The Inside Scoop on Gaming

ORK! The Roleplaying Game is, according the the blurb on the back cover, "64 pages pages of blood-soaked merriment", and it's correct. Even the character sheet is fun to look at! In this RPG, you are an Ork. You are psychotic. You worship a god that sometimes could care less about you. Oh, and if you eat broccoli, you explode.

Now let's break it down and see what ORK! has to offer:

Introduction: This is probably the only Introduction that I read and re-read. It gives us a brief summary of what it's like to be an Ork--in fact, it's in the introduction that we learn the terrible consequence of eating broccoli.

Chapter 1 delves into what it's like to be an Ork. Why are Orks so aggressive? Do Orks live in caves? What is beauty to an Ork? How dumb is an Ork, really? You'll find those answers to these questions and maybe learn some stuff you really didn't want to know!

Chapter 1 also gives us a crash course on how to speak Ork. In five minutes, you too can be talking like an Ork!

Chapter 2 is all about Growing Up Ork! Did you know Orks have no gender to speak of? You're probly asking yourself "Then how do they reproduce?" Well, it's all about the horriffic method called URG!

(trust me, go buy the book, and read for yourself. I won't be posting that spoiler here. It's too graphic for the younger readers. Go on, shoo! Go buy it now!)

Being a young Ork is tough--there's live or die situations every day--and it's certainly tough because they don't have a name. Chapter 2 goes into the details of how to get a name, and the dangers prevailent in the quest. Also found in Chapter 2 are the two types of challenges an Ork can throw down on another Ork--important stuff for every Ork to learn, or you might just kick your butt kicked.

Chapter 3 delves into the magic and religion of the World of Orkness. Orks worship a god named Krom, who created the world and all its races, with the Orks being the last race to appear on the world. It's said that Orks are beloved in Krom's eye--others say Krom just hates them a little less than everyone else. Needless to say, Krom is one god you really don't want to piss off.

Magic in the World of Orkness is powerful stuff--even the Ork Shamans are careful to cast any magic. Seems there was a cataclysm that brought back magic, including a few other surprises that you'll have to read for yourself, once you buy the book. In fact, let's just move on to...

Chapter 4 gives you the 5 steps to making an Ork you can be proud of--or at least an Ork that'll kill squishy men...

Orks have four attributes: Meat (raw physical strength--the better to smash you with!), Bones (how tough an Ork is when getting smashed by a Troll, or another Ork), Twitch (quickness and dexterity), and Mojo (magical power and natural charisma). Orks also have skills which are rated from 1 to 5, and all skills start at 1. Hey, speaking of skills...

Chapter 5 deals with the skills previously mentioned! Coincidence, or conspiracy? In the World of Ork, all die rolls are opposed--meaning the GM rolls a number of dice to generate a target number, and the number of dice is dependent on his or her whim! If the GM (who represents Krom) is nice, he might roll 2D6. If he's pissed at your Ork, does 5D6 sound deadly enough for you?

Chapter 6 deals with Combat, pure and simple. You combat monstrositites (you know who you are) will breeze through this chapter--more opposed rolls for ya, folks!

Chapter 7 is the GM Resources. Lots of stuff on Magic and the PCs, Ork Points and how to use them, advice on how to run an Ork! campaign, and plenty of adventure seeds to round it out.

Chapter 8 contains the Foes of Orkdom--from the Creeping Crud to the fearsome Water Monkeys, there's a lot of foes to toss the PCs way! Watch out for the Squid Heads!

Chapter 9 has a short adventure for your newbie Orks. Can the nameless Orks succeed in their quest or are they doomed to become Troll food?

Finally, the Afterword explains just how Ork! The Roleplaying Game came to be.

But Am Ork! Fun?

Hell, yeah! This is a game for those who want to let loose and kill some squishy men. The mechanics are easy to learn--it's opposed rolls. It doesn't get much better than this--and you'll have an Ork ready within minutes to start bashing your way in the World of Ork.

If there's one complaint, it's the price. For 64 pages, I expect a cheaper price, not $12.95. Still, it's cheap enough for you not to grumble too much. ORK! The Roleplaying Game, written by Todd Miller and Chris Pramas, is about the funniest thing since Stuperpowers! and Teenagers From Outer Space, so take a journey to the world of ORK! Being a monster has never been so much fun.

Style: 5 (Excellent!)
Substance: 5 (Excellent!)

