Principal Skinner: Now I... I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the great American novel. Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it "Billy and the Cloneasaurus."
Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding, sir! First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through...
[later]
Apu: ... it was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had...
[later]
Apu: ... one of the most popular movies of all time, sir! What were you thinking?
[pause]
Apu: I mean, thank you, come again.
- From "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song (#5.19)" (1994)
Quote courtesy of the IMDB
I'm Darren MacLennan. First off, for full disclosure: I've worked for White Wolf in the past as a freelancer, doing half a chapter for Midnight Siege about how the Sabbat make war. I am also rpg.net's vBulletin admin.
I'm the second accomplice in this review, Wil Hutton. Full disclosure: I have been blocked from the Dark Phoenix Publishing Facebook page for daring to point out that you can't sue someone for slander for something they wrote on the Internet, and that suing someone just because they said something you don't like is censorious douchebaggery. It also needs to be said that I am not a huge White Wolf fan. I am mostly reviewing Vampire: Undeath out of morbid fascination for how deep the rabbit hole goes in terms of White Wolf similarities, and to satisfy Mykal Lakim's claim that if you haven't read it, you can't judge it. Challenge accepted. ("If you haven't read it, you can't judge it" is the first recourse of somebody who knows that they've done shitty work, and is never successful as a tactic ever.) It has been read, every single word. The result of that is probably not the intended reaction for Dark Phoenix Publishing (and is more than a little sad): I want to buy a couple NWoD books just so I can hold them and feel that everything is right in the world.
That being said, role-playing has always been an imitative medium. It's very easy to go through Dungeons & Dragons and make a 1:1 connection between, say, Treants and Ents, or halflings and hobbits. Some games have been lucky enough to be able to license out their source of inspiration, as in Call of Cthulhu and Elric. Others simply do products that look really damned close to a particular product without explicitly acknowledging their antecedents. (It always irritated me that Underground never acknowledged how much it owed to the superheroic grand guignol of Pat Mill and Kevin O'Neill's Marshal Law.) Vampire: The Masquerade and Vampire: The Requiem have both acknowledged their debt to Anne Rice and points related. But there are perilously few games that imitate somebody's else work and then stay there. Vampire: The Masquerade slid into being its own thing after a few years of concentrated development; so did every other game that White Wolf did.
And then, of course, there's the heartbreaker, named after Ron Edward's essay describing that inevitable stage in every gamer's life where they resolve to rewrite Dungeons & Dragons so it's better, man - more classes, more monsters, better systems, everything! I won't bother to go into what Mr. Edwards details exhaustively here and in further detail here, but the basic gist of it is that they're heartbreakers because they have at least one innovation in them that'll never see the light of day because of D&D's market share. And that's not to say that D&D is the only game that ever gets heartbreakered - you can see Trail of Cthulhu, for instance, as Kenneth Hite's Call of Cthulhu heartbreaker.
However, it's considered good form to acknowledge what came before as a source of inspiration. The classic formula for a heartbreaker is "It's like X, but better!" where X is the game that you've been playing for the last eight months and want to rewrite to your own tastes. Unfortunately, the author of Vampire: Undeath, when it was pointed out to him that his entire planned line of games could be directly compared to White Wolf's products on a 1:1 basis, constantly denied that there was any similarity between his games and those of White Wolf, was banned from rpg.net's forums for trolling and threatened a lawsuit on unspecified persons for slander because they'd posted on a message board in a less than flattering way about Vampire: Undeath.
This was not such a great idea.
So what's Vampire: Undeath like? It's basically Vampire: The Masquerade. I mean, we're not talking a game that starts from a common idea (vampires in the modern day) and proceeds from there; we're talking about a game that basically files the serial number off of Vampire and reprints it. This is not a fantasy heartbreaker. It's a ripoff.
What's even worse, White Wolf isn't the only thing that Mykal Lakim is ripping off. The city-scape on the cover of the book and comprises the background for every page? It's an unattributed and probably unlicensed photograph from a Flickr user. Here's the link to the original image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/paulobar/230134559/. The two images at the beginning of Chapter 1 are the same deal, just from a different source. Dark Phoenix Publishing's own logo has been lifted from a Deviant Art user who had originally done the piece as a commissioned tattoo design. The second half of the tattoo subsequently appears on page 40 of the PDF. Yet the credits clearly say: "Cover Art & Design by: Mykal Lakim", and there are no attributions anywhere in the book for any of the other art. Unless Mykal Lakim is actually a pseudonym for Pablo Barcello, a Christian missionary in Ecuador, or a female DeviantArt user, there is no other way to say it - he stole their work. The misunderstanding that just because an image, or some text, or a video, can be found online it is free for the taking is a very common one. It was the underlying issue in the Oatmeal vs. FunnyJunk dispute. It's also no excuse - particularly for a content creator. To use other people's work without attribution, and then turn around and claim that your own work is completely original, requires a high level of intellectual dishonesty.
A full recounting of the game's similarities could take all day, and really, I'm going to leave that for White Wolf's legal team. Just by way of a for example, though: In Vampire: Undeath, vampires have peaceful gatherings at Elysion, instead of Elysium. They gather in coteries and packs. They have sanctuaries and domains. Instead of a Sheriff, they have a Gendarme; instead of a Prince, there's a Master. Instead of Neonates, they have Nestlings, which conjures up the image of Lucy having her blood drained by a little baby bird with a tiny Dracula cape. Instead of going into torpor, they go into langour. As in Vampire: The Requiem, vampires in Vampire: Undeath have an instinctive fight-or-flight reaction when meeting another vampire. Instead of ghouls, thralls, although thralls that get too much blood become ghuls. There's a set of vampiric laws and traditions, including never revealing yourself to mortal humans. They drain blood points from humans (up to ten), and can lick wounds shut. They fall into Savagery instead of Frenzy. I think that you get the picture.
The similarities don't end with the setting. Attributes are split into primary, secondary and tertiary priorities, just like in Vampire, and they're pretty much identical to White Wolf's attributes - you even distribute 5/4/3 among them.
Amusingly, instead of going with three separate Virtues, as in V:TM, there's nine different morality scales. Just for instance, there's a 1-10 attribute - Justice - that indicates how likely you are to go to the authorities to deal with a situation, and another, Vindication, that indicates how likely you are to handle the situation on your own. We're told that "a low rating (in Justice) indicates a higher Vindication rating" - but since the two exist on separate scales, each from 1-10, it's entirely possible to have a 10 score in both and have a character who's really motivated to deal with a situation on his own by going to the authorities but in a really independent way. This is also disregarding the fact that both Virtues are unlikely to be tested upon unless you're codifying personal choice into mechanics, which is always a bad idea.
Even worse, there's two separate stats for compassion - one called Compassion and the other called Heart, which is described as "your actual compassion," like your Compassion score is this weird trickster doppelganger that steals your points, grows spider legs and scuttles off into the night. And you can apparently "buy down" virtues in order to boost others, but the book refers to rules that apparently aren't present in the book. And your morality is dictated through a stat called Morale, which is definitely not the word that Mykal Lakim is looking for to describe your moral nature.
