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Dungeons and Dragons
Playtest Review by Bradford C. Walker on 09/03/01
Style: 4 (Classy and well done) Substance: 3 (Average) If you're looking for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon go elsewhere; if you're looking for Krull or Willow then come right in and enjoy the fun. Product: Dungeons and Dragons Author: Courtney Solomon (director); Topper Lilien & Carroll Cartwright (writers); a small army of producers that includes Solomon, Joel Silver, and Justin Whalin. Category: Motion Picture Company/Publisher: Sweetpea Entertainment (via New Line Cinema) Line: Dungeons and Dragons (if this turns into a movie franchise Cost: Ticket prices vary; check local listings Page count: n/a Year published: 2000 ISBN: n/a SKU: n/a Playtest Review by Bradford C. Walker on 09/03/01 Genre tags: Fantasy |
By now, I've seen this movie twice. Yes, I liked it. No, I don't think that this is a well-made film. If you're expecting something like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, then you will be very disappointed. If you're looking for Krull or Willow, then you'll find just what you're looking for.
The plot here is nothing that you haven't seen before, or that you haven't done before in your own D&D games: Evil Archmage Profion (Jeremy Irons) seeks to usurp control of the Empire of Izmer from its young empress, Savina (Thora Birch). The Royal Rod of (Gold) Dragon Control, which Savina wields, stands in the way. He tries to create a duplicate of the rod, fails, and that sets off the series of events that drive this movie's plot. Our Hero and his sidekick--Ridley Freeborn (Justin Whalin) and Snails (Marlon Wayans)--get involved after bungling their attempt to rob the Magic School. Their captor, Marina of Pretensa (Zoe McLellan), runs from Damodar (Bruce Payne) and his Red Brigades after they kill her teacher. She grabs McGuffin #1 when she flees, and off goes our big adventure to Save The Empire. After this, we gain two more heroes--Elwood Gutworthy the dwarf (Lee Arneburg) and Norda, the Empress' Tracker, a half-elf (Kristen Wilson)--and get more of the backstory: Savina wants to remove the barriers between the mages who rule the empire and the commoners that serve it, while Profion seeks to use this struggle in the mageocracy to serve his own ambitions. We see one short dungeon when Ridley goes for McGuffin #2 at the Antius Thieves' Guild, see Richard O'Brian do a suitably cheesy turn as Xilus, the head of that guild, and then go on to see Damodar kill one of the heroes after acting like a damned moron (No, I won't spoil it; someone else can do that.) and nearly kill a second, Tom Baker as Halvarth the Elf King (IMO, he's the best part of the film.), the Rod of Savrille's retrieval, and then the Big Bad Battle between armies of Gold and Red Dragons at the end amidst the heroes and villains throwing down in Profion's tower. Oh, and the good guys win, but you knew that would happen. Yes, there is plenty of room for a sequel. Since this film only cost $35 million in U.S. dollars to make, and over half that is already recouped in U.S. first-run box office reciepts, I expect foreign returns and home video sales to pump this film into the "Profitable Picture" region in a year or so. That means that I expect a sequel before 2003; this is how the Austin Powers franchise got off the ground, so I see no reason for this film to fail to do likewise. The flaws: Thora Birch was a snoozefest; if she wasn't wearing those form-fitting outfits most of the time, I'd never pay attention to her. There was no projection, no emotion, no nothing to her portrayal of a young and in-over-her-head Empress Savina. Norda's breastplate was far too literal to be believed. Elwood never actually used his axe like any dwarf characters we'd know. Snails was Jar Jar without the alien form. I've seen better fight choreography out at the Minnesota Renaisance Festival. The film steals shamelessly from all of the Star Wars films and the Indiana Jones films. The dialogue is just as bad as it is at any Renaisance Festival, especially Minnesota's; if you're not a Ren Faire fan, think of Herc and Xena's dialogue. Irons chews through so much scenery that he needs a toothpick and a diet after the fact. There's some jarring bits that scream "DELETED SCENE!", and the costume is worse than the MN Festival. (That takes talent.) Which, of course, is why this is the best translation of a D&D game session to film yet produced. Bad dialogue, shamelessly taken plots and elements, bad descriptions, characters that shift suddenly from useful to useless and back, McGuffin Hunts Galore, and more: this is the D&D experience for a great many of us. As a fantasy film, this movie is a piece of fine gouda cheese waiting to be savored, but as a comedy about how we gamers often conduct our games it's a critical hit. "So what the hell does this have to do with gaming?" Man, if you have to ask that question then you haven't been paying attention. This film is one big study manual for how to design and run adventures, especially D&D adventures. Due to the constraints of the medium, time, and resources, we didn't see much dungeoneering but that which did appear really did capture the look and feel of good dungeon traps. The scope of the adventure, while grand, didn't forget to make the heroes' action the ones that truly make or break the fight between Profion and Savina. For everything they gain, they fought, bled, and died to achieve- this is how it should be in any decent D&D adventure. Oh hell, just go see it when it hits a cheap theater or home video. You'll have a good time, especially if you get together your pals for a big MSTie Party. ("MSTie": noun, "A parody of a film done in the style of Mystery Science Theater 3000.") | |
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