Lame joke, huh? Thinks this lame joke belongs in a collection of ZAP mission?
Nope. It was the jist of the begining of prehaps the best mission ever made in PARANOIA...Hunger, inside of the mission book, WMD.
WMD is not a ZAP collection of missions, but rather, a PARANOIA sourcebook of STRAIGHT missions, with its main goal to inspire fear and terror unlike anybody else in PARANOIA has ever seen before. And they are right. Reading these missions can make even the most evil GM shiver down his spine. The missions can make an evil GM regret that he has to inflict these missions onto players...if only for a little bit. Fear and ignorance is imbedded inside of this book, and I can only hope for more STRAIGHT mission books like this.
There is just too many puns and bad jokes.
Yes, Allen Varney has repeatly said "No puns." He has crusaded aganist puns against most people, who supported them. However, WMD, itself is full of bad puns. Wireless Memory Downgrades, Wholesome Meal Distrubtor, Lobot WMD-1, Whirlwind Mircale Destiny, Well-Meaning Debacles. All of them plays on the word 'WMD', and has nothing to do with Weapons of Mass Destruction. The puns made me groan. But they were lamer jokes too...
Repeatly, Allen Varney, in his mission, said that he had to take out loads of "comedic byplay", some of which included "two different transbots and two Troubleshooter teams and a surly IntSec agent, just classic stuff-but we had to cut it for space (sigh)" and he 'promises' to release the mission again with the comedic byplay in a new book "WMD: The Director's Cut". It was a joke, all of it, but one that did not deserve to be a mission that had anything but jokes.
Even the introductory page of the mission had a joke. The punishment for reading this book above your security clearance is: "being forced to play all missions in this book consecutively. Without bathroom breaks!"
Bill O' Dea says about the law on not allowing puns in STRAIGHT: "So simple, yet so hard." Puns are not allowed in STRAIGHT, and yet these members in the Traitor Recycling Studio did them, proving how right Biggles is.
I'm sorry for talking much about this point, which may be minor, but it is important, since if the writers themselves can't stop making puns and ruining the fear and ignorance in a Straight mission...how about us? I'm hoping that the missions was so serious, the writers had to crack jokes or lose their sanity...it would be somewhat justifiable. If they cracked jokes just because they wanted to...well, I hope they didn't.
while we can talk about how puns ruined the STRAIGHT style in WMD, the Traitor Recyling Studio did do something significant that will affect PARANOIA forever. Their new revolutionary idea is so shocking, so terrifying, that the puns that I moan over will be forgotten.
It is the idea of 'counter-hose'.
Many players of PARANOIA heard of a hosejob. It is a mission that cannot be solved, no matter what he or she does. A Catch-22 in some cases. Until the advance of XP, the hose was the defination of PARANOIA that sets it apart from the other games. Now, the counter-hose will set PXP apart from other games.
The term counter-hose has not been written in WMD, but it has been used several times during 1st and 2nd edition and the tatic has been used a great deal in WMD. The counter-hose looks like a regural old hose, and it seems there is no way out. However, no matter what the player does, the player can get out of the hose...successfully. They win. Even if they TRY to mess up, they still win. I can see GMs groaning over this idea, just as I groan over the puns. Who knows...it may make WMD unpopluar. But I like it. Making the players think they are hosed, and then having them get out of it presents an illusion that the players are in contorl. The players think, "Hey! I got out of that hose! I must be really smart! Yeah me!" This overconfidence can easily make them unsuspecting targets for the REAL hose that you will spring among them. It's also a great way to use that plot stick and get the players where you want to go.
However, the counter-hose can be used for more than that. HUNGER, for instance, uses counter-hoses a lot...the player is stuck in situations where he believes he is finally screwed, but luckily, he gets out of it. He will always get out of it. However, during that time, the player will be responsible for many evil deeds. Deeds that he can't redeem himself for. He won't get caught for them, but the player will soon see the effects of these deeds and may actaully feel sorry for what is happening, even if he isn't blamed for it. The player may even risk termination to try and stop what he has unleashed, trying to be a good person, an angel. Or he still fear that this is all a hose and they will be fingered for the mess he made in the end. (Foolsh players.) THIS is where you the GM pulls the rug under them and say, "Sorry. Trying to fix the mess you made...that's a real hose." Not in those words, but you know what I mean.
And, if you use the opitonal ending and actually offer them a chance out of the mess...the player may shudder at that choice, fearing the solution is worse than the problem itself. It's not a funny ending that neatly ties things together; it is a scary and terrifying ending, one that represents STRAIGHT at its fullest. Maybe the player would rather have the mess be contiuned, then try to fix it...knowing its horrible consquences. This shows the player actually care for what happens in AC...and if people care about the world of PARANOIA, then they feel the pain you inflict on them more so.
"... HUNGER is an exploration of the curel possiblites inherent in 'yes'" says Dan Curtis Johnson. And he is right.
Here is a list of Missions inside WMD, arranged according to how it is presented inside of the book, as well as a mini-review on each of them.
