Many of you will already know John Kovalic's Dork Tower. If you don't, you can get an idea by visiting its website. Dork Tower is a comic about gaming geeks, obsessed with every little geeky thing out there. RPG's, computer games, LARP, Goth, Anime: you name it, they've probably ridiculed it and its players. Steve Jackson made a non-collectible card game about it with the subtitle The Game of Fanatic Fandom and Compulsive Collecting. So here we go.
What do you get for your bucks?
The game comes in a nice sturdy, cardboard case. You get 112 cards and 6 character standups, complete with plastic holders. And one sheet of rules. That's it. There are two issues here. First, the box has the standard size of about 9"x6", which makes it way too big to hold this little stuff. Your cards and character standups will be floating around in the box and take quite a beating. Apparently, taking a standard-sized box did cost less at Steve Jackson Games than manufacturing a smaller one. This leads to the second issue. The game is a bit expensive: for 25 dollars, you get very little, and it's not even complete! You'll also need quite a few markers to keep track of your game money, which aren't included.
What you do get, are 112 cards illustrated by John Kovalic. The characters of Dork Tower adorn many cards, and man, they are funny. You'll laugh your head off even before you played a single round. With cards like "Lightbulb: The Changing", "E-Bay Your Soul" and "Final Utter Cataclysm XVIII" ("I'm waiting for the sequel") you can't go wrong. Some of the text inside the illustrations is a bit hard to read, though.
The Dork Tower Card Game
The goal of the game is simple: you need to play Stuff worth 25 points to win.
First you select one of the characters from the comic: Matt, Igor, Carson, Bill, Ken or Gilly. Every character has its own advantages, disadvantages and Obsessions.
The cards are divided into two sorts: 70 Stuff cards and 42 Special cards. The Stuff cards represent geeky treasures your character wants to have, like the "Domination Spank Police Interactive Console Game with Exclusive Action Figure" and the "Warhamster Starter Set". Every Stuff card has a name, a value in dollars, a point total, one till three Obsessions it fits in and a quote to go with the illustration. The more points Stuff has and the more categories of Obsession it fits into, the more expensive it is. To play Stuff, you'll have to spend its value.
The Special cards are cards that make you take extra money, make you destroy or get Stuff, etc. Specials also include Obsessions: these are the particular interests your characters will want Stuff from. Every character has a Permanent Obsession which is mentioned on the character standup. A character can also acquire one Temporary Obsession. So Matt, who is obsessed about RPGs can also get obsessed about Anime, or LARP, or SCA, or Miniatures, as well. Stuff in play that matches one of your Obsessions (Temporary or Permanent) is worth twice its listed value, so you'll want Stuff you're obsessed about. Duh.
The turn sequence is very easy: First you get $30 at Collect Income, then you draw cards until you have five cards in your hand. Now you can make a Deal (I'll get to that later). After that you can buy Stuff and finally, you discard any unwanted cards. Making a Deal means you either trade Stuff with one other player, or you hold an Auction. In an Auction, multiple players can bid on your Stuff.
"Game Night" (or: Playtest comments)
The game was easy to learn and it won't scare many players off. After all, the rules are on one two-sided sheet. This brevity gives rise to some rules ambiguities, however. Can I play "Sell The Furniture" only during the Collect Income phase? What exactly is a "bad card"? These problems aren't crippling, however, and most can be solved by thinking logically.
The gameplay beautifully simulates the comic and the collecting madness. Stuff cards in your hand represent the thingies you saw in the store. You'll want to play them (buy them) but you need money to do so. Your income is always too low, so you'll end up selling Stuff you're not obsessed about to get money to purchase Stuff you are obsessed about. The card to best represent the spirit of the game is "Passing Fancy", which lets you discard an Temporary Obsession of another player. "Yes, it's cool, but it doesn't have the lasting collectability of my Galactiman Alternate History candy bar wrappers..."
Most of the cards are very funny and satirical. "But I Bought The Pizza!" lets you ward off a Special, that has to be played on another character now. The inspiration for this card is plain to see — every gamer has seen this happen. The Stuff you can get is also hilarious: a "Warhamster Gerbil General" ("He costs only twice as much, but he's worth three times the points, so it's a bargain.") or a "Medium Saber" ("For when light's not good enough...") and my personal favourite, the "12-Book Trilogy". And if you can't laugh at the cards, the rules will force you to laugh: "I Eat Your Spleen" says "...Put it into your own hand. Laugh nastily, unless you're Gilly." The subtext? "It's just a game. Hee hee. Suck it up."
While we had loads of laughter from the game, something just prevented it from being a good game mechanically-wise. First, it works better with more players. The box says "for 2 to 6 players," but it definitely works best with 4 to 6 players, if only for the reason that some of the characters work better with more players. For example, Matt and Gilly can't play any bad cards on each other. In a 3-player game, this is crippling. Igor lets you get a card from the discard pile. This advantage means very little in a small game, where the turnover of cards is very small.
Somehow, the game just lacks speed. Perhaps we're just the wrong group of people, or maybe we're missing something, but the game isn't very fast. A game takes about one hour with 4 players, but this depends on a lot of things. Luck plays a large role in this, and if one player gets ahead, there's not much other players can directly do about it.
"It Must Be Mine!"?
Chez Dork has its share of flaws. It's expensive, especially for an incomplete game in an awkward, oversized box. The rules could have been more precise and the mechanics miss something, most notably speed. I'm pretty sure most of the humour will be lost on non-gamers, who'll miss a lot of references.
On the other hand, if you're a gamer and you like to laugh, this is your game. John Kovalic's illustrations and the cards are hilarious. It's also easy to learn.
All things considered I like Chez Dork a lot, despite its flaws — it's just great fun.
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