PRODUCTION VALUES
The layout of the book is amateurish - every single page of the book has an inverted picture of the front cover of the book behind it, meaning that the text of the book has to wrestle with a dozen grayish blobs on every single page of the book. As for the editing, Lakim often makes word choices that are incorrect, misspelled, or out of context - for instance:
Being a vampire is about coping with eternity, creating bonds that will stand the test of time and overcoming social stigmata. (I like the idea of spontaneously and messily manifesting the bleeding wounds of Christ on your body when somebody disses your jacket - that'll show 'em! - but perhaps the word he's looking for is stigma?)
Usefully, the book's text is large, which makes it easy to read on a computer screen - but it's going to gobble huge amounts of paper when and if you print it out, assuming that you don't bop down to your FLGS and get a copy of Mind's Eye Theater instead.
There is likely not an entire page of text in the whole PDF that is free from these problems. What's worse is the quality is nowhere near consistent. Some sections are kind of alright, while others quickly veer into Hybrid territory. Because of this, I've become convinced that Vampire: Undeath was not written entirely by Mykal Lakim, or at least that some portions came from other sources and were rewritten slightly (like a kid rewriting an encyclopedia entry for an essay). The phrase from the Destined for Greatness Edge is a good example: "Ok, so here’s another ruling from Mykal Lakim." (I half expected "The Great" to be in front of "Mykal Lakim" there). It might be he's just interjecting in a "This is what I say" kind of way, but the other interpretation is that somebody else wrote the text for that Edge and it was included in the book.
The index is a thing of wonder, too - out of 346 pages, the index covers pages 23-32 and 235-303. And that's it. And it's sorted by page number, not by subject. At least it has an index, though. Then we have the inexplicable FAQ section, called "The Tazz Effect", which simply contains questions posed by playtesters with the answers (notably absent are any questions about how the game is different than Vampire: the Requiem).
Buying the book means going through the Dark Phoenix Publishing website, and there's a lot of dead links and placeholders throughout. I paid $10 for the PDF version and received it within twenty minutes, but the problem is that at the time of this writing, there's no automated system to distribute the game, and it's only available if you have a PayPal account. So if Mykal's asleep, I'm not sure that you're going to get your PDF until he wakes up.
VAMPIRE LIFE
"It's a world of blackness,
A world of fears,
A world of lost hope,
A world of tears.
It's black clothes we wear,
To match our Robert Smith hair,
It's a goth world after all"
- Unknown
The setting of Vampire: Undeath is one of eternal damp dimness. Where people don't have jobs and evil staffing companies hire and fire people for no reason (this is paraphrased, but is literally what is in the book). The President flies around on Air Force 1 for no apparent reason and nobody does anything about it. Every night it is either raining, or it looks like it's recently rained. The police aren't any help, and everybody is desensitized to the violence and suffering around them. In short, it's the World of Darkness, yet somehow darker (because the book tells us so).
Like most vampire lore, in Vampire: Undeath vampires are created by draining a victim completely. The new vampire retains their memories and personality, and is not as powerful as older vampires. We learn there are only four to five vampires per city which - when combined for the number of sub-lines for the bloodlines - would seem to indicate each sub-line only has a handful of vampires. The book describes the type of people that vampires of a particular bloodline choose to turn. For example, the Eligiere find "the idea of Turning a mortal generally has merit somewhere" (which must be the vampire equivalent of "There's somebody out there for everyone") and seem to prefer John Galt-like "stalwart individuals to create business and keep the economy flowing." Bucoli look for dark and mysterious people. It should go unsaid that the Cherche prefer the types with lifted trucks, cockeyed Metal Mulisha caps, Afflicted t-shirts and who listen to P.O.D.
And here's the heartbreaker part of the whole thing: when vampires feed in Vampire: Undeath, they take on the memories of the people that they're feeding on, giving themselves temporary skills until the blood's potency fades away. One of the reasons why elder vampires create neonates is either to relieve themselves of the massive weight of all those memories (in one part of the book) or to catch themselves up on the modern world in a hurry (another part of the book.) It's an idea that probably has parallels in other vampire movies or books, but like the Lyhin seems to point to an undercurrent of potential originality.
Speaking of blood potency, Lakim removes the Generation / Blood Potency idea that drove both iterations of White Wolf's Vampire; your ability to store blood is based on your level, rather than your generation or how potent your blood is. Get enough experience points, and you're considered an ancient even if you've just been playing every week for three years and your character is chronologically 28. Also, the abilities gained for levels 7-10 for all vampires appear to be the same.
The book's writing is persistently clumsy and suffers from Lakim's desire to cram the entire game world down your throat - for instance, this comes in the section shortly after character creation, just after the character creation rules:
Perhaps your character is older than the Dark Ages? Perhaps you witnessed the creation of the first Cruor Magus? Were you bound in a grave somewhere by a Morior Ghoul? Who knows? Only you and your Director. Now, to be honest with you, for a vampire to suddenly show up in New York and claim lineage to an Exalted Bloodline would be unheard of. Completely. A vampire from a Reckoning Bloodline is a maybe. This is due to the accuracy of history. In the Modern era, how did these vampires survive? You see the problem with digging up the past? It’s not that they can’t be done, just remember, if you’re playing as part of a leap-frog game, moving from one game to the next, then you’ve got everything figured out. If not, just let sleeping dogs lie.
Look at the last two sentences and see if you can unpuzzle the meaning there. I think that it means that if you're moving from one or the existing Vampire: Undeath games to the only other existing Vampire: Undeath game, you can play characters from the Middle or Biblical ages, but I'm not sure how "the accuracy of history" comes into it and I'm not willing to use my brain to shovel shit again in order to figure that out. What's a Morior ghoul? What's a Cruor Magus? The book doesn't say. There's references to the Cruor Dextor, V:U's ripoff of the Traditions, but the word Morior only occurs once throughout the entire book. What Lakim's doing is referencing material that hasn't been written yet so he can clumsily emulate the way that Vampire: The Masquerade interlinked with the rest of the World of Darkness. Lakim's so busy working on "writing" nine full games that he can't be bothered to get the first one right.
Or, even worse, check this out:
Ok, so the inevitable question: “Can I make my own Bloodline?” Of course, the answer is “yes.” If you’ve paid attention to the other books, you’ll notice there are fifteen Bloodlines for Exalted, which in turn become thirty Grecian and “V” Bloodlines for Reckoning (among other rare lines for that era) which spawn the Second Elder War of the Dark Ages (The Thinning takes place and binds the bloodlines into three families) which presents the final three Houses.
This is him making reference to books that haven't even been published yet. There's something called the Thinning that takes place sometime in the Biblical era that apparently whittles down the bloodlines and places the remaining three under some kind of magical geas, but actual information on this event isn't included in the book. Lakim's hubris is so great that he's writing the next eight books before he's finished properly writing the first. You are literally buying 1/9th of a role-playing game here, one half-assed installment at a time.
