8:29 AM EST: one of my dogs is scratching at my door. She wants to go out so I get up pull on some sweatpants and take her and her brother out. It's a crisp September morning and it wakes me with a start. The air smells sweet and fresh after last nights rain. I get in thirty minutes later after a good long walk and make my self a quick breakfast. Nobody else is at home so I sit down to eat and turn on the TV to watch Regis and Kelly to see if they have anyone interesting on. The TV comes on and that's when the world goes all to hell...
Like most everyone else I spent the better part of the eleventh watching events unfold in New York and Washington DC. During the day I wept, I screamed, and I laughed when there was nothing else to do. I went almost immediately to the online forums that I frequent and there I saw people coming together to aid and support one another and I saw reactionaries screaming for blood and vengeance. It was a day to see the best and worst in people.
And then it hit me around 8:00 PM. Would I be gaming this week? I called my GM and asked her. She was a little shook up about everything as well and she didn't know what we would be doing. We decided to see where things stood after a day and see if we were in the mood to do anything. We weren't. So here I sit typing this trying to make sense of it all. Trying to forge some kind of order out of the chaos. Trying to understand why I suddenly don't feel like gaming.
I guess in my case it's because it doesn't seem quite as important right now. The world seems so much bigger and the things I enjoy seem so much smaller. Why should I be enjoying myself when so many who deserve as much as I do are forever denied the things I once took for granted.
I've noticed a sudden drop in my ability to deal with people. I really wanted to smack my brother when he started to question the validity of stories of heroism.
For other people whose campaigns may include elements similar to the events of Tuesday there is probably a feeling of discomfort. It's hard to trivialize something that has so brutally been brought into our lives. When we play victims are just numbers and NPCs. Now they are people who had lives and families. Their faces have become to clear and too real. And they stop being anonymous and become us.
But in the end I guess the most important reason why so many others and I find it hard to do what we love so much is that we are in shock. We are numb from the neck up. Our minds are trying to wrap themselves around the horror of the situation. We are just to tired to spare the imagination to game. We need it just to keep ourselves going through the day.
But as it has been said before, "Tomorrow is another day." And we will survive. We will game again. We will laugh again. And, we will dream again.
This is dedicated to all of the victims of the terrorist attacks on the United States of America on Tuesday September 11, 2001 to the heroic sacrifices of the firefighters, police and, emergency workers in New York, and finally, to the passengers of United flight 93.