The Inside Scoop on Gaming

You know, every now and then I come across something when I'm bored at work in front of my computer that I just say "Damn, I should try that." I pop through my bookmarks and anxiously wait for someone to respond to me email in a desperate attempt to entertain myself and avoid work.

One of those attempts led me to a somewhat amusing article on the ezine Critical Miss (which I might review on its own some day, I saw it when it first started up a while back and it's gotten much better since then). I read through some amusing cyberware (really amusing, I should say) and then an interesting (if too short and broad) commentary on cyberspace in RPGs but I was left with little to do, so I decided that I might as well read through the rules for the pseudo-board game Nuke the Crap Out of Europe. So I printed out the short rules and the two maps on my company's printer and sat around reading through them for a bit and decided that this is a game that simply had to be run with my group.

So I printed out the game and decided to gather some people together on Friday evening (for some reason, no role-playing games had been planned. I have no real idea why. It's a mystery). The basic premise behind Nuke the Crap Out of Europe is that in the future the USA and China decide to duke it out. Neither really wants to get the black eye, however, so they both decide to nuke a third party, taking turns. Whoever kills the most people, wins! Sick, yeah, but a butt-load of fun.

The rules basically boil down to this: Each player, on their turn, can nuke 1 country. That country gets two fallout markers and every country with a land border to it gets 1 fallout marker. Once a country has 3 fallout markers, it is destroyed and the player who dealt the killing blow gets a number of points equal to its population. The one who butchers the most people, wins. Really rather simple.

It wasn't in the rules, but I thought it would be fun to divide my players up into teams of USA and China, each person acting as an independent general for their side, that allowed for some more strategy. So we pulled out my deck of Snoopy cards and everyone who drew a red card was Chinese and everyone who drew a black card was American. Oddly enough, the only American in the first drawing was my Chinese girlfriend. Funny that. Unfortunately, that didn't work out quite properly the first time we did it (4 Chinese generals vs. the one American general who knew diddly about geography), so I re-arranged the teams slighty, but I also figured out that you can't really do it with an odd number of players, because one side is just more powerful than the other. Oh well.

I acted as the referee, since the countries are not labeled on the player's map (they have to name them from memory, that's where the educational aspect of this game comes in) and another friend kept score.

During the course of play, we found out a few different things. One, the American education system sucks. Two, the game is a hoot if you add humor and commentary to it. Three, women are bloodthirsty.

In the end, China won in our game, killing 537.6 million people compared to America's 176.6 million. Maybe it had something to do with America saying "Kaliningrad? Where's that? Ah screw it, just nuke it, I don't like the name."

This game is great fun, and all of my friends have been clamoring to get me to print out some new maps to use it with, since we marked up our map to hell when we played (Germany had enough fallout markers to destroy it three times over. Damn, what a belt of glowing nuclear destruction we painted across Europe). So if you're sitting around with nothing to do, try messing with Nuke the Crap Out of Europe, it's hella fun.

The game also mentions that it can be used for educational purposes, to demonstrate geography, population density and basic arithmetic. All I have to say is I wish my teachers said "All right class, it's time to go nuke the crap out of Europe. Does everyone remember where Belarus is?"

Style: 4 (Classy and well done)
Substance: 4 (Meaty)

Nuke the Crap Out of Europe
Author: Jonny Nexus, Bubba, General Tangent, Bog Boy! and The Adventurer Formally Known As Chuckie Category: game Company/Publisher: Critical Miss Line: Nuke the Crap Out of Europe Cost: free Page count: about 5 Playtest Review by Derek Guder on 11/01/99. Genre tags: Modern_day Comedy	You know, every now and then I come across something when I'm bored at work in front of my computer that I just say "Damn, I should try that." I pop through my bookmarks and anxiously wait for someone to respond to me email in a desperate attempt to entertain myself and avoid work. One of those attempts led me to a somewhat amusing article on the ezine Critical Miss (which I might review on its own some day, I saw it when it first started up a while back and it's gotten much better since then). I read through some amusing cyberware (really amusing, I should say) and then an interesting (if too short and broad) commentary on cyberspace in RPGs but I was left with little to do, so I decided that I might as well read through the rules for the pseudo-board game Nuke the Crap Out of Europe. So I printed out the short rules and the two maps on my company's printer and sat around reading through them for a bit and decided that this is a game that simply had to be run with my group. So I printed out the game and decided to gather some people together on Friday evening (for some reason, no role-playing games had been planned. I have no real idea why. It's a mystery). The basic premise behind Nuke the Crap Out of Europe is that in the future the USA and China decide to duke it out. Neither really wants to get the black eye, however, so they both decide to nuke a third party, taking turns. Whoever kills the most people, wins! Sick, yeah, but a butt-load of fun. The rules basically boil down to this: Each player, on their turn, can nuke 1 country. That country gets two fallout markers and every country with a land border to it gets 1 fallout marker. Once a country has 3 fallout markers, it is destroyed and the player who dealt the killing blow gets a number of points equal to its population. The one who butchers the most people, wins. Really rather simple. It wasn't in the rules, but I thought it would be fun to divide my players up into teams of USA and China, each person acting as an independent general for their side, that allowed for some more strategy. So we pulled out my deck of Snoopy cards and everyone who drew a red card was Chinese and everyone who drew a black card was American. Oddly enough, the only American in the first drawing was my Chinese girlfriend. Funny that. Unfortunately, that didn't work out quite properly the first time we did it (4 Chinese generals vs. the one American general who knew diddly about geography), so I re-arranged the teams slighty, but I also figured out that you can't really do it with an odd number of players, because one side is just more powerful than the other. Oh well. I acted as the referee, since the countries are not labeled on the player's map (they have to name them from memory, that's where the educational aspect of this game comes in) and another friend kept score. During the course of play, we found out a few different things. One, the American education system sucks. Two, the game is a hoot if you add humor and commentary to it. Three, women are bloodthirsty. In the end, China won in our game, killing 537.6 million people compared to America's 176.6 million. Maybe it had something to do with America saying "Kaliningrad? Where's that? Ah screw it, just nuke it, I don't like the name." This game is great fun, and all of my friends have been clamoring to get me to print out some new maps to use it with, since we marked up our map to hell when we played (Germany had enough fallout markers to destroy it three times over. Damn, what a belt of glowing nuclear destruction we painted across Europe). So if you're sitting around with nothing to do, try messing with Nuke the Crap Out of Europe, it's hella fun. The game also mentions that it can be used for educational purposes, to demonstrate geography, population density and basic arithmetic. All I have to say is I wish my teachers said "All right class, it's time to go nuke the crap out of Europe. Does everyone remember where Belarus is?" Style: 4 (Classy and well done) Substance: 4 (Meaty)