Or what if you want to play an elder? Let's check out the cutting-edge advice that Lakim has for us:
For most, the idea of an older vampire in a game with younger ones, makes little sense. Perhaps you are a wanderer? Maybe you just woke up. Whatever the case, keep in mind the more a vampire feeds and the more he is awake, experiencing the world, the most powerful he becomes. For this reason, your character could be from the Grecian Temple of Ares, had he been in a battle and had a stake driven in his heart, the echoes of time lost to his endless dreaming. Waking from a late-night construction company, perhaps the bulldozer killed a rat and released his bonds on accident? However this happens, the vampire rises no more powerful than the moment he went to sleep. Use idea like these as models for playing older vampires in the new world.
For those of you unfamiliar with Vampire: The Masquerade, integrating an elder vampire into a regular game is intensely difficult, both in power levels and in terms of how they adjust to the modern world. I don't think that V:TM even bothered to try on the grounds that it was essentially powergaming unless you were playing in an elders-only game. Here, it's blown off like it's not going to be a major deal to integrate. I could go into more detail about this, but Lakim didn't bother; let's move on. (Also, the above is likely the backstory for Lakim's Mary Sue, John Ares.)
Hey, do you remember 1972's Piss of Dracula, and the climactic scene where Dracula has to prove that he's not a vampire by peeing in front of a bunch of vampire hunters, and he can't do it despite having his hand in a glass of warm water, and so they stake him? It's okay; vampires in Vampire: Undeath can pee and poo just like you! Here, look:
Urinating & Bodily Functions
No doubt this may come up in an Event, so we’ll clear the air around this one. IF the vampire spends a single Point of blood, they may urinate a mixture of iron and plasma which makes a golden-brown stream leak from their genitals giving the appearance of urinating. Other functions may be performed by the vampire’s expulsion of iron deposits, moving them through their bowls instead of vomiting it up. Of course, it isn’t pleasant, but what is anymore? Spending a single Point of blood, the vampire may will their bowls (sic) to move in a manner such as when they were alive to “poop” their iron out in a solid mass. This isn’t always pretty, but hey, it’s something.
If peeing and pooing as game mechanics come up in your LARP event, move to a new LARP event immediately and notify the appropriate authorities.
Vampire elimination might be the more disturbing discussion of bodily functions in Vampire: Undeath, but there is also a gem in the section on blinking and breathing. Apparently since vampires are dead, they have to concentrate on blinking (and "nervous system fires") and breathing. So far, so good. The kicker is that they have to spend a Blood Point just to blink, but have to do no such thing to fake breathing. I suspect the intention was to say that vampires have to spend a Blood Point to blink automatically, but it very definitely does not read that way. The contradictions and oddities regarding anatomy don't end there. We're told that a vampire's organs are "crunched up and moist within a vampire's body", yet if they are stabbed and a lung is pierced it will being to fill up with blood. Blood will come gushing out of a slit throat, even though the vampire's heart doesn't beat and the blood is "just sitting in the veins." Similar issues pop up in the rules for lifting ("Keep in mind though, just because you can lift something, that doesn’t mean you can push it or pull it"); having a mile-per-hour rating assigned to "fast twitch speed" (maybe it can be used to see how fast you blink?); and holding breath (seriously, this is a thing even for vampires: "For vampires and other undead, breathing is something of the past, however, certain situations will require that ALL characters have to hold their breath.")
Finally, we have discussions of how vampires spend their time with each other in their houses or sanctuaries. The Eligiere sit around reading newspapers, the Bucoli talk about stuff, the Cherche drink and play video games (what? Don't they at least play pool?)
About the only other notable section left to discuss from the non-system angle is about hosting an event. Surprisingly, it includes very little crazy, giving perfectly serviceable advice - if bland - and probably works well for beginning directors. A lot of the advice seems to be formed from experience putting on events, which makes sense given that apparently there have been events put on at some kind of interval. There's some advice on how to keep track of attendance, props, dealing with drama within the player group, etc. There is a sentence about dealing with people who can't tell fantasy from reality. What is lacking - and something that I know from my friends who organize LARPs - is any kind of discussion of NPCs, multiple GMs, or even helpers that serve as referees. Most of the LARPs I have seen have a dedicated team that handles these things, as well as making props, manufacturing and repairing boffer weapons, creating any set pieces that are required, etc. That entire discussion is missing from Vampire: Undeath.
BLOODLINES
In Vampire: Undeath, vampires belong to Clans...I mean bloodlines. There are a handful of main bloodlines, but apparently the number of sub-lines under those numbers into the thousands (this causes problems when compared to the number of vampires there are supposed to be in the world). These bloodlines are further divided into houses, covens, coteries, etc. That's pretty much par for the course these days - most modern vampire literature has them organized in some fashion, ranging from The Dresden Files to the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Vampire: Undeath, however, clearly shows its underpinnings even with small detail changes and even some original ideas. The bloodlines, as well as the powers that vampires are afforded, as a result show less carbon-copying than other areas of the game. Of course, as we'll see when Vampire: Undeath gets into original ideas they can get silly very quickly.
The Eligiere are the nobles and aristocrats. As Mykal Lakim so succintly says, "Nothing says aristocracy like Eligiere" (which sounds like a blurb for a jewelry store). Obviously, they rule over vampire society through their wealth and affluence. They have a Dark Gift called Kharism, giving them a supernatural ability to lead and influence others. The powers they are granted range from Silver Tongue to Magnetism to Upwelling Caress. Like many of the powers in Vampire: Undeath, they seem to be inspired by a wide variety of sources, and some of their descriptions seem to be trying to imitate the source completely. Upwelling Caress brings to mind scenes from Bram Stoker's Dracula, allowing the vampire to make the target feel like they are the only two in the room. The description of how this works is somewhat comical - when invoked the vampire will "slide across the floor towards their victim, moving in a fluid manner". I can imagine the Eligiere sliding up to someone on the dance floor and asking, "Can I dance behind you?" Anyone with bad-ass dance moves like that would give people tunnel vision.
The Bucoli come from rural areas (hence the name, as in bucolic) and are the dark, mysterious ones. They are descended from demons, are all evil and "satanic" and probably listen to Korn (the more refined among them listen to Skinny Puppy). They can use blood magic and disappear into thin air. They also apparently have lots of street cred, since the founder of their line was named Felon. The Bucoli's Dark Gift is Spiritus, which allows them to be "said to be invisible." They actually may or may not be invisible - it's kind of like when my daughter throws a blanket over her head and says, "You can't see me!" Their powers include Fade, Vanish and Chameleon.
Then there's the Cherche They are unremarkable, except they are XXXTREME VAMPIRES.
I swear to God, I have to quote this because I have to convince you that we're not just making this up:
Since 1995, the Cherche have taken up a great interest in the X-Games and competing with Thralls for glory amongst the Tribes and Covens. Of course, the Eligiere find this rather dangerous to laugh in the face of mortals like this. Bucoli often scoff at the thought but see a quick route to money as a way to influence a greater scope of mortals.
Dominating areas of interest such as biking (BMX and Moto X), surfing, skating and rally car racing, the Cherche have been leading the world in extreme sports almost as if without fear. As the daredevils and fighters of the modern world, the Cherche are often the ones fighting the hidden battle between werewolves and vampires or pissing off law enforcement.
