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Hack For More

WEEK 27: 10/12/04

by Edward McEneely
Oct 26,2004

 

Hack For More

WEEK 27: 10/12/04

Sorry about them thar technical difficulties. I'm back on track now, though. If I don't write these things, I'm forcing myself to watch an episode from the fifth season of Babylon 5, and that, my friends, is a fate worse than death.

At any rate, the group met up to finish clearing out the first (ground floor) level of the dungeon, and in doing so, they managed to meet up with a big part of my oh-so-clever (hah!) "plot", as we like to call it.

Moving forward in the dungeon, the party stormed into the main dining hall and found themselves staring at another war part of lizardmen, dining on a few orcish corpses. Erich decided that arson was the better part of valor and unleashed the awesome power of his Wand of Mass Destruction once again, charring the hapless reptiles.

The banging, clanging, and the gentle sound of ten of their comrades exploding like so many microwaveable pizza pockets somehow summoned more lizardmen, who were the unwilling beneficiaries of Erich's fireball-hurling largesse. Unfortunately for Erich, Laura, and Seth (who's now considering adding an exclamation point to the end of his name, for that extra sparkle), the lizardmen are only as dumb as I want them to be, and they began to appear in large numbers, causing the PCs to barricade themselves within the Great Hall.

Here's where my genius(?) really starts to enter the picture.

From behind the doors, the players could hear a steady sort of scraping noise, as if something heavy were being moved into position.

Then, they could hear a sort of hissing noise, like a fuze was being lit.

At this point, various suggestions were broached. Was it a tough crowd? A giant adder? A UN helicopter? A chunky jogger? A Hoothi gas dirigible (twenty points for knowing that reference)?

Actually, it was a primitive cannon.

A few seconds after the PCs finished dodging splinters of wood, and choking on the thick dust kicked up by the blast, the lizardmen who had survived their cannon bursting charged in.

It was decided by whatever method that PCs use decide these things that their interests would best be served by playing dead on the ground and hiding in the obfuscating dust. Needless to say, a lizardman stumbled upon them and quickly skewered Erich, who in return gutted him. Battle was joined with alacrity by the rest of the PCs, and the remaining lizardmen on the level were quickly dispatched.

Now, the players had to prepare to investigate the lower level.

DA DA DA DUMMMMMMM!

Hey That Byron Guy Pisses Me The Hell Off:

Erich: He's so pirate, it hurts.

Laura: A vole-in-one!

Erich: No trail of gunpowder leading to a convenient barrel? What the hell kind of dungeon is this?

Ed: After all, you can't spell "the" without Mr. T and heroin.

Erich (infuriated): Six lizardmen? That's more than a couple!
Ed: It's a couple couple!

Seth: Like a big fucking rotini of doom?
Ed: Wotidi!
Laura: The Jawas attack?

Ed: Aaaaaand...he fumbles! Cuts his own arm off, kills his own self.
Erich: Ahhh, man! He gets the experience!

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What do you think?

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