HUNGER is a mission that involves Troubleshooters rising up the ranks to high security clearances. That right, they actually rise in security clearances. (Remember what I said about counter-hosing?) They become more and more responsible for a mess that is being unleashed (or at least thinks they are responsible) and will try to fix it, or at least, cover up the fact that it's a mess. They fear being caught, but don't let them know that it's all a counter-hose and they won't be caught. Drop rumors however that somebody may be knowing it...that somebody might know it and will be out to get them. The Troubleshooters may be forced to work together, in an attempt to try and fix this mess, before it ruins everything and themselves. (Usually, Troubleshooters shoot each other, and not trouble. Note that if you actually force Troubleshooters to ally, then this means they are REALLY desperate for a solution...which is what you want. Plus, Troubleshooters that work together tend to dig their own big grave together...) And the opitonal ending that puts an end to the mess the player deals with is makes HUNGER one of the best, if not the best, PARANOIA mission together. It's worth the price of the book just for this.
HOT POTATO, while belonging in WMD, could also be considered Classic, due to some improable cirmstances. (Could it be that the Traitor Recycling Studio is accepting a brand new popluar playing style that combines both Classic and Straight?) Troubleshooters find a pacakge (named, Hot Potato.), and everybody wants it. So much so, that a secert society has decided to have an all-out attack on a sector to try and get it, shutting down the sector and causing much panic. Meanwhile, an evil military general is out to grab the package as well, in an attempt to put his plans for world dominantion into action. Now, Troubleshooters have to work together to make sure that the package doesn't fall into the evil general or the secert society, and get the package delieved...to their secert society (what? It's a package, we want it!). Of course, Troubleshooters belong to different secert societies, so they will be decit and lying to try and get the other Troubleshooters to arrive at their drop-off point to deliver the package. [This, by the way, will be a success. It's an example of a counter-hose leading up to a hose.] At the drop-off point though, many secert societies ambush the Troubleshooters to try and grab the package...and chaos erupts. Will the players get out alive? Will they deliver the package succesfully? Or will the evil general grab contorl of the package and take over the world (MWHAHAHA!)...Ironically, the players decide, unwittingly and unknowingly, of cousre. Their actions actually have a role in affecting the future of the package. It reminds me of the GRIM playing style, considered to be Owrellian and uber-STRAIGHT and was a popluar fad on Paranoia-Live. In it, it is described as the most 'hopeful' of the playing styles, since it allows players to affect the outcome of the mission, for better or for worse. [If you don't like this idea of players having a say, then you can make it wrong. You're the GM.] With fighting scenes, and lots of chaos, it makes for a good tense STRAIGHT/CLASSIC mission.
INFOHAZARD places players in a dangerous area, where all electronic items are the enemy. Players can get paranoid..."Is that door out to get me?" They also deal with a bot civil war, and can enjoy getting their support to help get them to complete the mission, though like most help in PARANOIA, it turns out to be temporary. The real STRAIGHT element of INFOHAZARD comes in when the player get promoted to ULTRAVIOLET by a false Computer who is supporting the electronic menance. Players will most likely accept the promotion, after all, The Computer did say it...and who would turn down an offer to don the white robs? The players will, however, in 60 seconds once they realize they are in contorl of a big sector, and they don't know how to run it. Making a big mess, and knowing that they are screwed, some sane players will demote themselves to RED to avoid the wrath of the false Computer. How ironic. However, aside from that STRAIGHT situation, the mission is a bunch of stuff tied together to present some fun. With a little work, you can inspire fear and ignorance, especially with the dangerous enemy lurking about...
WMD is the last mission in this book. Contray to what you think, it has nothing to do with weapons of mass destructions. Rather, it refers to the Lobot-WMD, a flying brainscrubbing machine. This frakenisten bot erased the memories of its VIOLET supervisiors, and made them think they were Troubleshooters. That right, your Troubleshooters are really VIOLET supervisiors who got their mind wiped by their own creation. The Lobot-WMD was told to do that by an inexpericend hacker who wanted to tell the Lobot to destroy itself, not memwipe everybody it can find. The players will slowly realize their true idenites as VIOLET citizens when they search through an abanonded headquaters, on a mission to destroy the Lobot. This is a Phillp K. Dick reality-shift that Allen Varney loves. The players learn they are really someone else, and their mind get to hurt. They also learn how to shut down and reboot the Lobot themselves...well, assuming they can work together at least for that moment. However, a very notable part is at the end of the mission, where they confront the man that sabatoged the Lobot-WMD. This man gives your players a choice. Use the Lobot-WMD on the man himself, punishing him for his crime, and returning back to VIOLET supervisiors...or give him the Lobot-WMD to let him try his hack again and destroy the bot. What will the players do? Will they be bastards, or will they actually turn the Lobot-WMD to the man that accidently erased their memories? You may be suprised at the answer. The desicion the player makes affects the ending of the story...
The book WMD has 4 great STRAIGHT missions and they desereve to be famed, if only for HUNGER and its new idea of counter-hosing, which I hope will catch on. However, its addication with puns and lame jokes can ruin the STRAIGHT style. Ignore them, and you got a great book.
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