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No Good

Deep Throat: the RPG

by Juhana Pettersson
Sep 13,2002


Deep Throat: the RPG

- Juhana Pettersson

Aedan could not help noticing the way her chest rose and fell with her breaths. ... her posture accentuated her breasts, which threatened to tumble out of her low-cut nightgown. ... "No, stay awhile," she said, reaching out and putting her hand on his arm. Her touch lingered.
- Simon Hawke: The Iron Throne

I wanked to the Art of Dragonlance as a kid. I mean, just look at the legs on all the women in the old Elmore covers for the Chronicles. That was heady stuff for a twelve-year old kid. This has probably mutated my sexuality beyond repair, but I don't think I'm alone. Growing older, I have started to suspect I was a victim of conscious marketing choices.

Nothing sells like sex, and that's why the AD&D novels were full of sexual allusions and softcore scenes. I still remember vividly Ed Greenwood's Seven Sisters, one of whom was in the habit of practising swordplay naked. All sweaty and worked up. Not uncomfortable at all even if strangers came by. Strangers like...

Elminster got the best chicks, the Simbul and some drow babe if I remember correctly. The Birthright book Iron Throne by Simon Hawke had a rather explicit scene in which the evil and promiscuous princess fucks the Gorgon and loves it, despite having to resort to regeneration afterwards. I might also bring up Greenwood's Volo's Guide series with its endless descriptions of festhalls, more generally known as brothels. "Unlike in some other realms, in Waterdeep there's nothing embarrassing about going to a festhall," Volo's Guide to Waterdeep, page 35. Indeed.

Considering all this, isn't it weird there are no pornographic roleplaying games? Take a moment to think just how curious this is.

There are porn movies, porn novels, porn poetry, porn music, porn performance art, porn theatre. But no porn games. The market is obviously there, as evidenced by the multitude of porn comics put forth by Eros and others and marketed to the same audience as rpgs, and by the huge amount of rpg-related amateur erotica on the net.

Game companies, take note!

Despite the lack of published support, people have been playing porn, probably almost as long as the hobby has existed. Amateur efforts in publishing material for this have ranged from erotic fanfic to rules expansions, the most famous among them the Guide to Carnal Knowledge. (I don't recommend using rules for sex, though. I imagine it wouldn't do much good for the mood, except among the most hardcore. "Oh God! I got a critical on my orgasm roll! I think I'm cumming! Ahhhhhhhhh...")

Play Real Hardcore: How to Play Porn

I'll define a pornographic roleplaying game as a game in which the actual content of the play is pornographic. This means that, for example, a published game illustrated with hard core porn about big men with big guns would not be a porn game (despite the phallic subtext). On the other hand, a game in which the characters are vampires who don't drink blood but instead sperm or vaginal juices and the players are encouraged to play the feeding scenes in detail would probably be a porn game. The most important thing about playing porn rpgs is to remember to keep the style pornographic as a whole. The initiation rite to a druidic order would then obviously be an orgy and nothing would be as natural as a good solid fuck among friends.

The purpose of all porn is to make the audience horny. Makes the ladies wet and the gents hard. All porn that fails to do this is bad porn. Porn films may be watched solitarily as masturbation fodder or with company as a prelude to sex. Except in the case of one-on-one games, it would seem that porn gaming would result either in an orgy or everybody wanking. Remember, though, that the purpose of porn games may also be to create fantasies for future use.

I have yet to think up a way to make pornographic live action games. Were the game contain actual fucking, wouldn't that make it an orgy and not porn? I have no answers.

Porn generally works better if it's to the taste of the audience. This means that if I'm a straight vanilla guy, I probably shouldn't jump straight to playing homosexual group watersports, although I suppose that porn rpgs might well be a good tool for widening one's horizons. On the other hand, most gay fanfiction is written by middle-aged women and most lesbian porn films are made for straight guys, so it's not as obvious as it seems.

The GM is generally required to show greater flexibility, and while her own pornographic enjoyment may suffer, one would think the arousal she has created in her players more than compensates. The joy of job well done and all that. The mood is very important in porn, and I caution against having a lot of non- pornographic content. Take your cue from porn films, don't make stuff that would be just fast-forwarded anyway. For the advanced pornographer, it might also be worth considering the language and presentation of the game. Simple things matter. Play erotic music in the background. Keep your language full of sexual images. Don't say: "She looks surprised and indignant at the same time." Say: "She looks as if you'd suggested impromptu fisting."

