Every gamer has heard bad role-playing stories. Such
tales cause friends to despise each other, significant
others to grow distant and even repulse fellow
role-players. It puts a lot of stress on a
relationship when one person doesn't care about the
other's interests, like the time they fought the
zombies with the 30-foot extendible tongues.
A lot of role-players retell their adventures in ways
relevant only to the people they play with. Old
timers begin to fear strangers in their hobby, lest
they be subjected to The Life and Times of Bob the
Paladin and His Charisma of 17: Volume 1, Levels 1-6.
Many experienced role-players quit in frustration, the
lamers stay and the normals never want to get involved
with something so lame. Before long the industry will
collapse from lack of support and there will never be
a Monstrous Arcana supplement for Giant Space
Hamsters.
In order to sustain personal lives and make the market
grow, gamers must learn how to tell their stories and
make people care. There are those who would go so far
to argue that a new class of gamer must be created to
accomplish this goal. As The Dungeon Master's Guide
advises, you should never create a new class when its
abilities are already covered by another. A new kit
should suffice.
Bard kit, The social gamer
- Description:
-
The social gamer is a bard who
specializes in relating stories created during her
role-playing sessions. She can communicate these
stories in an involving manner. Unlike the fighter
kit of the same name, the bard can tell tales beyond
what die rolls she made.
- Role:
-
These bards protect a method of storytelling
that comes from disputed origins and suffers from
public contempt. Their goal is to keep this unique
entertainment alive and attract the participation of
those presently unaware of its benefits. They're also
in it for the cool dice and the women dressed in
outfits suitable for Clyde Caldwell paintings.
- Weapon Proficiencies:
-
Gamers may use any weapons but
are commonly found carrying replicas unsuited for
combat.
- Non-Weapon Proficiencies:
-
Any.
- Equipment:
-
A backpack full of battered books,
pencils, and sparkly dice are required. The books may
be of 1st or 2nd era, depending on the bard's taste.
- Distinctive Appearance:
- Do not write in this space.
- Special Benefits:
-
The social gamer begins with the
ability to sense lame, which is always active. Upon
receiving a danger signal, most gamers make a point to
escape the story before it gets any further. This is
even effective against stories she is currently
involved in. ("Get me out of this module! The boxed
text is terrible!")
-
At 3rd level, the bard has enough experience points to
have something to say. She can now communicate a
story concept, relating events with as few specifics
as possible. ("Our guys let loose a Dark Lord from
his horribly forced ironic punishment.") After
gaining a listener's interest, the bard may find
herself permitted to expand upon her tale.
- 5th level grants the bard the skill to sense who
cares.
-
A 6th level bard has advanced sufficiently in her
storytelling mastery that she can vividly describe an
event from a story she has participated in. She may
do so without pausing and going back. ("While Kire
kept the goblins at bay, Jan went to work on the
derelict Evil Jammer. The vessel was powered on pure
evil and she knew there would only be one way to
destroy it. Heroically, she pushed the paladin into
its warp core.")
- Upon reaching 9th level, the social gamer may utter
the phrase "Let me tell you about my character,"
without inciting a disorderly retreat through the
conveniently located exits at the front and rear of
the theater. The bard's descriptions of her
characters actually draws interest. ("Mortle Trumpy
is a tortle, a gentle humanoid tortoise from a defunct
fantasy land. A follower of the great Gammera, he is
friend to all children, except for the evil ones.
Those he roasts with the righteous flame breath that
is a gift of his patron deity.") By this point she
could make a Dangerous Journeys adventure sound
appealing.
-
At 10th level members of this kit begin to attract
groupies. The DM should roll on the followers chart
every once in awhile and implement the results as the
story sees fit.
| 01% | Undercover reporter |
| 02-5% | Wargamer |
| 6-25% | Lamer |
| 26-60% | Gamer |
| 61-65% | Small woodland creature |
| 66-75% | Normal |
| 76-85% | Gamer's girlfriend |
| 86-90% | Gamer's boyfriend |
| 91-93% | Invisible friend |
| 94-96% | Satanist conspirator |
| 97% | The 11 year old next door who plays RIFTS |
| 98%- | 00% DM's choice |
-
Though they don't automatically establish a castle or
reliable fortress of any means, role-playing bards who
go beyond 12th level are often given sanctuary in
educational facilities and libraries. They may also
become game designers. Those who don't know any
better consider this a reward.
-
Restrictions:
-
Social gamers are prohibited from
implementing any of the following storytelling
techniques in a narrative. Violation of these bans in
the presence of other bards will result in ostracism
from the hobby. Outlaw bards may redeem themselves by
taking responsibility for the pizza bill for one year.
Game Terms - These enlightened minstrels realize that
the terminology of a game system has no place inside a
story. Listeners react to game classifications like
Armor Class, alignment, and THAC0 in the same way that
characters in a game do, with the fight or flight
reflex.
Me or I - When relating stories, a role-player often
toggles between describing his character by its name
and his own. This is confusing to the audience,
especially those unfamiliar with the role-playing
experience. "Bill? You were wearing a chain mail
bikini?"
Die rolls - A bard of this kit should describe actions
in appropriate detail, not the mechanics behind them.
"Mike's character was splattered up against the wall
from the blast of a plasma rifle" is preferred to "He
was hit for 9 health levels of aggravated damage and
he couldn't roll enough successes to soak it." (This
colorful example is brought to you by a special guest
system.)
Stats - There's no way to tell the "My Character Has
Three Slots in Etiquette" parable that hasn't been
told before. Read your back issues if you don't
believe me.
The closest that can be seen to an awareness of
natural selection in the role-playing community is
that guys know they should play Vampire if they want
to meet chicks. Playing a social gamer may not be for
everyone, but there's something to be said for
cultural adaptation.
Story is the most important aspect of a successful
role-playing game. Without a story your characters
are cheese makers. Well told stories are just as
important outside the game. They bring people into
the hobby and keep them there.
If that doesn't work, gamers can buy their friends
some nifty dice. Those things are really hard to put
down.
Greg Chaltham
character@rpg.net
