The Inside Scoop on Gaming

Movies are a lot like restaurants. Sometimes you want a well-cooked filet mignon on some really good china. Other times you just want to grabg a Big Mac in the car on the way home. They both fill you up, both taste good in their own way, but you'd never confuse on for the other, and either way, you don't go to McDonalds looking for the filet mignon.

The purpose of this comparison (other than making me pretty hungry) is to understand how I look at the Dungeons and Dragons movie. Is it going to win any Oscars? Oh, absolutely not. But was I entertained for the two or so hours I was in the theater? Definitely.

The story is your basic "unlikely heroes caught up in larger events" scenario that should be familiar to anyone who ever played a pre-printed adventure. Seems the mage Profion (Jeremy Irons) doesn't look too kindly on the efforts of the Empress of Izmer (Thora Birch) to correct the inequalities of the mage-ocracy in her empire. To challenge her, though, he needs a magical rod that will enable him to control red dragons, thus allowing him to oppose the power of the Empress' scepter and it's ability to control gold dragons. He dispatches his warrior Damodar (Bruce Payne) to retrieve the rod, opposed by the accidental alliance of the thieves Ridley (Justin Whalen) and Snails (Marlon Wayans), the apprentice mage Marina (Zoe McLellan), the dwarf Ellwood (Lee Arenberg), and the elven ranger Norda (Kristen Wilson). The rest of the film is the race between the good guys and the bad guys, with the fate of the kingdom in the balance.

It's pretty standard fare, and nothing we haven't seen before, especially if, like me, you lived through the modest fantasy glut of the early- and mid-eighties (which brought us gems like Beastmaster, The Sword and the Sorceror, and the Conan films), or if you've read ANY fantasy novels EVER. There are also some obvious visual references to the Indian Jones trilogy (so obvious it's hard not to believe they weren't intentional). And the quality of the performances varies wildly. On the plus side, Whalen is fairly believable as he struggles with his distrust for mages and his desire to do the right thing, Arenberg dives into his unfortunately underwritten part with genuine dwarven relish, and it's hard not to get caught up in the delight with which Richard O'Brien plays Silas, the leader of the thieves guild. However, Birch sounds like a kid in a grade-school play about the Founding Fathers in most of her speeches, while Irons eyes always seem permanently widened, most likely in search of scenery to chew. And Wayans' thief veers dangerously close to Jar Jar territory. But oddly enough, the over-the-topness of the acting works in the film's favor. It's as if someone made the most expensive 1930s swashbuckler ever -- the minute someone opens their mouth, you know if they're a good or evil, and why simply speak your lines when a good scream or snarl will do? In fact, it's fairly easy to see this as how a lot of us imagine our characters talking when we're gaming, all bold speeches and declarations, with all the subtlety of an armored fist. It may not stand up to serious criticism, but it stays consistent to itself, and so it all works.

The special effects won't make anyone forget Jurassic Park or Phantom Menace -- think Hercules and Xena and you're more on the right track -- but they serve the story well. The spell effects all look very good (there's a nice bit where character bound by a mage are dragged along helplessly as the mage flees from danger), and there are very few CGI "groaners" where the effects look fake. The final dragon battle, with the skies over Izmer filled with battling dragons and magical spells, is truly spectacular, both visually and viscerally, and it provides the film with a rousing climax that will most likely be the lasting image people take from the film.

So okay, it works as a movie. How about as a DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS movie? Again, I can't complain. There are definitely moments thrown in that only long-time gamers will appreciate, such as Ridley telling Marina "You're an apprentice mage! You're useless!" There's a brief moment where the differences between mages and clerics are touched on, and of course a lot of the fun comes from playing Name the Spell/Creature as the film goes on, since it (rather wisely) doesn't slow things down to point out "Hey look! A fireball spell!) It may not be the Greyhawk/Forgotten Realms/Dragonlance film many have been longing for, but you're sure able to see Gygax's baby underneath it all.

A couple of friends of mine saw the film opening day, and painted such a bleak picture that perhaps my surprisingly positive reaction was a result of greatly lowered expectations. This is not a film that is going to change the world, or alter movie-making as we know it. More than likely it won't do well enough to merit a sequel, and we may have to wait another twenty-five years for another Dungeons and Dragons movie. But if you're in the mood for a Big Mac, you could do a lot worse.

My only wish was that it started in an inn....