The minute I read that, I knew exactly where I'd seen it before:
"My name's Brujah D, and I rock the telly / I'm half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli! Also half Dracula."
(For those of you who don't know who this is, check here. But you missed a really great joke.)
The remaining bloodlines have only spotty details, with some of them being predecessors to modern bloodlines and others being variants.
The Faryill are "gangrel creatures" (Lakim's own words here). Their ability is Beckoning, "Named for the ancient practice of 'calling upon someone'” (we're really, really not making any of this shit up). Abilities under Beckoning include Beckon, where you can call someone to your side, Blood Ties (whose description opens with, "Have you ever wished you could command those you were related to?"), Tranquility and Feral Gaze.
Beyond a mention that the Beur have the Dormant Gift of Order and the write-up of their powers, there is no mention of who they are and what they do. Their gift revolves around manipulating others, commanding them to do things. How this differentiates them from Eligiere and their ability of Kharism seems to be a matter of splitting hairs (although there is mention that Eligiere transitioned from Order to Kharism for their powers). The same is true of the Furor, who are actually descended from Fur. The name also evokes The Chronicles of Riddick, which is fitting because the Cherche are their descendants and they would be a perfect fit in a Vin Diesel movie. The Furian gift is Ignus, which turns the character into a professional bodybuilder by giving them the Flex power, where the vampire literally flexes and veins pop out. Strength of the Giant doubles the Furian's strength, and turns them into a bumbling oaf that would break down a door trying to knock on it. The coup de grace is Touch of Death, which makes the vampire so strong they can kill people by merely touching them.
The Lillian (alternately spelled Lilian elsewhere in the book) are separate from the Liliana. Their Dark Gift is called Mentalism and allows them to manipulate minds. It provides "enough security, defense and foreknowledge that the scholars need little more than to peer inside the mind for but a moment to know how the next few minutes will go." and allows them to speak to others telepathically "voiding all need for language and understanding." (those two phrases alone voided my ability to comprehend them, so apparently Mentalism works). Mentalism powers include Mindspeak (with an introduction from Methushael himself - he's always such a card), Mind Lock, Mind Hack and Telekinesis (which doesn't really fit with them theme of the rest of the Mentalism powers, aside from being generally seen as psionic-style abilities).
Contrasting the Lilian are the Liliana. Why we'd have two bloodlines with such similar names, I have no idea. They are apparently teh sexay vampires. They use blood to make their bodies "seem more plump and responsive." Immediately following is a good indication none of the real women Mykal Lakim has contact with are anywhere near being excited about it: "Unlike mortal women, female vampire secrete a plasma-like fluid when they become excited." Mykal Lakim may want a refresher course from a sex-ed class. Their Dark Gift is Passion, which allows them to get back some of that loving feeling. Powers include Lure, Charm (which can bring teh sexay in the middle of combat), Entrance, Adore and Worship.
The Huntru are Middle Eastern assassins. I'll just leave that there for a moment and let you remember where you've seen it before. (They're basically Vampire: The Masquerade's Assamites, which was essentially a single idea which subsequent writers were forced to expand into an actual clan.) They were once called Blood-Hunters and are the doormen of the vampire world, often asking "Who are you?" when they see vampires that aren't on the guest list. Their Dark Gift is called Raven and include Blood Sight, Scent of the Wold, Relentless Pursuit, Unseen Presence (this is kind of a cool one: they can meld into a solid object) and Artemis' Fury.
The Lyhin are apparently vampires that were created from a magical ritual, a recipe concocted by the bloodline's founder Ares (possibly John Ares, Mary Sue extraordinaire?) that includes faerie blood. This essentially makes them mages. Similar to the Bucoli, their use of Sanguinis incurs Paradox. Sanguinis rituals have a lot of pouring, soaking or dripping of blood. The Create Hallow ritual departs from Mykal Lakim's pattern of "Use a word, then give the definition" to "Use a word, and make some shit up for the definition." It states that a hallow is "Named for a vee-shaped valley which has a river running through it with beautiful mountains on either side and brilliant woodland environment". I had always thought a hallow was defined as a holy or venerated place (as in,"hallowed ground" or "Halloween"). Finally we the Art of Masking, which is essentially Glamour (and uses that term specifically). Art of Masking powers grant increasing abilities to create a "mask" that hides the character's true appearance. They also know Art of Nature, which includes a bunch of powers that enable the Lyhin to turn nature against the target.
Within the Lyhin are probably one of the few sparks of originality in Vampire: Undeath. While there are interactions between faeries and vampires in vampire literature - the effect of faerie blood in True Blood comes to mind - I can't recall any where the vampires themselves are part faerie. Overall, it seems like a fresher take on vampire lore (as well as vampires experiencing the memories of their victims as they drain them, an idea that vaguely sounds familiar but I have yet to be able to match up with any source I know of).
And here's where I break Wil's heart - there's a bloodline in Vampire: The Masquerade called the Kiasyd who are, I think, what happens when you Embrace a Changeling. If I remember them correctly, they're intensely studious and don't tend to get out much except for getting blood. Yeah, the Kiasyd are very, very close. Oh well. This is why we can't have nice things, Mykal Lakim. In all fairness, it's nigh impossible to do a vampire game and not cross paths with something that White Wolf has done in the last 20 years. I think nobody would even expect it. For now, I'll keep my optimism that this is a bit of originality because aside from Lyhin and Kiasyd having faerie blood, there are some relatively large differences between the two.
The Lyhin abilities seem to be a tiny bit unbalanced and powerful when compared to the others. I believe that the information about the bloodlines' origin may contain a clue as to why this is. The reference to "Ares" as their creator may be John Ares, from a free .pdf that Dark Phoenix Publishing put out called "New Character Scene and Guide." John Ares is all bad-ass, knows everything, plays Nine Inch Nails for elevator music and is over 10,000 years old. If it looks like a Mary Sue and it walks like a Mary Sue, it's probably a Mary Sue. Given that Ares created the Lyhin they are sort of a Mary Sue bloodline, which tarnishes the novelty of the Lyhim a little bit.
Alas, our brief interlude with originality is interrupted by the Daemoni, who are essentially Tzimisce. They practice Thaumaturgy and have the Dark Gift of Viscerror, or as I like to say, "Viscerororor" (don't judge me, I also say "editeded" and it's totally not my fault). Other people might like to say Vicissitude. Descended from the first mage, they are even more evil and satanic and stuff than the Bucoli. Viscerror gives them all kinds of transformative abilities. Ascension makes the vampire's natural form a puddle of blood (the Eligiere need this ability, except it would turn them into a pile of Ayn Rand books). Others include Metamorphosis, Form of Damonis, Changeling (which contains one of two strange Rubik's Cube references in the book. The best of the bunch is Blood Mastery which is like self-induced narcolepsy and possibly the set-up for the most douchebag move ever. Once learning it the vampire goes into Langour and all of their blood dries up. Afterwards, the vampire cannot die unless everyone leaves the room (that's the douchebag maneuver - trick someone into learning it, then everyone leave). Daemoni also have Bodycrafting which allows the vampire to transform others in horrible ways. One of the decent ideas in there is Purify the Form, which allows the vampire to draw out impurities in the target's body - up to and including fillings, implants, etc. (cue up GladOS: "Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.").
