During the US presidential election
last year there was an animated discussion (to say it politely) on an internet
forum that I participate in regularly, a forum that is part of a large
gaming site. Discussion there became so animated that the moderator forbade
us to start any new thread about the elections unless it was relevant to
role playing or board games.
The day that this gag order was
issued, I got stuck in my commuter train for an hour... and the result
is what you are reading now.
This game was written as a joke
for that forum. I fear that the political structure of the US, with fifty
states, each with their own number of electors, makes a certain amount
of bookkeeping inevitable. It might be a good idea to use a spreadsheet
when calculating the score after each round; that would certainly speed
up the game a lot.
Election is a silly game for
two people (hereafter called 'candidates'), one representing the elephant
party, the other the donkey one. Candidates are referred to as 'he', since
female candidates never run.
Necessary:
- A map of the US which shows
the individual states (or just a table with the states and the number of
electors they have).
- A deck of cards (including
jokers)
- Numerical skill. A calculator
or spreadsheet is even more handy. Blame the US for having 50 states, all
with a different number of electors, instead of a smaller, more easily
handled number.
The game is divided in five phases:
- Seeding the country. This is
done to determine the political affiliations in the different states
- Television debates. A bluffing
game that gives the basis for the campaign
- The campaign. Candidates can
visit different states, trying to gain votes there.
- Elections. Here dirty tricks
can be played to gain votes or to let the other party lose votes.
- Aftermath. In a series of
legal battles swing states can be swung. And swung back... And forward again.
SEEDING THE COUNTRY
Distribute the cards over the
50 states. This determines how strong the support for candidates is in
each state. A red card shows support for the elephant party, a black card
is support for the donkey party. The value of the card shows how strong
the support is. For this, an Ace counts as 1, Jack as 4, Queen as 5, King
as 6.
Choose one way to distribute
the cards. Different methods are:
- Random distribution: Shuffle
the cards, distribute them randomly over the states.
- One player seeds the country,
then the other one chooses the party that he will be a candidate for.
- Split the cards between the
candidates; the Elephant receives the red cards, the Donkey the black ones.
Now one of the candidates plays one card on one state, after which the
candidates take seeding two states each, until all countries are filled.
A state which already has one card, cannot receive another one in this
turn.
At the end of this phase, hold
a poll; write down the support for the candidates in each state and compute
the number of electors that would support each candidate, based on these
figures.
THE TELEVISION DEBATES
Shuffle the deck. Deal each candidate
five cards.
The candidates can then discuss
how many rounds of debate there will be. The Committee for Fair Elections
advises three debates, nobody ever listens to them.
Each round the two candidates
pick one card from the five they are dealt. They can claim that it is a
court card (J,Q,K) or joker and discard it, replacing it with another card
from the stack. The other candidate can contest it, forcing the first candidate
to turn the card over. This ends the round. If the card was a court card
after all, the contested wins five points. Otherwise the contester wins
five points.
If no card is replaced, or cards
to be replaced are not contested, a bidding war starts. Candidates take
turns making bids, where each bid has to be higher than the previous one.
These bids have to be accompanied by arguments why the public should vote
for them. Anything goes, from "I guarantee you that our great country will
have a balanced budget for the next four years" to "My opponent eats newborn
babies for breakfast."
Instead of making a bid, a candidate can pass or
challenge the other candidate. If the candidate passes, the opponent gets
as many points as his last bid. If the candidate challenges the opponent,
the latter turns over his card. If the last bid is equal to or lower than
the value of that card (court cards and jokers count for zero), the opponent
gets twice as many points as the last bid. If the last bid is higher than
the value of that card, the candidate who challenged gets twice as many
points as the last bid.
Example: Al and George get
ready for the first round of debates. George looks at his hand and picks
the seven of hearts. He puts it in front of him on the table, face down.
Al discards a card, claims that it is the jack of diamonds. George looks
doubtful; he knows that his opponent has a reputation for lying. If he
is lying now, George can win an easy five points by calling his bluff.
However, if Al is discarding a court card, challenging him means that Al
gets five points. So he decides not to challenge Al. Al looks smug, grabs
a card from the stack and puts it in front of him.Al then opens the debate.
"Under my expanded health care plan trees can become members as well. This
will potentially thousands of trees. I bid four, "George counters with:
"I will appoint lots of family and friends in high places, so that they
can help me out if I have no clue on how to act. I bid five points."
Al retorts: "Ha! Your family
is a prime example why I propose to legalize abortion. Seven." George is
in a pickle now. If he bids more, Al would win big points by challenging
him. He could challenge Al himself, gaining fourteen points if Al's card
has a value less than seven, but if Al's card is higher, those fourteen
points would go to Al. Decisions.. George wishes that he could call his
father now and ask him for advice. Oh,well. There are two more rounds to
go. George passes, and Al notes down seven points.
THE CAMPAIGN
All the cards are shuffled into
the deck again, and each candidate draws as many cards as the number of
points he won in the television debates. Now the candidates start on the
campaign trail. They take turns playing cards in different states, starting
with the candidate who lags in the polls. Each turn, a candidate can play
up to three cards, in the same state or adjacent states. For each card
played, he has to give a short speech (one line will suffice)as to why
people should vote for him instead of for his rival. The value of the card
is added to the candidate's support in that state. Again, cards count for
their value. Jacks for 4 points, Queens for five points and Kings for six.
A joker gives no points at all.
Example: It is Al's turn.