Scenario Examples: Ramming Through the Castle Gates

Here are a couple of scenario examples for pornographic games set in various genres. It should be kept in mind that with porn, the scenario may be very simple. Example:


The players play men and women auditing for a porn movie. Possible NPCs would then be the porn film company execs, a director, established porn stars and so on. Naturally such an audition would include a lot of fucking, which may then be graphically played.

The sequel might be on the set of the film, with our heroes unable to keep from each other even between scenes.

Parodies and porn versions of popular movies, fairy tales and stories have long been a staple of the porn film industry, perhaps because when the story and the characters are already familiar to the audience, they don't need to be explained and more time may be allotted to sex. Examples:

Lord of the Rings

The potential for gay sex in LotR is staggering. Every female character in the movie is a frigid ghost, and in this at least the movie is faithful to the original works. Everybody already knows the characters and the story, so that doesn't require much attention. Instead we could play out the steamy, passionate, forbidden love scenes of Aragorn and Boromir, explicate what was already implicated in the highly phallic wizards' duel between Saruman and Gandalf and focus on the beautiful romance between Sam and Frodo, with Gollum as the third wheel.

Buffy: the Vampire Slayer

TV-series in general are great for conversion into porn games since they usually have a game-group sized cast and the series has some inbuilt explanation for them to be hanging together. Buffy is full of sexy girls and handsome men, so this should be obvious. I play Giles, you play Buffy, the rest are Faith and Xander ("Me and Faith share a special relationship.") and the GM can mix the bag a little by bringing in Angel and Spike, who have finally found each other but need a final fuck with their old flames. Taking my cue from various fanfics published on the net, I suppose in Spike's case that might well be Xander instead of Buffy. Furry porn with Oz and Willow. BDSM with Xander and Anya. Illicit trysts with Dawn and Spike. The possibilities are endless.

The Dragonlance Chronicles

Published as a campaign adventure, the Dragonlance Chronicles are a perfect framework for a pornographic game. Everybody's read the books, and now we can finally get to the bottom of the relationship between Tanis and Laurana, Flint and Tasslehoff and the threesome Caramon, Tika and Raistlin. Lots of lonely nights on the campaign trail for the Golden General. Goldmoon and some sexual healing. Laurana using her feminine wiles to keep her troops in line.

Almost every published game may be readily converted to a vehicle for porn gaming. In these cases it is usually wise to drop the rules and keep the game setting more as a structure, window dressing and an excuse. Examples:

Vampire: the Masquerade

The feeding and blood drinking in Vampire is an obvious, and indeed at times explicated sex metaphor. But why stick to soulless metaphors? Undead predators, eternally searching for love and passion in the hive of sin that is the modern metropolis. Ventrue and their endless games of dominance and submission. Sabbat and their communal orgies of violent sex. Tzimisce, finding new ways to love and make love. Perhaps a crossover from Werewolf that entails Fomori tentacle porn.

Dungeons & Dragons

Taking a cue from Barbarella, one could have elves completely unaware of the potential in their bodies for sexual gratification, on a journey of self- discovery in the lands of humans. Perhaps our heroes are priests of Sune, the goddess of love and beauty, out to beat the minions of Sharess, the goddess of lust at their own game. Does the eternal bickering of the dwarves and the elves in fact conceal a deeper passion? For some real hardcore fantasy fucking, we have orcs and trolls, gnolls and dragons.

The Call of Cthulhu

All those years we believed that the Great Old Ones wanted to rule the Earth, while in fact they just wanted to ravish its women! Cthulhu is the promised land of hentai-style action, not for the faint of heart. Of course, these themes may be developed further. For example, we could have a chronicle built around the quest of one man to prove himself a better lover than all the monstrosities of the netherworld.

I have decided to make this column more interactive. In that spirit, ff you have experiences with pornographic roleplaying, tell me about it. Mail me at juhana.pettersson@NOSPAMhelsinki.fi, and perhaps you shall have the questionable honor of being featured in a future column. Come on. Tell me everything.

Guide to Carnal Knowledge: http://www.iusb.edu/~jsante/netbooks/7/ Complete_Guide_to_Unlawful_Carnal_Knowledge.htm

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