So you've got a group and have made a character. And your character is awesome! They can do all these cool things and they've got the best backstory. And you want everyone else at the table to think you're cool and know that you know what you're doing, right? So obviously, it's time now to tell everyone about how awesome your character is and to make sure that whenever there is a problem, you are the one that solves it so everyone else can see how awesome you are at roleplaying games.

But it's not working?! People don't seem to care about your character at all and they keep trying to get the GM's attention to do their stupid not cool stuff instead of letting you be awesome. So you spend like 75% of the game waiting around to kill the monster with your Giant Halberd of Murderlation and be a badass. Then because of a stupid roll, you don't get to kill the monster and someone else does it before the GM gets back to you. This sucks, why didn't you just stay home and play a video game?

Hopefully, only some of that rang true for you. It can be hard to fit into a new gaming group or to find a dynamic at the table that works for you. And unfortunately, many of our instinctive responses to those difficulties are counterproductive (human nature sucks). This is the first part of a probably many part series about how to be a better player outside the game mechanics, i.e. how to be more fun to play with and how to make the game more fun for yourself. First up

Getting People to Like Your Character (and You)

It's natural to be excited about something you've created and to want to tell other people about it. When you join a new group of people it's also natural that you want to fit in and that you might feel like you need to prove yourself. These instincts interplay to lead to some really terrible behavior and it often results in people not liking your character or you.

Talking About Your Character

The instinct is to talk about how cool your character is and to either, tell everyone about their ten page backstory, try to be coy and mysterious, or else to talk about all the cool powers they have (which depends on the type of player you are). That instinct is wrong. In many roleplaying games, your character is sort of an extension of yourself. You've probably met people that talk about themselves incessantly right? How much fun are they to be around?

The truth is that no one wants to hear about your awesome character. Why? Because they have their own awesome character and they really want to talk about them. So does this mean everyone just sits around and says nothing about their characters? Not at all. You want the other players to be interested in your character and you should be interested in theirs and that requires talking about them. But the talking should be a back-and-forth conversation.

Instead of rambling on about your character, think of a short pitch (2-3 sentences max) that summarizes the character's role in the game, a high level description of their background, and their personality. That pitch is all you say to start with and then you ask another player about their character. As they're describing their character be looking for openings for how your characters can relate or commonalities between the characters. Start thinking about how these characters might function in a group together. Point these things out to the other player and weave in some of your own details.

Ex. "Oh, my character's from a small farming village too. Maybe their villages are close to one another." "You're an archer, that's great. My character has this cool ability that let's me attack people when they pass by. I can get between you and enemies so you can keep sniping."

Be warned, not everyone else at the table will have read this column (though feel free to link to this or print it off and hand it out at the start of the game) and so some of the other players may start rambling about their characters. You're not obligated to listen to another player's ten page backstory, but getting out of that without hurting feelings can be difficult. Interjecting with those commonalities can help break up their ramble gently and get the focus back on the broader game world. Some players won't get the hint, it's okay to respectfully tell them that you think you know enough about their character now.

Credentialing Yourself

Often when joining a new group or meeting people, we offer past experiences or other credentials to show that we are a good fit for the group. When used in moderation this is an effective tool of conveying to others your level of experience so they can interact with you appropriately and don't talk down to you about things you already know or expect too much from you. If you're interviewing for a job, you might mention your education or past experience as examples of why you would be able to fulfill the job requirements. If you're teaching a class, you usually start the first class period by giving the students a brief summary of your background in the field. This establishes the teacher as an authority on the subject to be taught which is helpful for getting students to pay attention and to take some items of the class on faith until they can be explained in further depth.

The important thing here is that none of the reasons you provide credentials is to big yourself up, to try to be superior to others, or to make people like you. If you're doing it right, you leave out unrelated credentials and minimize the amount of time you spend focused on those credentials. You probably don't mention your forty-game beer pong win streak in a job interview (unless you are applying for a very strange job) and you don't need to tell future students about the number of successful long term relationships you've been in, even if those are things you are otherwise proud of.

Often when people are insecure, they will try to credential themselves into a position of authority on a subject, even if this means exaggerating or misleading others on their credentials or isn't necessary or appropriate for the situation. The problem with this is that anyone with similar or better credentials is not going to be impressed and everyone is going to think you're a tool. In gaming bad credentialing often comes in the following forms:

-Bragging about the amount of time one has played (I've played a rogue over 10,000 hours in twenty different systems, not even counting different editions, I'm an expert.) -Talking about how others have a high opinion of oneself, especially one's prowess at making characters or acting or rolling dice or whatever (My last group couldn't believe how good I was at making characters. My old GM said my characters were the strongest characters he'd ever seen.) -Trying to set one's real life experience up as proof that you are an expert on something within the game world (I own guns and I've been shooting since I was 9 months old. I'm practically a real-life street samurai. The rules are wrong about the damage level of .38 special rounds. I own one, I know.) -Talking about one's experience with related media (I've read Dracula and watched all twenty seasons of Hellsing, in Japanese, so I know how vampires work) -Talking about completely unrelated bullshit (I have a Masters in Design and so I'm really good at designing characters.)

If you've joined a new group, don't try to hold any of the above up as proof that you know what you're doing. Tell the group how familiar you are with the game being played, your preferred style, and where you think you'll need help and are weak. The group doesn't need your full resume to respect you. If they do require a large number of credentials to "prove" yourself, that's a red flag and you might want to consider finding another group. They need to know how to start interacting with you with the minimum of awkwardness until you are all familiar enough with one another to have your own dynamic. Starting by puffing yourself up will only make it harder for other people to suss out how to relate and will make some of them actively avoid you. You'll earn the groups respect by being a good player and showing respect to everyone else at the table; give it some time.

Doing All the Things

Sometimes new players will try to demonstrate their prowess in the game to impress the group and gain acceptance. This includes: going online and finding a min-maxed "perfect" build to bring to the game, trying to seize control of the game by forcing things into combat or whatever you've made your character to do, arguing over rules minutia, bragging about dice rolls (as if this were some amazing skill rather than chance), belittling other player's skill at the game or criticizing their characters, and talking excessively about the metagame (i.e. "Well, that last goblin was carrying less than the standard gold for our level so we should go back and search that room or the game isn't meeting the expected wealth per level curve").

Relax, do cool things in the game to do cool things and have fun. Don't go looking for validation in the rules, the dice, or in competing against other players. With few exceptions most groups are not going to be impressed that you happened to roll a 20 twice in a row or that you derailed the game to lecture them about encumbrance rules. In fact, most groups will find the above behaviors disruptive. They detract from other players' fun because it makes the game more about you in a way that doesn't benefit the group as a whole.

The above behaviors also often backfire and make you look less competent than you are. For example, I have seen players come with some optimized character they got from a message board online (presented as their own as proof of their mad skillz) that have no idea how the character worked and so other people at the table needed to help them play their character. If someone else has to tell you what to roll, they're not impressed by your skillz, even if you've got a +48 to hit.

If you build yourself up based on a few good rolls, you're also setting yourself up to be the one whose fault it is if the rolls go to shit and the team needs to bail you out. If you stake your claim as being the expert on the rules and eat up game time arguing about them, you're going to look pretty stupid when you make your own rules mistake.

Summary

The trick to fitting into a new gaming group is to behave the same as when fitting into any other social group: be the sort of player you would want to play with, listen to and respect others, be truthful and communicate directly, ask questions when the social norms don't make sense, push back when you're uncomfortable, and make some compromises until everyone is happy. Be patient and remember that often other people are just as concerned about the social interaction going well as you are.