Daemoni also practice Thaumaturgy, whose introduction reads as such: "From the Greek Thauma meaning “miracle” and “eragon” which means “work”, comes the word Thaumaturgy. Also, the word “Theurgy” which means “divine-working” all play a part in the word Thaumaturgy. So what is Thaumaturgy?" Wait, didn't you just explain it? Anyway Thaumaturgy was founded by some dude named Vizer, who went a place called Arkham. Yes, you read that right - we are now mixing our vampire peanut butter with our H.P. Lovecraft chocolate. Also, failure at invoking Thaumaturgy results in...wait for it...Paradox! That's so entirely surprising, because Mage: The Ascension uses that same term. What a coincidence! Thaumaturgy has a large number of powers associated with it, including one that creates a whip made of blood that - if it isn't already in Vampire: the Masquerade or Requiem - I am almost certain is in Exalted. (And if not there, then it should be.)
The Obius bloodline is best known for their preferred travel method, "usually arriving by water or coming from the darkness itself, the Obius travel in pairs." Their Dark Gift is Umbris which, not surprisingly, has to do with darkness and stuff.
Darkness! The Darkness is spreading!
We're admonished that Umbris may seem like a useless power, but apparently being able to manipulate "reflected visible photons" (somewhere, God has just killed a particle physics researcher) is more awesome than people think. Not surprisingly their first power is Dim/Brighten which not only dims light but causes fires to be reduced to coals (Mykal Lakim really needs to read this). Other powers include Release Shadows (once again, a kind of cool ability that lets the vampire "tear" the shadow and reposition it), Summoning and Abyssal Mastery.
BASIC SYSTEM
Where the bloodlines are just kind of loosely derivative, the system (G.A.M.E., L.I.F.E., Infinity, Wasteland of Damnation, we're not sure what it's called at this point) is a hot mess of rules lifted from Vampire: the Masquerade and Mind's Eye Theater and patched together with bubblegum and bailing wire to try to make it work. The batshit crazy part is that the game appears to be a LARP that has been married to elements of a tabletop system, and it may just be attempting to be both at the same time. Mykal Lakim starts randomly talking about LARPs partway through the book, and does occasionally say that it's a LARP, but there are no indicators on the covers or in the game's introduction that it is. A tabletop gamer that buys this book is going to have much the same reaction as someone who thinks they're buying a BMW but finds that the interior is actually cardboard and there's a VW engine under the hood. There is no clear definition as to which is the G.A.M.E. or L.I.F.E. system in the rules.
But the text of Vampire: Undeath (I have to forcibly restrain myself from typing Vampire: The Undeath) frequently makes reference to the G.A.M.E system anyways - and there's even a page that has a picture of Dark Phoenix Publishing's website where DriveThruRPG is prominently featured, despite the fact that they are not associated with DriveThruRPG. Even worse, there's full page advertisements for Lakim's other games scattered throughout the PDF, which gave me flashbacks to when I'd read cheap novels published in the 1970's and come face to face with an stiff card insert for Newport Slims bound into the book.
This overall failure to communicate information is the norm, as is completely dysfunctional organization. Lakim has a tendency to kind of trail off from one subject to another abruptly (I'm thinking the Faygo kicking causes it). Because of this, it took a lot jumping back and forth and head scratching to finally figure out the basic resolution mechanic. One thing that is certain is that dice are not used - well, except equipment, which the glossary informs us adds to your dice pool (apparently Mykal Lakim missed the boat on that one, because he totally could have renamed dice pool to Hexahedron Combine and then defined both words). Instead, the game system uses the old standby, rock-paper-scissors. Except here it's called Throwing Chops(tm), which elicits the picture of grown men in plastic fangs throwing meat at each other. Many gamers probably have some inkling that Mind's Eye Theater uses rock-paper-scissors (as well as hand gestures) and other LARPs probably use this method as well. Either way it, it does make sense to use something simple that doesn't require dice, flat surfaces or fiddling with things that might interrupt game play. Personally I think for a game of dark, mature conspiratorial horror pencil fighting might work better, but maybe that was just too extreme of an idea. Expect a LARP from me that uses pencil fighting called Slapping Dicks(tm) with the admonishment, "Most people find this game too extreme to handle!".
I should note that Wil's inclusion of (TM) after Throwing Chops isn't him being facetious; Lakim actually includes the trademark symbol (TM) every time that he writes Throwing Chops throughout the entire PDF. I sincerely doubt that he's going to get much legal traction trademarking rock-paper-scissors under a different name.
When a character in Vampire: Undeath wants to try to do perform some action, the Director sets a task type as a Trial or a Test and a point level. Trials require Throwing Chops(tm) while Tests may or may not (functionally making them Trials that automatically succeed, and an unnecessary withdrawal from the World Capital Letter Reserve). The player must have an attribute skill total to bid equal to the number of points, plus or minus modifiers, that the Storyteller has set for the task. The player then Throws Chops(tm) against either another player or the Director (it should be noted, there is an explanation of contested tasks but no discussion of uncontested tasks - I'm assuming those cases the Director just makes a call). On a win the player succeeds and keeps their points; on a tie the Director decides which way it goes; and on a loss they fail the task and lose the number of points that they bid, which penalizes future actions during the game. Characters can, if they lose, choose to Retest and Throw Chops(tm) again (I'm going to keep writing Throw Chops(tm) at every opportunity because it makes me giggle). To retest the player must have an Edge, Virtue or a Willpower point - the retests are done using those elements in order. So say you have to dodge and you lose at Throwing Chops(tm). You say, "I have the Edge Double-Jointed!" (how being double-jointed helps you dodge a blow I'm not sure, just work with me here) and you Throw Chops(tm) again. If that fails, an applicable Virtue lets you retest again, and if that fails you can spend a Willpower point. Failing all of them is, as far as I can tell, a botch (surprise!). Finally, characters can choose to overbid if they have more than twice the points the Director sets - apparently this exists only to show others how awesome your character is.
There are a lot of modifiers, charts, rules exceptions, etc. to use during the game, which seems like a bad idea in a LARP. When you're planning on running around the park at night trying to bite 17-year-old goth girls on the neck in the hopes it turns into a make-out session, that's some pretty heavy baggage. The last time I played any kind of vampire-related LARP was at least 15 years ago, but I remember these tiny little cut down character sheets and a lot of funky hand signals (and corsets...definitely corsets). There wasn't a lot to remember except when to look mysterious and when to brood. Lakim even expresses frustration at the failure of others to remember rules when he admonishes us with, "Ok, for some reason, this is the most difficult to understand damage Type for Gamers to manage and/or understand. So let's go slow ok?" The reason his players are having issues is because the implementation - as a LARP system - is horrible. Of course, for tabletop rules they aren't much better. I can unpack a lot of data from a die roll very quickly. Using this system for a tabletop game means having to go through successive rounds of Throwing Chops(tm), which would probably make Exalted Second Edition's combat system seem like a game of Go Fish.
