The Inside Scoop on Gaming

A gamer and his are money soon parted. They part even sooner if said gamer stumbles upon one of Toy Vault's Cthulhu Plush.

Toy Vault's Cthulhu Plush may not be the only stuffed Cthulhu doll available on the market, but it is certainly one of the best. Cthulhu Plush is machine made in China, so while it may be created amongst human rights violations and sweat shops (which is strangely appropriate for a Cthulhu toy), it's not as prone to the sometimes nebulous quality of various cottage industry Cthulhus.

The fabric is sturdy and soft, and the stitching is quite good. Cthulhu Plush has plastic beans in its bottom and tentacle tips to provide weight. Heavy wire runs through its wings and back to give it some support when sitting. While this makes Cthulhu Plush look good sitting on a television or makeshift altar, the wire probably means that it is not appropriate for little children who could harm themselves on a bent or broken wing wire (again, this is appropriate for Cthulhu but most likely not for your child). A cottage industry Cthulhu toy, available at any place gamers and geeks gather (Conventions, SCA meets, FLGSs, etc.), would make a better gift for a little one.

Cthulhu Plush's eyes are pretty slick, seeing as they have slits and give it a sometimes sinister, sometimes dopey expression. The fuzzy little beastie's entire posture is best suited to crouching, mayhaps lurking. The combination of flipper-like hands that fit perfectly onto its pre-bent knees and its long, almost beard-like face of tentacles gives Cthulhu Plush the air of a fuzzy green Cthulhu-Santa.

Don't believe me? Well, you can check out a picture of Cthulhu Plush at Toy Vault's website here.

I consider this a Playtest Review because, as my girlfriend can attest, I have done nothing but play with my Cthulhu Plush, lovingly named "Howie," for the past week. In that time, I have found a wide variety of uses for my dear Howie.

TEN THINGS TO DO WITH CTHULHU PLUSH

1. Pick Up Female Gamers. Do you have a problem approaching females in gamestores? With a Cthulhu Plush at your side, they'll approach you, guaranteed. I guess this may work in reverse, but I can't figure out why a female would want a male gamer talking to her.

2. Play a New Scenario for The Hills Rise Wild!, the hillbilly Mythos Game You Should Be Playing Right Now. Say that, before dying, old Wizard Whately managed to summon Cthulhu with the help of the Necronomicon. Now, dread Cthulhu (played by your new Cthulhu Plush) crouches on the Mansion raining down death upon all who approach it. If a model ever ends its movement with an unobstructed line of sight between it and dread Cthulhu, it automatically suffers a level of Brutal Damage. The goal of the scenario is to locate the Necronomicon, which has been hidden in one of the Shacks, bring it back to your faction's HQ, and cast the spell that will summon YOUR Dark God so that it can fight Cthulhu. Big Fun!

3. Distract Annoying Coworkers from Telling You About Their Weekend. Simply set up your Cthulhu Plush near your work area (Howie sits great on my monitor). When said coworker approaches, engage in a heated argument with your fuzzy green Master. If your coworker asks about this, simply peer closely at him, pausing only to exchange a knowing nod with your Cthulhu Plush.

4. Surprise Your Girlfriend Coming Home From Work. You can hook a line up to Cthulhu Plush's back and attach that line to the ceiling. When your girlfriend comes home, you can swing it at her, yelling something about 'Ia! Cthulhu!'. (NOTE: If you girlfriend is bringing home milk and you do this, making her drop it, you will be in DEEP TROUBLE.)

5. Deter Thieves from Breaking Into Your Car. Obviously, anyone with a Cthulhu Plush on their dashboard is too insane to have anything work stealing.

6. Fight Loneliness. Why watch TV alone on a Friday night when you can do so with Cthulhu Plush? Howie really likes Farscape. Dargo is his hero.

7. Mess With H.P. Lovecraft. Build a time machine. Go back in time to confront H.P. Lovecraft with your Cthulhu Plush. Try to convince him that, in the future, there are several large amusement parks and fairs dedicated to the Mythos and that all children know his name. Enjoy his reaction.

8. Freak Out Your Cat Nothing turns your cat into a spaz quicker than sneaking up on it with Cthulhu Plush and waving it in the cat's face while shouting. Or, if you don't want to freak out your cat because it's 1) a kitten and 2) you'll get into DEEP TROUBLE with your girlfriend, simply place Cthulhu Plush in the kitten's sleeping area. When the cat sleeps, cuddled up to the plush incarnation of evil, the image will soften even the most stoic low-sanity person's heart.

9. Use It as a Familiar for Your Magic-Oriented LARP Character. I got Howie around the same time my Tremere got enough XP to buy the Ritual that allows for Homunculi creation. Bonus. I'm sure a Cthulhu Plush will help out any and all LARP characters, both in and out of game (see #1).

10. Treat It Like the Child You Will (Thankfully) Never Have. Hey, it's worked out great for me!

So, to sum up, if you see one of Toy Vault's Cthulhu Plush on the shelf at your favorite local gamestore, buy it. It may be as costly as a core book for a RPG, but I assure you you'll get just as much enjoyment out of it.

