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Hack For More

WEEK 13: 05/20/04

by Edward McEneely
Jun 01,2004


Hack For More

WEEK 13: 05/20/04

We managed to assemble on-time and on Thursday for once, and (surprise!) proceeded to have a thoroughly enjoyable session.

Wow. That sounds so good, I'm tempted to leave it at that. But then would fire me.

The group started at where we left off last week, trying to figure out a way to transport three hundred-and-thirty pound eggs the fifteen or twenty miles back to town. Now, I work in the transportation industry in what passes for my professional life, so this sort of obnoxious problem (albeit usually presented in a thick southern accent) plagues me during my non-spare time. It was nice to leave the problem for others to solve.

Of course, it's typically annoying when a GM focuses a game on anything approximating his or her area of specialty; experts (or very involved dilettantes) tend to have firmly held views on things. (I would never, for example, even attempt to run a game set during the Battle of Britain.) Fortunately, in an effort to preserve my sanity, I've learned next to nothing about my job, and so fun was had by all as the players came up with suitably improbable egg-transportation schemes, involving, in no particular order, donkeys, sticks, pendulums, etc.

Eventually a scheme was reached wherein four of the eggs would be taken back to the town, and the other two would be disposed of. Seth, caught up in the moment, threw one of the eggs off of the ziggurat's roof, smashing it on the countryside and revealing a half-formed killwi embryo that twitched and then expired.

The kangaroos became restless. An angry mob surrounded Seth while the other players retreated to a safe distance. Seth contemplated slaughtering the bouncing bipeds, but to his credit, decided instead to force them to safe vs. apology, taking in the process a Dhandful of damage before he wandered off, suitably chastened. The other spare egg was converted into a healing omelet once out of sight of the tribespeople, quickly curing the lad.

In the meantime, Erich used his Speak With Animals spell to communicate with his newfound followers, who turned out to all be named Bruce and who spoke with suspiciously stereotypical accents. The first of no doubt many attempts to convert them to Luvianism began and ended within two minutes (the duration of the spell).

Of course, the effort expended to bring the eggs back to the town mainly had to do with the fixed conviction that there would be profit in doing so, as Killwi eggs have a book value of 300-400 gp to gourmands; of course, the likelihood of any gourmands living in a small podunk one-dungeon town were pretty slim, so the PCs tried to figure out alternative sources of income. The first suggestion---that the local temple might be interested in splitting the proceeds of a bake sale---quickly fell by the wayside when it was discovered that the Nudorian faith involved flagellation: fun to watch, perhaps, but difficult to come to a business arrangement with. Various crazy schemes were entered into: Seth traded an egg for a puppy, a badger, and one of those fancy hamsters with the freakishly large reproductive organs (the dangers of a failed Wisdom roll cannot be overestimated); Erich traded one egg for store credit and one egg for forty-five gp; and Laura set Seth up for a monstrous egg-dropping prank in front of the whole town.

Seth and Erich weren't quite sure what to expect when he was called out to the center of the town square, but they figured it out soon enough, Seth just in time to take a six-point hit to his temporary honor from a shower of egg yolk, Erich in time to slink away before taking a hit to his honor for watching. (Why did some eggs have fully-formed embryos and some have yolk? Ask better questions!)

Seth wasn't leaving things like this, though. Oh, no. Seth understands the importance of revenge, and so he proceeded to abduct the local shyster who had helped Laura set the whole thing up, trussed him up like a turkey, and spattered him with egg, thus regaining his honor and then some.

We wrapped the session up and said our goodbyes at this point, having suitably resolved things and prepared for the next trip to the dungeon.

All in all, these are the sessions that I feel proudest of. Whenever I can get the PCs through a whole session without any tangible gain in EP or treasure, with minimal combat, and when everyone has a good time, I feel like I'm doing about as well as can be expected of me. Sadly, it doesn't make for interesting reading, but everything has its tradeoffs.

Hey Haven't The PCs Managed To Get A Rather Large Menagerie:

Erich: I don't know...what will we do with all of the eggs?
Ed: Make crude pants?

Laura: When your comrade is wounded, what do you do?
Erich: Kill him!
Ed: Roll him around with a stick!

Seth: Hey, you know Tensor's Floating Disk?

Erich (reading the Hackmaster Player's Manual): "It's obviously moronic to think it takes sixty seconds to stab someone with a sword."
Seth: We're obviously morons.

Seth: I cannot yet afford a killer whale...

Seth (realizes he may be in a world of Kangaroo hurt, and decides to communicate): What kind of food do I have? Do I have sausage? weep grana, weep ninni ba.

Seth (discussing Jewish Drow): Did you hear about Sheila's eldest? He became a Drider.

Ed (searching for blasphemy in a world he never made): Sweet...random Gawd!

Erich (addressing the townsfolk): People of Not-Badger Falls!

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What do you think?

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