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Hack For More

WEEK 33: 11/23/04

by Edward McEneely
Dec 07,2004

 

Hack For More

WEEK 33: 11/23/04

This week, the cast and crew had a celebrity guest star, in the form of Philip "Please Don't Call Me Pip" Stanton, one of the first people I ever gamed with and a (paid!) columnist for starcitygames.com; I'm going to ignore the fact that he writes about Magic: The Gathering on account of our long friendship.

Philip was one of the first people I ever gamed with, and back when I had no friends, he was the victim of all of my poorly thought-out Rifts, Star Wars, and Call of Cthulhu games. Philip has probably lost more characters than any other player who has had the misfortune to game with me. Poor Philip suffered through all of this in silence.

Actually, come to think of it, it's a wonder he didn't discover TCGs earlier.

Anyway, he guested as Brother Geoff, a fourth-level Luvian Cleric who was journeying to his new post as librarian at a monastary, conveniently on the way to Fangaerie proper. I figured it would make for a nice little side adventure while still advancing the plot. (I've been watching Babylon 5 season one on DVD, and they do a lot of that. Very woodenly, granted, but they do it nonetheless.)

Unfortunately, in my clever mapping out of the monastary, now turned into a command post by Orc-Elf forces, I failed to reckon with the party's new mapper: Seth. Seth is a man with many gifts and talents, with several degrees, with a good job, a happy marriage, and a nice home. He is not, however, a man to trust with pencil and graph paper, because he kept asking me all these damn questions. I'm a little fuzzy on cardinal directions. Maybe my brain is non-iconographic (which explains where I get all my extra character points in GURPS), or maybe I'm just pretty dumb, but the player should figure it all out on their own. When Erich did it, I didn't even have to give him distances (one eye=no depth perception=bad choice for a mapper).

Doubly bad, Seth led the players in a righterly direction, rather than to the left, and while the map made perfect sense left-to-right, the reverse was not the case.

The players managed a few skirmishes with goblins, completely missed my Orgs waiting in ambush, and blundered into the boss battle just as Erich became exceptionally sleepy and we all had to go home. Which means...

TO BE CONTINUED...

Puns Are Not A Good Thing:

Ed: It's a Luvian Monastery.
Laura: Do they make blinds there?

Laura: I'm going to name my pony Ed.
Ed: Sel?
Erich: Ivan.
Seth: Ed Sullivan?

Ed: If you guys die this time, it's just because I killed ya'll.

Erich [ala Kindergarten Cop]: It's not a humor.
Ed: Please don't write that down.

Seth [is mapping]: Can you tell me the proper orientation of my paper? Are we on the narrow end or the wide end?

Ed [giving map measurements to Seth]: I used two squares. Do you want me to give you all measurements in squares, Seth? Because I'm not gonna.

Laura: Are you still detecting evil?
Ed: There are a few goblins dragging dead monks away.
Erich: There's some!

Erich: Who designed this temple?
Ed: I did, and it makes perfect sense if you only take left turns.

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What do you think?

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