As an aside, the type of condescending tone seen in Lakim's statement above is evident throughout the game. From the pattern of "Use word, then define said word" to the admonishments about how the real world really works. There are also quite a number of sentences, and even paragraphs, that are completely incoherent. An entire section of this review has been dedicated to these WTF scribblings. One choice sentence, when discussing improvised weapons, states “How many times have you chased down a street and saw a board lying in an alley and used it to ward off your enemies?” Well, actually I'd have to say never. Not only have I never had the opportunity to try to catch up with a fleeing roadway, I've also never had the need to pick up a random board and start swinging it at people. Apparently Lakim has led a much more colorful life than I. More importantly, these odd turns of phrase make puzzling out the rules a game within itself. It's actually been suggested that Vampire: Undeath, Dark Phoenix Publishing and even Mykal Lakim are part of some augmented reality game. Maybe if we figure out all of the clues, we'll discover an actual playable game.
Here's some examples, so you can play at home:
TORTURING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, WITH MYKAL LAKIM
- repeated use of "in these nights", "during these nights"
- "Let’s start at the beginning you have a fucking clue. That’s more than I got." (This is in-character text in the beginning, but it's said to a new vampire by a more experienced one. So I don't know what's going on there...)
- "You literally die from blood loss"
- "Biodegraded McDonald's cup"
- "you’ll get that tang like the first drink of pop in the morning -your glands open up and you start to feel more energy surge through your veins." Taste buds are glands, I believe, but there's a reason why we call them taste buds. Because they TASTE.
- "Skateboarding together like a flock of crows in the night, these young vampires are seemingly everywhere" If skateboarding crows come up in your LARP event, move to a new LARP event immediately and notify the appropriate authorities.
- "Depending on how you yell the name, depends on how far the wind carries it." - I think this is a Zen koan.
- "Drinking in the victim’s blood, the vampire heaves as easily as breathing taking in a single Point of blood per Character Level." - Usually when I heave, it's not easy.
- "Although the Bucoli isn’t manipulating the flame as much as he is controlling it" - is there a difference?
- "I mean, if you live in Chicago, then you’d want a fair share of it but if you call Indiana your home, then you might not need so much." - Someone doesn't like Indiana I take it?
- "To know those handy can be a very good thing - especially for vampires." - Huh what?
- "To know those who know the law can be a very good thing - especially for vampires." - We should add "especially for vampires" to the end of every sentence. Especially vampires.
- "Some more feared vampires hold the sway over the courts in such a way that having an enemy Industry endeavors halted is no problem." - I believe I've seen instructions for electronics made in China with this exact same sentence.
- "Your skill with your hands are so great that others often get hurt when you use them." - Since this Edge became widely used, the number of people hospitalized just because someone nearby was using their hands has skyrocketed to epidemic proportions.
- "Leadership is said to be learned and just as important as anything." - Leaders have delicate feelings, and we need to let them know they're important.
- "Your character has the incredible ability to add mathematical numbers with ease." - But non-mathematical numbers are straight out.
- "Your character is the ideal epitome, the shinning example that all others look up to." - That phrase is redundantly repetitive, but apparently the character has nice shins.
Getting back to the system, like many heartbreakers (and poorly marketed role-playing games in general), Vampire: Undeath touts how thoroughly researched and realistic it is. In fact, it states very clearly that it is not a storytelling game but Realistic Fiction. We are also told "Our tales come not from the ratings of a drunken Irishmen or from a Hollywood director but instead, from the tales handed down in the very villages where the word “vampire” would cause peasants endless sleepless nights".
I just gotta stop Wil here for a second: What kind of iron-plated gall does it take to describe Bram Stoker, pretty much the motherfucking founder of the modern vampire story, as a "drunken Irishman"? I mean, maybe Stoker missed the boat on nunchuck-bullriding XXXTREME vampires or republishing Mary Shelley's Frankenstein as Bram Stoker's XXXTREME Nunchuck-Bullriding Frankenstein, or threatening to sue anybody who observed that the emperor was not only not wearing clothes but was also a giant IP thief, but, uh, this whole Dracula thing seems to have done pretty well for itself.
That leads to hilariousness. Under the rules for burninating vampires, we are admonished that they don't turn to dust or have gouts of flame burst from them because that is "nothing more than Hollywood, over-the-top theatrics and special-effects”. A few pages later, when describing the effects of being shot with a firearm, we get, "It still hurts like hell, you have a hole in your chest, and the impact throws you back on your ass.” [emphasis mine] It should be a given that the rules for sunlight go on to describe how vampires will start to burn from the inside like they had been stuffed in a microwave. Both of which are so totally realistic and not Hollywood at all. I should note that getting shot increases the risk of a vampire flipping out, I guess out of indignation from getting knocked over by a bullet.
This cluelessness about how things really work continues with rules on firearms and punching. A jammed automatic weapon requires five minutes from a trained expert to clear when it jams. I could field strip an M16A1 (named Nikki - it was the late Eighties, don't judge me), blindfolded, in less than 60 seconds. Clearing a jam was so instinctive I didn't even think about it. Maybe I'm superhuman (all Marines are, really). Under the Fighting Style: Firearm Combatant Edge (what happened to plain old "Gun Fu?") we find Mid-Air Reload and one of the most idiotic statements I've ever seen: "Sometimes you don’t have time to unload, put the gun down, grab a clip and push it into a gun." First, the pedantry. They're magazines, not clips. (I call them clips, but have not had a drill sergeant threaten to annihilate me for calling them clips. Also, why would you put the gun down to reload it?) And nobody has that time, ever, unless they're at a shooting range. That's why you just eject the magazine (pro-tip: you don't even need to catch it...just let it hit the ground!), pull a fresh one out of a mag pouch, and pop it in. It takes less three seconds or less. Also, there's no intermediate step between any kind of mundane fast reload ability and "OMG, I'm Jet Lee!" Yep - thoroughly researched and realistic. For punching there is a Strength Rating chart that describes just how much the target moves, doubles over, etc. It seems more like a series of cue cards for actors, telling them how they should react in a choreographed fight. Yet simply tightening your muscles lets you resist the knockback effects described on the chart. Because, you know, tight muscles will always help in any situation where you're being pushed around.
There are also a lot of rules that are referenced, but not followed up on. For instance, there's a Flaw called Incomplete Understanding that goes like this:
Incomplete UnderstandingCost: 2 DPType: Social [general]Effect: You just found out that something existed that you previously didn’t know existed. This could be finding out some other supernatural race exists and for some reason, you can seem to wrap your mind around the fact that these creatures exist. Whenever you encounter one, you suffer from Delirium until you can free yourself of this Flaw.
Now, you may be asking yourself what Delirium is. Wonder in vain, because it's defined nowhere in the book; it's referenced three times, but at no point are rules included. It also raises the question of how the flaw is going to work in real life - do you flop over and go into a grand mal seizure the instant that you see a werewolf because you "can't wrap your mind" around the concept, despite the fact that you're probably a supernatural creature yourself. (It should be pointed out that Delirium is what happens to mortals in Werewolf: the Apocalypse when they see a werewolf. It's how a werewolf flipping out and going Crinos in the mall winds up being reported as a bear attack.) Similarly, many of the Edges mention power sources, but there's no description of what those power sources are or how they work.