(WARNING: THE SURGEON GENERAL HAS NOTED THAT AN INTRODUCTION OF A CTHULHU RELATED TOY TO ONE'S LIFE CAN RESULT IN A SUDDEN INFLUX OF STRANGE LUCK, HAPPENINGS, AND KARMA. BE THOU WARNED BEFORE PURCHASE.) Andrew Meger

Cthulhu Plush
Item type: RPG Product Name: Cthulhu Plush Author: Toy Vault, Inc. Company/Publisher: Toy Vault, Inc. Line: SKU: Cost: $28.00 Page count: n/a ISBN: Genres: Ratings: Style: 5 (Excellent!) Substance: 5 (Excellent!) Review type: Playtest Review Genre tags:	A gamer and his are money soon parted. They part even sooner if said gamer stumbles upon one of Toy Vault's Cthulhu Plush. Toy Vault's Cthulhu Plush may not be the only stuffed Cthulhu doll available on the market, but it is certainly one of the best. Cthulhu Plush is machine made in China, so while it may be created amongst human rights violations and sweat shops (which is strangely appropriate for a Cthulhu toy), it's not as prone to the sometimes nebulous quality of various cottage industry Cthulhus. The fabric is sturdy and soft, and the stitching is quite good. Cthulhu Plush has plastic beans in its bottom and tentacle tips to provide weight. Heavy wire runs through its wings and back to give it some support when sitting. While this makes Cthulhu Plush look good sitting on a television or makeshift altar, the wire probably means that it is not appropriate for little children who could harm themselves on a bent or broken wing wire (again, this is appropriate for Cthulhu but most likely not for your child). A cottage industry Cthulhu toy, available at any place gamers and geeks gather (Conventions, SCA meets, FLGSs, etc.), would make a better gift for a little one. Cthulhu Plush's eyes are pretty slick, seeing as they have slits and give it a sometimes sinister, sometimes dopey expression. The fuzzy little beastie's entire posture is best suited to crouching, mayhaps lurking. The combination of flipper-like hands that fit perfectly onto its pre-bent knees and its long, almost beard-like face of tentacles gives Cthulhu Plush the air of a fuzzy green Cthulhu-Santa. Don't believe me? Well, you can check out a picture of Cthulhu Plush at Toy Vault's website here. I consider this a Playtest Review because, as my girlfriend can attest, I have done nothing but play with my Cthulhu Plush, lovingly named "Howie," for the past week. In that time, I have found a wide variety of uses for my dear Howie. TEN THINGS TO DO WITH CTHULHU PLUSH 1. Pick Up Female Gamers. Do you have a problem approaching females in gamestores? With a Cthulhu Plush at your side, they'll approach you, guaranteed. I guess this may work in reverse, but I can't figure out why a female would want a male gamer talking to her. 2. Play a New Scenario for The Hills Rise Wild!, the hillbilly Mythos Game You Should Be Playing Right Now. Say that, before dying, old Wizard Whately managed to summon Cthulhu with the help of the Necronomicon. Now, dread Cthulhu (played by your new Cthulhu Plush) crouches on the Mansion raining down death upon all who approach it. If a model ever ends its movement with an unobstructed line of sight between it and dread Cthulhu, it automatically suffers a level of Brutal Damage. The goal of the scenario is to locate the Necronomicon, which has been hidden in one of the Shacks, bring it back to your faction's HQ, and cast the spell that will summon YOUR Dark God so that it can fight Cthulhu. Big Fun! 3. Distract Annoying Coworkers from Telling You About Their Weekend. Simply set up your Cthulhu Plush near your work area (Howie sits great on my monitor). When said coworker approaches, engage in a heated argument with your fuzzy green Master. If your coworker asks about this, simply peer closely at him, pausing only to exchange a knowing nod with your Cthulhu Plush. 4. Surprise Your Girlfriend Coming Home From Work. You can hook a line up to Cthulhu Plush's back and attach that line to the ceiling. When your girlfriend comes home, you can swing it at her, yelling something about 'Ia! Cthulhu!'. (NOTE: If you girlfriend is bringing home milk and you do this, making her drop it, you will be in DEEP TROUBLE.) 5. Deter Thieves from Breaking Into Your Car. Obviously, anyone with a Cthulhu Plush on their dashboard is too insane to have anything work stealing. 6. Fight Loneliness. Why watch TV alone on a Friday night when you can do so with Cthulhu Plush? Howie really likes Farscape. Dargo is his hero. 7. Mess With H.P. Lovecraft. Build a time machine. Go back in time to confront H.P. Lovecraft with your Cthulhu Plush. Try to convince him that, in the future, there are several large amusement parks and fairs dedicated to the Mythos and that all children know his name. Enjoy his reaction. 8. Freak Out Your Cat Nothing turns your cat into a spaz quicker than sneaking up on it with Cthulhu Plush and waving it in the cat's face while shouting. Or, if you don't want to freak out your cat because it's 1) a kitten and 2) you'll get into DEEP TROUBLE with your girlfriend, simply place Cthulhu Plush in the kitten's sleeping area. When the cat sleeps, cuddled up to the plush incarnation of evil, the image will soften even the most stoic low-sanity person's heart. 9. Use It as a Familiar for Your Magic-Oriented LARP Character. I got Howie around the same time my Tremere got enough XP to buy the Ritual that allows for Homunculi creation. Bonus. I'm sure a Cthulhu Plush will help out any and all LARP characters, both in and out of game (see #1). 10. Treat It Like the Child You Will (Thankfully) Never Have. Hey, it's worked out great for me! So, to sum up, if you see one of Toy Vault's Cthulhu Plush on the shelf at your favorite local gamestore, buy it. It may be as costly as a core book for a RPG, but I assure you you'll get just as much enjoyment out of it. (WARNING: THE SURGEON GENERAL HAS NOTED THAT AN INTRODUCTION OF A CTHULHU RELATED TOY TO ONE'S LIFE CAN RESULT IN A SUDDEN INFLUX OF STRANGE LUCK, HAPPENINGS, AND KARMA. BE THOU WARNED BEFORE PURCHASE.) Andrew Meger