A review, of sorts.

When I picked up Apocalypse Troll based on the back cover blurb, I was aware that David Weber was one of the big names in MilSF (Military Science Fiction), a subgenre I have no interest in. The back cover made the book sound interesting, or at least amusing in a classic SF kind of way. Unfortunately, my experiment with David Weber's writing turned out disappointing enough that I decided to recoup my losses by performing some other experiments with the book. So please be patient if this review takes a few digressions.

Plot: David Weber actually came up with a plot worthy of an [URL="http://www.aicanime.com/"]AIC[/URL] [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tenchi_Muyo!"]harem anime[/URL]: a beautiful supersoldier from the future drops into the lap of a sailor in the middle of the Pacific. To expand upon this, the book starts in the far future, with an Earth spacefleet pursuing an invading fleet from an alien race with whom the humans are in a genocidal war for survival. During the running battle in hyperspace, we discover that the aliens, who are losing the war, have embarked on a desperate plan to eliminate humanity by traveling back in time and exterminating them before they become a threat. Several chapters later, after a nuclear firefight over the Pacific, we end up with the sole human survivor, a beautiful bioengineered supersoldier, who practically lands in the lap of a sailor who, from Weber’s description, seems to resemble Popeye. About the time I stopped reading, the future space babe is explaining (note that word) that a "Troll"-a cybernetically enhanced human-alien hybrid- has survived, and is plotting both revenge against its masters, and the destruction of the human race at the same time. Unfortunately, I didn't actually find out what the troll's plan was, as at about that point I started some other experiments.

Impact test: After reading the third chapter, I threw the book against the wall, hard. Result: a medium sized dent in the wall, and a minor dent in the spine of the book.

Writing: the amazing thing is Weber was able to take a concept worthy of an AIC Harem Anime, and make it tedious. Part of the problem with his writing is that he keeps explaining everything. He will interrupt a tense scene of F-14s being scrambled to explain how the airframe and electronics are almost obsolete; he will interrupt a tense space battle with an explanation of how hyperspace works and its tactical implications. And even when the characters talk to each other, they explain things: the space babe explains the war, history, and the threat from the alien. The sailor explains where they are, how the radio is out, and minutiae of sailing. . When they get to the inevitable sex scene, I'm sure they will explain how sexual intercourse works to each other, and, dear readers, I am not about to read far enough for THAT to happen.

Stress Test: After Chapter 7, I placed the book under the rear tire of my car, and backed over it several times. Result: I found out the book is remarkably durable, as it survived punishment that would tear a lesser book to pieces.

Writing continued: All this makes the book drag, and it doesn't help that Weber doesn't just makes his characters two dimensional, he makes them NOBLE. While they suffer all types of physical injuries, they are amazingly free of the quirks and flaws that make characters human and interesting. Weber really seems not to understand that engaging in hero worship of one's own characters is a bad idea, as it makes them lifeless.

Skid Test: After chapter 5, I tried kicking the book across the gravel parking lot. Result: aside from some scuffing to the cover and dirt between pages, the book ended up mostly intact.

Bottom Line: Weber came up with a great concept, only to ruin it with his obsession for military SF; while the tactics and technology is described in detail, the human element falls flat. The entire first section of the book, which details the hyperspace pursuit and crashlanding of our heroine on earth, could have been handled within two chapters by a more competent author, one who realizes that the important thing in the book is the human element, not the descriptions of battles or technology.

Hardness Test: I tested the hardness of the book against a stainless steel knife. Result: based on the ease which the knife penetrated the book, I would place its hardness on the Mohs scale as somewhat below 1, softer than talc.

Conclusions: while I couldn't actually stand the writing, my experiments have shown that Apocalypse Troll is good for a number of functions, such as table leg extender, square hockey puck, knife duller, or impromptu hammer for use on drywall. The one thing I wouldn't recommend it for would be as SF reading, because Weber can’t seem to grasp one of the basic rules of writing: show, don’t tell.

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