ORK! The Roleplaying Game
Author: Todd Miller and Chris Pramas Category: game Company/Publisher: Green Ronin Publishing Line: ORK! Cost: $12.95 Page count: 64 ISBN: 0-9701048-0-4 Capsule Review by Graveyard Greg on 07/27/00. Genre tags: Fantasy Comedy	ORK! The Roleplaying Game is, according the the blurb on the back cover, "64 pages pages of blood-soaked merriment", and it's correct. Even the character sheet is fun to look at! In this RPG, you are an Ork. You are psychotic. You worship a god that sometimes could care less about you. Oh, and if you eat broccoli, you explode. Now let's break it down and see what ORK! has to offer: Introduction: This is probably the only Introduction that I read and re-read. It gives us a brief summary of what it's like to be an Ork--in fact, it's in the introduction that we learn the terrible consequence of eating broccoli. Chapter 1 delves into what it's like to be an Ork. Why are Orks so aggressive? Do Orks live in caves? What is beauty to an Ork? How dumb is an Ork, really? You'll find those answers to these questions and maybe learn some stuff you really didn't want to know! Chapter 1 also gives us a crash course on how to speak Ork. In five minutes, you too can be talking like an Ork! Chapter 2 is all about Growing Up Ork! Did you know Orks have no gender to speak of? You're probly asking yourself "Then how do they reproduce?" Well, it's all about the horriffic method called URG! (trust me, go buy the book, and read for yourself. I won't be posting that spoiler here. It's too graphic for the younger readers. Go on, shoo! Go buy it now!) Being a young Ork is tough--there's live or die situations every day--and it's certainly tough because they don't have a name. Chapter 2 goes into the details of how to get a name, and the dangers prevailent in the quest. Also found in Chapter 2 are the two types of challenges an Ork can throw down on another Ork--important stuff for every Ork to learn, or you might just kick your butt kicked. Chapter 3 delves into the magic and religion of the World of Orkness. Orks worship a god named Krom, who created the world and all its races, with the Orks being the last race to appear on the world. It's said that Orks are beloved in Krom's eye--others say Krom just hates them a little less than everyone else. Needless to say, Krom is one god you really don't want to piss off. Magic in the World of Orkness is powerful stuff--even the Ork Shamans are careful to cast any magic. Seems there was a cataclysm that brought back magic, including a few other surprises that you'll have to read for yourself, once you buy the book. In fact, let's just move on to... Chapter 4 gives you the 5 steps to making an Ork you can be proud of--or at least an Ork that'll kill squishy men... Orks have four attributes: Meat (raw physical strength--the better to smash you with!), Bones (how tough an Ork is when getting smashed by a Troll, or another Ork), Twitch (quickness and dexterity), and Mojo (magical power and natural charisma). Orks also have skills which are rated from 1 to 5, and all skills start at 1. Hey, speaking of skills... Chapter 5 deals with the skills previously mentioned! Coincidence, or conspiracy? In the World of Ork, all die rolls are opposed--meaning the GM rolls a number of dice to generate a target number, and the number of dice is dependent on his or her whim! If the GM (who represents Krom) is nice, he might roll 2D6. If he's pissed at your Ork, does 5D6 sound deadly enough for you? Chapter 6 deals with Combat, pure and simple. You combat monstrositites (you know who you are) will breeze through this chapter--more opposed rolls for ya, folks! Chapter 7 is the GM Resources. Lots of stuff on Magic and the PCs, Ork Points and how to use them, advice on how to run an Ork! campaign, and plenty of adventure seeds to round it out. Chapter 8 contains the Foes of Orkdom--from the Creeping Crud to the fearsome Water Monkeys, there's a lot of foes to toss the PCs way! Watch out for the Squid Heads! Chapter 9 has a short adventure for your newbie Orks. Can the nameless Orks succeed in their quest or are they doomed to become Troll food? Finally, the Afterword explains just how Ork! The Roleplaying Game came to be. But Am Ork! Fun? Hell, yeah! This is a game for those who want to let loose and kill some squishy men. The mechanics are easy to learn--it's opposed rolls. It doesn't get much better than this--and you'll have an Ork ready within minutes to start bashing your way in the World of Ork. If there's one complaint, it's the price. For 64 pages, I expect a cheaper price, not $12.95. Still, it's cheap enough for you not to grumble too much. ORK! The Roleplaying Game, written by Todd Miller and Chris Pramas, is about the funniest thing since Stuperpowers! and Teenagers From Outer Space, so take a journey to the world of ORK! Being a monster has never been so much fun. Style: 5 (Excellent!) Substance: 5 (Excellent!)