Before I Kill You, Mister Bond... is one of many card games published by Cheapass Games. It's a funny game with low production values, much luck and an original premise.
Presentation
As the publisher's name indicates, Before I Kill You, Mister Bond... is a very cheap game, with matching production values. No glossy full-colour cards here. The 56 cards are from simple but sturdy cardstock, with black-and-white illustrations. The illustrations are rather crude, but they get the job done. Those of you who know GURPS sourcebooks will know what I'm talking about. The cards and the one-page rule sheet come in a sturdy cardboard box.
The rules are clear and concise, with some jokes thrown in for good measure.
Rules
The game's premise is quite original. Remember all those times you saw the Main Villain of the movie tell all his secrets to the Hero, confident in his victory? Of course, the Hero escaped from the Villain's stronghold and, armed with the information, won the day. This is the idea behind Before I Kill You, Mister Bond....
After drawing a card, you can build a stronghold by placing a Lair card on the table. Lairs are valued from 1 to 4, 4 being the most impressive. The following phase introduces the Spies. Spy cards have a different back, and are thus easily discernable. Spies are valued 2 to 8, with the higher numbers representing the more powerful spies. You can play spies from everywhere: from your own hand, from the top of the drawing pile, even from your opponents' hand! You can also play a team of spies, although those all have to come from your own hand. Spies can be played on every Lair, be it your own or your opponents'. If the Spy's (or team's) value is more than the Lair's, the Spy (or team) infiltrates the Lair and blows it up. If the value is equal or less than the Lair's worth, the Spy is captured. This nets the Lair's owner the spy's worth in points.
However, he can also taunt the Spy before killing him or her. He does so by playing a Doubler, the third type in the card mix. This doubles the revenue of the captured Spy, but is dangerous. Every Doubler has a counterpart. When this is played right after the original, the villain pushed his luck too far: the Spy escapes and destroys the Lair on his way out. You may play more than one Doubler on a Spy you captured, each doubling the value. Successfully playing 2 or 3 Doublers multiplies the value by 4 or 8 and is likely to put you ahead or even win the game. Once the deck has run out of cards and/or all the Spies have been played the game is over and the player with the most points wins. It also ends if one player reaches 33 points.
The version I'm reviewing here is the "better edition" (sic). It has several improvements, the most notable of them being Bomb cards. Bombs are Spies with infinite value, effectively blowing up every Lair they are visiting. The "better edition" also has some optional variants, some of them being quite interesting, others rather dull. ("Play to only 30 points" -- woo hoo!)
Playtest
The game is quite simple and easily explained. New players can begin after about 5 minutes of introduction. Most of the people I played with had some trouble getting the fact that you can only get points by capturing Spies in your own Lair, and that blowing up somebody else's Lair is a good idea, but doesn't give you points in and of itself. It also takes some time to teach them that Spies can be played from nearly everywhere, not just your own hand.
The sessions are brief, rarely lasting more than 20 to 30 minutes. The game can be played with 2 to 6 players, although it plays best with 3 to 5 players. With 2 players, there are too few options and there's little interaction. With 6 players, the game tends to drag.
At its heart, Before I Kill You is a game of chance. The luck of the draw determines a large part of your chances of winning. There is little strategy involved and long-term plans are simply useless, as other people can play your cards.
The distribution of the cards between the different types seemed a bit off. Lairs were often in short supply, and Doublers were often not used at the end of a game.
However, fun was had. The original premise, the silly Lairs ("Gift Wrap Counter", "Secret LaBORatory") and the over-the-top Doublers create a wonderful atmosphere. When a Doubler is used, the player must read the taunt on it. "Before I kill you, Dr. Kelley... I shall give you one last opportunity to divulge what they believe I think they know..." We often used a fake French accent (not unlike the ones used in the comedy series 'Allo 'Allo), and this proved to be infectious.
Conclusion
In the end, I must conclude that Before I Kill You, Mister Bond... is an excellent little game, easily giving you your money's worth. It has some flaws, but these are not jarring and can be fixed easily. (For example, remove some Doublers and Spies to increase the possibility of drawing a Lair.) Lovers of strategic games will have to look elsewhere, though, as luck is far more important than skill.
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