Last time, I talked about playing roleplaying games with people you know. Sometimes that's not always option. That's okay because there's another big group of people you could potentially play with, existing roleplayers you don't know yet. So let's talk about how you about about

Gaming with Strangers

This can seem pretty scary, but about two-thirds of the players I have played with over the years started out as total strangers. Some have become friends that I have had for years and most have been really cool people. It's actually a great way to meet new people if you've just moved to an area.

Unfortunately, I think I need to stop now and address the elephant in the room. Creeps. If you read enough stories online (and they're not hard to find), you're going to hear about some real creeps. I don't mean socially awkward people or people with bad hygiene, though you run into some of them as well. I'm talking about boundary crossing, creepy, assholes. They do exist and they will use gaming as a cover to excuse bullying and sexual harassment. Fortunately, they are not as prevalent as they may seem reading the horror stories online and I think gaming is getting better at spotting this behavior and calling it out. I've played for almost 17 years now (geez, I'm old) and have played with somewhere around 40 different players. Only three of them were real creeps.

So be aware that they are out there and know that it is okay to walk away from a game if people are making you feel uncomfortable. Also, try to find out as much about the people you'll be playing with as possible. Not just to avoid creeps, but because it can help you determine if you're going to get along with these people and going to have fun. If you want to bring someone with you to the game to feel comfortable, do. They may even end up enjoying it and then you have another friend that games. If you're worried, see about playing in a public space or have a board game party where you can meet this person/people with some of your friends backing you up. The first time I played with a new group in my early twenties I met up with them at a Con and we played in the game room and I brought my roommate. Guess what, it was awesome and having lots of people around also playing made the whole thing less awkward.

Okay, so that's out of the way, where do you find these strangers?

Friendly Local Game Store (FLGS)

Most stores that sell roleplaying games or just games in general have a bulletin board somewhere that people put up advertisements for games on. This is the method I and most gamers I have known over the years have used most frequently to find other gamers. You can either post your own advertisement with some contact info or respond to an add there.

If you're putting up your own add, be specific about what games you're interested in playing, level of experience (your own and what you want others to have), when you can play, and if you know what type/style of game you want. Be patient, I usually get a response every month or two when I do this. When you do get a response, ask questions and provide information. I usually give people about two pages of information when they respond to one of my adds- bios of myself and my players, cool things that are happening in our game, my no jerks allowed policy, and a description of my preferred style of play. That may be a little overboard, but more information is better than too little information.

If you respond to an add, make sure to ask questions. It's important to figure out if this is actually a stranger whose house you want to go to and spend several hours with. Ask about the other players. Ask about cool things that have happened in the game. Ask about how the person handles content that can make people feel uncomfortable. Usually at the start of a game I have people say what is off-limits, no questions asked, no need to justify. My personal off-limits list is: no rape or sexual assault, no killing or harming children, and no racist characters. Put a little thought into what your limit list is. If someone isn't willing to respect it, that's a sign to stay away from that game.

The advantage of a FLGS is that it's easy to find people that are local. Also, a lot of FLGS have an area you can play at which means you don't have to invite strangers into your home (I love having strangers in my home, but I realize I'm the minority). If you happen to need gaming supplies, they're super convenient. The disadvantage is that you're relying on foot traffic for people to see your add and so response rates can be low (see above) and it's hard to meet people face-to-face before you game with them. I have heard of people meeting potential players for coffee to basically interview them. Personally, I just invite them to a boardgame night where they can meet the whole group.

A Gaming Club

A gaming club usually has a scheduled meeting time where people get together. They are a really good place to meet other players and get a feel for them. The larger number of people makes it more likely to find people that offer the style of game you're interested in and usually offers a less threatening environment to meet people and figure out whether they are someone you want to see on a regular basis for the next couple months or years. This is how I found my gaming group in college and most colleges have gaming clubs. You can also find them on Meet-up.com and other sites, but the size and attendance can be hit-or-miss depending on your location. If there is an active gaming club in your area, this would be my first choice for finding people to play with.

