Femme Fatales

There I was, perusing titles in my local newsstand, with a copy of this month’s Mysteries magazine in my hand when I decided to see what manner of entertainment ‘zines were on the shelf. That’s when I saw her. The gorgeous Amanda Tapping, Stargate’s Colonel Samantha Carter, staring up at me with a sultry glance, luscious lips parted ever so slightly, wearing naught but the glorious red, white, and blue of an American flag!

“Well,” thought I, “there’s something you don’t see everyday.”

I think there were blurbs on the cover about other actresses. But I really didn’t care. And that, dear friends, is how I ended up with what I am pretty sure is my first issue of Femme Fatales magazine. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!) So, in closing, I would just like to say that, Ms. Tapping, this is entirely your fault. ;)

Oh, wait, there’s that whole “review” thing to do. Guess I should get on with then, eh? All right. Here we go.

What can one say about a magazine whose largest cover blurb is “Revealing The Sexy Sirens of the Screen™”? The blurb they loved so much they trademarked! Well there is the obvious that this is a magazine dedicated to the various actresses portraying the enigmatic titular female archetype, the femme fatale, both on the big and small screens. However I am not sure that the title really applies here as I always thought femme fatales were supposed to be more than just a pretty face.

Indeed this magazine could more aptly be titled “Sexy Sirens” as not every actress covered really can be said to qualify as a hardcore femme fatale. Not that you are likely to find anyone complaining, unless it’s about the lack of pages dedicated to showcasing photos of the bountiful bevy of beautiful babes. Sure some may call that a sexist remark, but there is no denying that every actress found between the covers of Femme Fatale magazine is singularly stunning. This magazine covers the proverbial cream of the crop of talented thespians. Actresses portraying both good girls and bad. It’s not their fault they also happen to be beautiful.

Rating: 6 out of 10 golden apples.

Full Name: Femme Fatales (Vol 13, No 7, September - October 2004)

Page Count: 64.

Price: $6.99 US

URL: http://www.femmefatales.com

There are a lot of tidbits of information and articles about actresses within the pages of this magazine, and at least one brief article about an actor. In all honesty I have to say that, given the fact most of the actresses are adults, it is really odd to see a zine that seems to almost be directly targeted to either a Jr. High school male mentality or the undiscerning young male Collegian who probably thinks the most difficult problem he will ever face is deciding what brand of beer to buy for the next beer party. Ok, I guess given the theme of the zine it‘s not so much surprising as it is disappointing. But here‘s the real problem, in my opinion, is this: An article will be going fine then, all of sudden, here comes a totally stupid sex joke out of left field. It‘s inane. This magazine feels like it was written by schizophrenics, or at the very least by writer of good intention who couldn’t decide from one paragraph to the next whether they are serious entertainment journalists or tabloid sensationalists. It‘s distracting. You can do both, but you can’t try to do both at the same time, because what you end up doing is neither. Thus what you get is a magazine that feels like it is only going halfway. And it is because of that that I have given this magazine only a slightly above average rating.

Criticism: When Ms. Tapping’s photos are compared to those of ultra vixen Sandra Taylor- whose poses are used to illustrate cars in the article Drives Men Crazy- one can not help but wonder what sort of provocative poses the elegant Amanda might have struck. If offered the chance. Not that I am saying the entire magazine should have been dedicated solely to photos of Amanda Tapping, then again some may protest otherwise. That said the article itself left much to be desired. It read like a bland overdone bio. The power of the cover photo may have moved me to purchase the magazine but, color me fuchsia and call me a fool, I was actually expecting there to be some substance to the articles. At the very least something more than a few lines about the cover girl’s current series. A good article will titillate with rumors, innuendo, and questions about future movie offerings. The article on Amanda Tapping, which is what I really bought this ‘zine for, was weak. In fact it read like an over glorified bio. So, yeah, more pictures would have been nice. Or something.

Noteworthy: I have no idea who Sandra Taylor is, but if a picture is worth a thousand words then the first one to describe her pictures here would probably be: “Gah!” and the second would be “Ooh!” or maybe something a bit more guttural. They’re the kind of pictures that you’re younger cousin would probably hide away in their closet, at least until they graduate on to those “gentlemen‘s” magazines everyone is familiar with. But the real attention grabber, after Amanda Tapping of course, is the article on Milla Jovovich. In this article, called Beauty and the Beasts, which touches upon Resident Evil: Apocalypse, there a few bits about the movie and some other trivial tidbits. There are also two other brief articles worth note, My Bloody Valentine, about Sienna Guillory, another actress from Resident Evil: Apocalypse; and Back in Black, an article about actor Lance Henriksen and his most recent movie appearance in Predator vs. Alien. There’s also sections for book, music, and movie reviews. Movies covered in this issue are the movies Van Helsing, Gothika and Timeline.

Gaming Potential: As a general rule of thumb I try to limit my reviews to those things with gaming potential. Sadly, in all honesty, I just can’t think of any direct gaming application for this magazine. Save, perhaps, as a prop to keep those male players of the short attention span variety from wandering too far away from the gaming table. Yes, you know whom I am talking about, and best of all no need to make excuses to your SO about having a porn magazine at the table. Also, for the artistically inclined, the photos should provide amble source material to sketch from. Sadly, while there is at least one book reviewed in this issue that is directly gamer related- The Zombie Survival Guide- the review is very sparse. While it does mention the book being suitable “for an evil gamemaster to turn hunting parties into zombie appetizers”, otherwise the usefulness to the average gamer of this ‘zine is rather low. Be nice to have on the coffee table for pre-game conversation though.