Otherwise the system looks and feels like someone's Storyteller house rules. That in itself isn't that bad - as noted, the role-playing game industry is by its nature derivative, and well-done retro-clones are usually welcomed. Of course, in those cases the authors are upfront about what their influences are and what they're doing. Mykal Lakim, as of the writing of this review, has only grudgingly added the World of Darkness as a "similarity" to Vampire: Undeath and his related games. Apparently converting Buffy and Castlevania style vampires is totally doable, but converting Vampire: the Masquerade/Requiem vampires makes them "unknown" because of differences between the backgrounds of the two games (yes, he actually said that). On RPG.net, the White Wolf forums, his company's Facebook page and other websites he has denied any link between Vampire: Undeath and Storyteller, but has made some name changes because of "copyright issues, no matter how vague the words" (I think the undertone there is, "and the pack of lawyers breathing down my neck"). Never mind that entire charts have been lifted pretty much intact from Vampire: The Masquerade.
EDGES AND FLAWS
Vampire: Undeath presents a whole slew of options to customize your character, appropriately called Edges and Flaws. The system is pretty typical, where they cost and give back points when the character chooses them. A good number of the Edges and Flaws are really standard fare. Some of them are obviously lifted from Storyteller (which obviously may have patterned them after other tropes themselves), others from various other vampire movies or books, and some just normal kind of crap. But when you combine them with complete lack of editing (and writing ability), some hilarious interpretations come up. The flaw Docile says that the character is lacking "physical persistence." So this means the character has problems staying in one place? Is memory resident only? The Flaw Clumsy has an obvious copy/paste from the Cowardice Flaw that requires the clumsy character to pass a Courage trial to do dangerous things.
"Why are you running away?"
"Because I might trip over something if I don't!"
Many of the Edges and Flaws begin their description with, "For some reason, the character", giving the impression that how the character gained the ability is a complete mystery. This causes some hilarity, because the Arthritis Flaw says, "For some reason, your character suffers form pains in their hands and joints." The reason might be the arthritis. Many of the Edges really seem like they should be Flaws and the costs are not balanced against each other. For example, "Nine Lives" costs 5 AP and allows the character to resurrect one round after death, yet "Technophile" is also 5 AP and requires the character to win a Trial in to resist being distracted by technology. There are also repeats of character Flaws and confusing applications for them. For example the Character Flaw Clumsy which, as noted before, requires a Courage Trial if the character faces a dangerous situation or they run away. Two paragraphs up though, the rules say, "For instance, a character who is “clumsy” are bound until they learn to be more coordinated to never be allowed to invest more that two Points in Balance or another related Skill, Advantage, ect. [sic]" Then there is the Flaw Natural Coward and the Character Flaw Coward, which seem identical. So do Character Flaws limit the amount of points that can be invested in Edges, Virtues, Natures, etc., or do they operate like Flaws? And how these flaws limit the points is never explained, nor mentioned again.
There are plenty more examples of Edge and flaw silliness:
Resemble Supernatural Creature - "For some reason, your character looks exactly like a supernatural creature." Wouldn't that be...a vampire?
Secret Friendship - This is listed as an Edge, but it probably should be a Flaw. Also, when I read the text "Secret Lovers" by Atlantic Starr suddenly started playing.
Sexy - Specifically limits the sex appeal to only members of the opposite sex, as opposed to letting the player choose which gender finds them attractive.
Student - Makes the assumption that all students are young, and that students learn faster than people who are not.
Amplified Attack - Everything the character touches get knocked back 10 feet, uncontrollably. This guy must be on everyone's guest list for parties.
Dulled Bite - "Using your fangs could take all night and kill the mortal from bruising them to death." I don't have fangs, but if I tried to chew someone's throat out they'd die from blood loss a lot quicker than being bruised to death.
Enraged Heart - "smells blood (with a low Chalice), sees blood (with a low Chalice), has their life threatened, is taunted by another, tastes blood (with a low Chalice)".
Mean Mug: No real problem with this one, but I'll just leave this right here:
Grumpy Cat is not happy to be in this review, but then again, he's never happy.
DARK GIFTS
I've gone over most of the oddities that appear among the Dark Gifts and other various powers that are in Vampire: Undeath, but here's a quick overview of how they work. The Dark Gifts are divided into several categories. Common Gifts can be learned by any Vampire. Dormant Gifts (also referred to as Bloodline Gifts, because certainly we can't have only one name for things - that would be too confusing) can only be learned by vampires of specific bloodlines. Then there are Rare Gifts that are known by really old vampires. The gifts all have a cost in terms of learning it, a cost in Blood Points, a type, and any other requirements they may have in terms of natures, level, etc.
Overall, the Gifts cover pretty much everything that you might expect a vampire to be able to do. The Common Gifts include abilities like hovering, flying, clinging, jumping, strength, Presence, speed, etc. Most of the Gifts are pretty appropriate for a vampire game, and most of them seem to be reasonably clear on what the Gift does. Some of the descriptions of the Gifts get kind of awkward when a very specific description of the Gift's effect is given (as we have seen with Upwelling Caress). Sometimes this is coupled with Mykal Lakim's awkward or incorrect use of words to make for very odd powers. Spider Climb, which seems like it would be very simple, allows for the vampire to cling to "small organic substances". I simply can't communicate how odd the power is without quoting nearly the entire thing:
"Effect: Upon invoking Spider’s Climb, the vampire’s body undergoes a small change. Supernaturally empowering him/her to cling to small organic substances. With this power, the vampire may balance themselves perfectly upon a well-placed vase or statue, walk sideways upon a wooden statue (maintaining their composure while standing horizontal). These feats must remain small, while the degree of impressiveness is left to the one invoking the power.
Restrictions: Spider’s Climb may only be used on targets which are organic (made from 100% natural substances) which are smaller than a five-foot by five-foot dimension (cubed). Walls and other structures cannot be used."
I think the idea here is that you can't use Spider's Climb to cling to smooth or slippery surfaces - especially given that upgrades to the power get rid of the "organic" restriction. Why it just doesn't say so is beyond me.
Well over 100 pages are spent describing various Dark Gifts. While not especially unusual for most game books, for Vampire: Undeath it underscores a potential problem. There are a lot of them, so there's a good chance a director or even a player won't be able to easily remember what their Gifts do during the game.
INFLUENCE
Influence allows a vampire to affect various areas of mortal society, ranging from police to academia to religion to organized crime. The rules are also a mess. Each type of influence has 10 levels that be be bought. Once all of the levels are bought, the vampire somehow loses them but gets a point of Sway (I'd have gone with Swagger personally). Presumably they are bought with XP; how they are expended is a complete mystery. The levels of influence, predictably, have some...issues. Industry only deals with construction, and at high levels allows the vampire to demolish buildings on a whim. Why even purchase Influence in anything else? Just buy up 8 points of Industry and you become a slum lord. Everyone knows they're really the ones in charge. The description of Media Influence says "The idea that a vampire can manipulate the news and the delivery of the truth to the masses has long been speculated. Well, maybe not a vampire, but most conspiracy theorists suggest that someone’s behind it." What? Wait a minute, I get it.
