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Hack For More

WEEK 17: 07/08/04

by Edward McEneely
Jul 13,2004


Hack For More

WEEK 17: 07/08/04

Well, my run of amusing bad fortune continues: yesterday, I fell asleep on the train and awoke just in time to realize that it was at my stop. Being a man of action, I catapluted myself towards the stairs down to the vestibule (I was sitting in the upper tier of seats, obviously) only to discover my legs had gone quite soundly to sleep. I toppled down the stairs and rolled out of the train like a sack of potatoes, swearing all the while. What a sight I must have been to the placid Kenosha-bound commuters! Oh, the stories they'll tell.

At any rate, I dragged my battered old self to gaming tonight, and along with Erich, Seth, and our automobiles, had my mug shot taken for the upcoming super-amazing contest sponsored solely by Hack For More. Yee-ha. Expect something on that to appear soon. Please participate. Otherwise, we will feel stupid and die. We also took a good look at the Synnibar rulesbook, and it is a thing of mighty, soul-destroying badness. (The "About The Author" section alone deserves an Origins Award for best gaming-fiction of all-time, coming out just ahead of the rumor that 7th Sea was a good game.)

It had been a long day for me; I'd gone to work at 7:45 (an hour and fifteen minutes early) so that I could leave twenty minutes early and get to gaming at a reasonable time. It's a two-hour commute for me, so I was up fairly early. To cover for this, I overmedicated myself with caffeine and passed up Erich's offer of a bizarre alcoholic beverage he'd concocted, as I was driving home. (Also, as you may have guessed, with a name like McEneely, alcoholism lurks near the surface of the family gene pool. Incidentally, disinterested readers, that first "E" in my last name is silent. Just so you know.)

At any rate, I'd worked up a fairly mighty caffeine buzz by the time we got around to actually gaming. So perhaps that explains the direction the campaign is taking.

Seth, Erich, and Laura limped back to town and tried to get Seth's critical hit healed up. The local clerics agreed, buuuuuut...they wanted Seth to go on a quest to retrieve a sacred brown robe from a plane populated solely by superintelligent apes. Yes, you read that right.

Around that point, the conversation degenerated into an appraisal of Loviatar's (1st Edition Deities & Demigods p. 55) physical attributes, which in all fairness, were brought up by Laura. Girl Power! It was discovered that although the Hackmaster version wears a halter top where the old TSR drawing wore the open air and was the terminus for the stares of solitary gamers, the later drawing retains the terrifying Farrah Fawcett feathered hair.

Don't let this happen to you. I mention it only out of service to the truth, and possibly for cheap laughs. Personally, the best thing about the old Deities & Demigods book is that it has stats for, and this is a direct quote, "Yama's Water Buffalo". This needs to be a band name, and I think we can all agree on that.

At any rate, the PCs and their vast menagerie (sans peacock) all crowded into the Plane Capsule and hurtled across time and space and into The Plane Of The Apes. (Duhn duhn duhn duhnnnnnn...)

Everything had taken a lot longer than it might seem from the description, mostly because I kept getting off-topic, and so the session was already starting to wind down at this point, much to the chagrin of the players, who were understandably less than pleased with the lack of actual gaming going on.

But hey, I'm the GM. And I was pretty freaking tired. And besides! Two columns about gaming in a row! Hot damn!

Please Participate In The Upcoming Contest Or The Quote List Will Kill A Baby Seal:

Ed (As Sean Connery in The Rock): Fortunately, I've multi-classed in both D20 Modern and D&D3.

Erich: I never wanted to be Prom King...I always wanted to be the Prom Dauphin.

Seth (Needs mad cash) : Rob somebody? How downright...true neutral of me.

Ed: Arrgh! My donkey-destroying plans are foiled again!

Seth: Alyssa Milano + halter top - pants + tentacles =... Erich: I need to be alone right now.

Ed: Any one of us could have been Raven c.s. McCracken [creator of Synnibar]...
Laura: I don't have the moustache for it.
Erich: Most women can muster up a better wispy moustache than Raven c.s. McCracken.

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What do you think?

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