He looks at the board, wondering what his friend, the Puerto Rican card
shark Jesus Montoya would do. In the end, he decides to campaign in Michigan
(twice) and Ohio. George leads in Michigan with seven points and Al holds
Ohio, but with a small two votes, that state could use some support.Al
plays a three ('I will fight for the right of you people to get the drugs
that my dog gets.') and a seven ('I plan to let the Michigan Navy have
a more important role in the defense of this country.') on Michigan, and
an eight ('When casting your vote, ask yourself: "What would Jesus do"
He would be trying to understand immigration procedure, probably.') in
Ohio. At the end of that turn, Al has a score of three points in Michigan
and a comfortable ten in Ohio. If one candidate can't or won't play any
more cards, his opponent gets one last turn. After that, hold a new poll.
THE ELECTION
Shuffle the cards again. Each
candidate gets dealt five cards, which he can't look into. Candidates then
take turns playing dirty tricks. Once again, the character who lags in
the polls, starts. Each turn, a candidate plays one card on a state, declaring
which dirty tricks he uses. Several dirty tricks can be played on the same
state.
Examples of dirty tricks are:
- stuff the ballot boxes.
- hide them.
- let dead people vote for you.
After each candidate has had
five turns, the cards are being turned over. If the card is of the same
color as the candidate's party (red for the Elephants, black for the Donkeys),
the dirty trick worked and the candidate gets three more votes in that
state. If a dirty trick succeeded, leave it on the board.
Determine the initial outcome
of the election. This follows the same procedure as taking a poll. Candidates
are expected to have a short speech as a reaction to the outcome.
AFTERMATH
This is where the different parties
start court cases and counter-court cases in a desperate last attempt to
gain the presidency and have willing interns serve them for the next four
years.
Leave the dirty trick cards that
succeeded, on the board. Shuffle the other cards again and deal each candidate
ten cards. These cards have the following meaning:
- 2-4 Local electoral committee
- 5-7 Local court
- 8-9 State supreme court
- 10 Federal supreme court
- J Local elector favors you
- Q Local judge favors you
- K State supreme judge favors
you
- A Federal supreme judge favors
you
- J Governor of the state is family
Candidates take turns playing
cards, the lagging candidate taking the first turn. On each turn, a candidate
can play:
- An electoral committee card.
This signifies the candidate's demanding a recount. Play this card on any
state. The potential gain is equal to the value of the card. Treat this
card as a court case when reading further rules.
- A local court card. Play this
card on any state where the opponent gained votes with dirty tricks or
on any electoral committee card that opponent played.
- A state supreme court card.
Play this on any local court card that opponent played.
- A federal supreme court card.
Play this on any state supreme court card of opponent that opponent played.
- A favorite card. Play this
beside any card that the favorite is linked to.
- A joker. This can be played
on any state and automatically cancels all court cases and demands for
recounts in that state. If a candidate cannot or doesn't want to play a
card, he can discard one.
Each time the candidate plays
a card, he has to explain why. In the case of court cases, he should explain
the grounds for the case. In the case of a favorite, he has to explain
why the official favors him.
In this way stacks of court cases
are formed, surrounded by cards of favorites. After all cards are played
or discarded, the cases are resolved. A stack of court cases is resolved
from top to bottom. For each case, turn over a card from the stack of unused
cards This card decides which party wins the case, in the following way:
- If the card is of the same
suit as any party's favorite in that court, that party wins.
- If not, then the candidate
for the Elephant party wins if the card is red, and the candidate for the
Donkeys wins if it is a black card.
- If the card is a joker, turn
over another card instead.
The winning party can decide
whether or not to discard the following card in the stack. If the card
is the bottom card in a stack, then:
- if it is a dirty trick card,
the candidate determines whether that dirty trick card should be canceled
and the votes gained from that trick given up, or not.
- if it is an electoral committee
card, the candidate determines whether the candidate who originally played
that card, wins the recount (and gains as many votes as the value of the
card) or not.
A certain stack consists of:
- The four of hearts (electoral
committee), played by the Donkey candidate.
- The seven of hearts (local
court), played by the Elephant candidate.
- The eight of clubs (state
supreme court), played by the Donkey candidate.
- The jack of clubs (favorite
in the electoral committee), played by the Donkey candidate.
- The king of spades (favorite
in the state supreme court), played by the Elephant candidate.
First the state supreme court
case (3) is resolved by turning over a card from the unused card stack.
Normally the Donkey party candidate would win if that card is a club or
spade, and lose if it is a heart or diamond. However, the Elephant candidate
has a favorite in that court (the king of spades (5)). That means that
if the turned-over card is a spade, the Elephant would also win. However,
the card turned over is a club, so the Donkey candidate wins after all.
He decides to discard the next card on the stack, the local court case
(2).
This leaves the electoral committee
recount (1) to be resolved. Here the Donkey party candidate would win if
the next card that is turned over is a club or a spade (since those are
the Donkey colors) or a club (because the donkey has a favorite in that
committee (4)). If the Donkey wins, he can gain four votes here.
After all the court cases are
solved, have one final poll to decide who is the ultimate winner. That
candidate must hold a rousing winning speech, and then gets to decide how
he will tax the loser.
In the tradition of 52 Pickup,
this game has not been playtested. Try it at your own risk. I cannot be
held responsible for any material or immaterial damage resulting from playing
Donkeys and Elephants. Copyright rests with me, however. If you are brave
(or bored) enough to give this game a try, please send me your comments.
I wonder how the game works in practice.