Style: 4 (Classy and well done)
Substance: 3 (Average)

Dungeons & Dragons - The Movie
Author: Directed by Courtney Solomon Category: movie Company/Publisher: New Line Cinema Line: Dungeons and Dragons Capsule Review by Richard Dickson on 12/12/00. Genre tags: Fantasy	Movies are a lot like restaurants. Sometimes you want a well-cooked filet mignon on some really good china. Other times you just want to grabg a Big Mac in the car on the way home. They both fill you up, both taste good in their own way, but you'd never confuse on for the other, and either way, you don't go to McDonalds looking for the filet mignon. The purpose of this comparison (other than making me pretty hungry) is to understand how I look at the Dungeons and Dragons movie. Is it going to win any Oscars? Oh, absolutely not. But was I entertained for the two or so hours I was in the theater? Definitely. The story is your basic "unlikely heroes caught up in larger events" scenario that should be familiar to anyone who ever played a pre-printed adventure. Seems the mage Profion (Jeremy Irons) doesn't look too kindly on the efforts of the Empress of Izmer (Thora Birch) to correct the inequalities of the mage-ocracy in her empire. To challenge her, though, he needs a magical rod that will enable him to control red dragons, thus allowing him to oppose the power of the Empress' scepter and it's ability to control gold dragons. He dispatches his warrior Damodar (Bruce Payne) to retrieve the rod, opposed by the accidental alliance of the thieves Ridley (Justin Whalen) and Snails (Marlon Wayans), the apprentice mage Marina (Zoe McLellan), the dwarf Ellwood (Lee Arenberg), and the elven ranger Norda (Kristen Wilson). The rest of the film is the race between the good guys and the bad guys, with the fate of the kingdom in the balance. It's pretty standard fare, and nothing we haven't seen before, especially if, like me, you lived through the modest fantasy glut of the early- and mid-eighties (which brought us gems like Beastmaster, The Sword and the Sorceror, and the Conan films), or if you've read ANY fantasy novels EVER. There are also some obvious visual references to the Indian Jones trilogy (so obvious it's hard not to believe they weren't intentional). And the quality of the performances varies wildly. On the plus side, Whalen is fairly believable as he struggles with his distrust for mages and his desire to do the right thing, Arenberg dives into his unfortunately underwritten part with genuine dwarven relish, and it's hard not to get caught up in the delight with which Richard O'Brien plays Silas, the leader of the thieves guild. However, Birch sounds like a kid in a grade-school play about the Founding Fathers in most of her speeches, while Irons eyes always seem permanently widened, most likely in search of scenery to chew. And Wayans' thief veers dangerously close to Jar Jar territory. But oddly enough, the over-the-topness of the acting works in the film's favor. It's as if someone made the most expensive 1930s swashbuckler ever -- the minute someone opens their mouth, you know if they're a good or evil, and why simply speak your lines when a good scream or snarl will do? In fact, it's fairly easy to see this as how a lot of us imagine our characters talking when we're gaming, all bold speeches and declarations, with all the subtlety of an armored fist. It may not stand up to serious criticism, but it stays consistent to itself, and so it all works. The special effects won't make anyone forget Jurassic Park or Phantom Menace -- think Hercules and Xena and you're more on the right track -- but they serve the story well. The spell effects all look very good (there's a nice bit where character bound by a mage are dragged along helplessly as the mage flees from danger), and there are very few CGI "groaners" where the effects look fake. The final dragon battle, with the skies over Izmer filled with battling dragons and magical spells, is truly spectacular, both visually and viscerally, and it provides the film with a rousing climax that will most likely be the lasting image people take from the film. So okay, it works as a movie. How about as a DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS movie? Again, I can't complain. There are definitely moments thrown in that only long-time gamers will appreciate, such as Ridley telling Marina "You're an apprentice mage! You're useless!" There's a brief moment where the differences between mages and clerics are touched on, and of course a lot of the fun comes from playing Name the Spell/Creature as the film goes on, since it (rather wisely) doesn't slow things down to point out "Hey look! A fireball spell!) It may not be the Greyhawk/Forgotten Realms/Dragonlance film many have been longing for, but you're sure able to see Gygax's baby underneath it all. A couple of friends of mine saw the film opening day, and painted such a bleak picture that perhaps my surprisingly positive reaction was a result of greatly lowered expectations. This is not a film that is going to change the world, or alter movie-making as we know it. More than likely it won't do well enough to merit a sequel, and we may have to wait another twenty-five years for another Dungeons and Dragons movie. But if you're in the mood for a Big Mac, you could do a lot worse. My only wish was that it started in an inn.... Style: 4 (Classy and well done) Substance: 3 (Average)

Dungeons & Dragons - The Movie