The disadvantage of a gaming club is that sometimes there is a shortage of GMs and so it can be hard to join a new game and existing games can be crowded. This is also how I ended up behind the GM's screen in that same college gaming group for three years. I have also heard stories, though I've never encountered it, of weird power struggles and personal drama in gaming clubs, but I think that's a risk that's possible with any large group of people and not something unique to the hobby.

Organized Play

This is a method that I have almost no experience with, so I am drawing on the experience of other players I know. Organized play is when the company that produces the game organizes a regular schedule of gaming events. There are usually guidelines for creating characters for each session and people register for slots and show up and play through a predefined adventure. They get to advance their characters based on the sessions they showed up for.

The advantage of organized play is that there is a regular time and it can be whatever level of commitment you want. It's usually hosted at a FLGS and can be a way to meet other gamers in an area without needing to make a commitment.

The downside is that the style of play is very specific and it might not offer what you want out of a game. Organized Play uses prepared adventures that are the same for everyone and as such allow less freedom than an independent game might. There's usually very little focus on exploring characters, developing an ongoing story, or the roleplaying part of rpgs. People can also be very competitive and can be hostile towards inexperienced players.

I steered away from Organized Play after hearing several stories about the competitive attitude and a tendency for the organized play in the area to be a toxic boys club with a lot of guys gatekeeping what REAL gamers were like. This is not a universal fact about organized play, but I would recommend going and observing a game in progress before you join.

Online Play

Online play is when you use a gaming website to find a group of players and organize the game. You then either play through the site or on Skype, Google or some other voice/video service. This is an increasingly popular way to find players, but I unfortunately have only used it once to form a group. Specifically, I played a game over Skype with some other people from rpg.net and so I don't think my experience is very representative. Forming a group from people active on the forum had the advantage of having some context for people involved, but that's not generally the case when you join an online roleplay community like Roll20 and the other players are likely to be much closer to what you will get using a FLGS bulletin board.

The advantage of an online service is that you're pulling from a much larger pool of possible players and, especially if you have an unusual schedule, it may be easier to find a game that fits your logistical needs or preferred style. There's also the advantage that if you find some creeps, bailing on the game is as easy as clicking a button rather than excusing yourself and driving home.

The disadvantage is that you aren't face-to-face. There are tools that can help you go around some of the difficulties that presents in terms of things like maps and other game mechanics, but I still prefer physically being with people. If you don't have that hang-up, go forth and game. There is also the omnipresent technical difficulties. Factor in about thirty minutes for people to figure out their mics, get the right group, figure out how to keep the cat off the keyboard, etc.

Play-by-post

This is radically different than the what you might be picturing when you think of D&D. Instead of getting together and playing all at the same time, the game is played on a message board with players making posts about what their characters do. For more about this style of play, I recommend checking out the Words on a Screen column.

Play-by-post games are great if setting aside three-four hours to meet up with people on a regular basis doesn't fit in your schedule, like if you have kids or a job with weird hours. You can just get on for fifteen minutes or a half-hour, make a post or two and move on with your day. It also has the same advantage as online play of pulling from a much larger group of players, so it is a lot easier to find people that want what you want from a game. In terms of being able to evaluate other players and whether you'll get along, being able to look at previous games is amazing. The variety of games available to play in play-by-post seems to be a lot bigger than in other ways of gaming as well. I think this is because people are more willing to try new rules if they know they'll have time to go through the rulebook before making a decision in play.

Play-by-post games can be very slow. You can lose interest or get frustrated waiting for other people to take their turn. Also, for me, a big part of gaming is being with people and play-by-post just doesn't deliver that experience. Play-by-post games are also notorious for falling apart quickly and never reaching a resolution. The big pitfall, from my perspective is that a big part of communication is nonverbal and so communication in a play-by-post game can be very difficult. At a table, I know if a player is not having fun by looking at them. I can course correct or pause to talk about what's wrong. In play-by-post, I may not know until someone is seriously angry and they are done with the game. Also, it's important to realize that all of those fifteen minutes add up quickly into a big time commitment.

Conclusion

I have undoubtedly missed a few of the other options out there for finding gamers (maybe ads on Craigslist?). These are the major methods I have used over the years and hopefully my experience finding one gaming group after another will help you find some awesome people to game with. From here on out we're going to focus on what you do once you've found your group.