I'm not saying it looks like World of Darkness, but it looks like World of Darkness.
The levels for Military Influence are particularly bad. Someone doesn't know how the military operates (his name sounds like "Mykal"). Level 1 allows you to manipulate a "minor cadet" and know where to get your hands on "standard clothing" (normally known as a uniform). Most people can do the former with a few drinks and maybe showing some leg. The latter can be had at a military surplus store. Level 3 lets you cancel or arrange drill or PT exercises, while level 6 lets you falsify rank from E4 through Colonel (apparently, this doesn't work for the Navy - it's hard to fool them). Well guess what? If you can cancel or arrange drill or PT you are already impersonating an NCO with a rank of E-4 or higher, and probably an officer as well. Is it overkill to point out that this comparison of "E-4 to Colonel" is about useless, because it crosses from enlisted to officer ranks? Someone who knows how to impersonate a Corporal (E-4) in the Marines will not necessarily know how to behave as a Second Lieutenant (O-1). In fact, it's likely the Corporal has been in the Fleet for longer than the Second Lieutenant, who may have just gotten out of OCS last week (and may be in need of directions, and just maybe was misdirected miles out of his way by mischievous enlisted personnel - not that I'd ever do that). Level 7 means you can have someone discharged dishonorably, and Level 8 means you can have them discharged honorably. Having someone discharged dishonorably is a hell of a lot harder than having someone discharged honorably, mainly because it requires a court martial and the process is just harder to manipulate. An honorable discharge just means giving someone good reviews. I can see where the Influence might allow the vampire to modify someone's service record to be favorable enough for an honorable discharge, or have a character court martialed on trumped up charges, but it still stands that honorable would be easier to influence than dishonorable. You just can't distill down the ability to influence the military in this manner - the levels should really reflect the ability to steer military operations, divert drone strike targets, affect materiel distribution, gain access to military officers and intelligence, etc. In fact, the Influence levels for law enforcement seem a bit more on the mark for what the military levels should be like.
MORALITY
The morality system is confusingly presented thanks to a fucked-up chart that confuses the difference between the moral impact of a particular act and your Morale score - the column name is "Morale", but that's actually the amount of Morale you lose when you fail a trial. Or, rather, you lose half temporarily and half permanently - Mykal doesn't say whether to round up or down. It doesn't matter whether you're a conscienceless killer or somebody who's trying real hard to be a good human being, because Morale doesn't have the neat simplicity of the Vampire: The Masquerade's Humanity system. No matter what your current Morale is, you still roll the same amount of dice for degeneration.
It does have one half-assed Path equivalent, though, called the Heart of the Vampire. Accidentally killing is a sin in the Heart of the Vampire; so is killing for sport. You know what the worst thing is for a vampire in the path? Killing another vampire. One of the major features of vampiric society in Masquerade was that it was intensely fratricidal - that's what the fucking game was about! Here, it's the worst thing an ancient vampire can do! Even worse, see if you can figure out this sentence:
Vampire Nine - Failing the Cruor Dextor. A vampire who has a Morality this high has an innate respect for the lower deeds. When they, themselves, violate the rules of the Cruor Dextor, it is seen as a major sin, penalizing them -9 Points and requiring six Trials to avoid losing -4 Points. In this way, we see that the devout follower can be injured not by physical damage, but by breaking one of these commandments.
A nine point penalty to what? Losing four points of what? Even worse, there's sins that are just flat-out stupid. Drinking dead blood weakens you and causes the "energies of death" to permeate your vampire, but, uh, YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD; THAT'S WHY YOU'RE CALLED A VAMPIRE. Plus, it's basically the equivalent of saying "Drinking poison? That's a sin!" Dur dur dur. Creating a vampire? That's a Level Two sin. Drinking "foul blood" - werewolf or other supernatural creature's blood - that's a sin, the opposite of how V:TM sensibly made, say, werewolf blood more potent and therefore worth seeking out.
It should be explained that Paths in the original Vampire: The Masquerade were an attempt - with varying degrees of success - to allow vampires to essentially switch off their humanity and become something alien to human codes of behavior. It was a hit-or-miss effort - as it's been pointed out, people often used Paths to justify actions that they would have taken anyways - but it at least explained how the Sabbat could exist without degenerating into slobbering, mindless monsters. In Vampire: Undeath, it's a grab-bag of behaviors that essentially enslaves vampires to a rigid and contradictory code.
Even more entertaining? Whenever you drop to zero Morality, or pick up a new rank in Heart of the Vampire, you pick up a new Character Flaw: Depraved point. Except that Character Flaw: Depraved is described nowhere in the book. I mean, people used to rip on White Wolf all the time for Page XX errors, but that's an annoyingly frequent layout error, not the excision of a flaw that's crucial to the way that your entire morality system works.
Then there's just stuff that makes no sense whatsoever, like this description of what happens when you have seven or more blood points. Spelling is left uncorrected:
Seven or more Points invested grants the vampire a grea demons during any situation except for when they are exposed to sunlight. If struck with demons during any situation except for when they are exposed to sunlight. If struck with sunlight, the vampire must overcome a Self-Control Trial or flee the very sight of it, screaming and yelling until they are absolutely sure they are in the dark and safe.
What's an "a grea demons"? Your guess is as good as mine. I feel like I'm playing Wheel of Fortune and the board looks like this: __A__GREA__ _DEMONS___.
CONCLUSION
One problem with writing a Vampire heartbreaker in the first place is that it's damned difficult to find a particular vampiric archetype that White Wolf hasn't mined, ranging from the aquatic to the Aztec, and maybe both at the same time. (When Cortez came, they took to the water...) I had an extended conversation with a friend of mine about it - David Giles - who's extensively experienced in White Wolf's Vampire, and we came to the conclusion that yeah, it's possible, but you'd have to start by focusing on a very specific take on vampires and writing from there. I was thinking that you could get somewhere by making vampires desperate refugees who are constantly hunted, poor and desperate, addicted to blood and persistently moving - Near Dark with late-stage drug addicts - but you could do that just as easily with Requiem by tinkering with merits and turning some dials.
I don't think that there's a single role-player out there who hasn't, at some point or another, wanted to have the glory of having written their own role-playing game. And I think that everybody, at some point, has tried to do exactly that, only to realize just how much effort it takes to come up with an RPG, even a fantasy heartbreaker. I tried writing my own full-sized RPG, only to realize that I didn't have the time, dedication or mechanical skills required to come up with a game that everybody would play and enjoy.
What Lakim wanted to do was to write his own heartbreaker. I can forgive that. Anybody can.
What I can't forgive is when you essentially plagiarize somebody else's game, loudly deny that you're plagiarizing them, then threaten to sue people who point out that you're plagiarizing in an attempt to control what people can or cannot say with threats of legal action. Stealing copyrighted artwork and using it to sell your shitty plagiarism is just the icing on the cake.
You cannot steal your way into the winner's circle.
-Darren MacLennan
-Wil Hutton (Darren told me not to sign in Comic Sans, which totally tripped my, "Fuck you, I'll do what I want. You're not my real dad!" instinct).
Review Summary
