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Dungeon Mastering By Dummies

Fourth Session: Right Guard

by NotMousse
Nov 24,2004


Fourth Session: Right Guard

Tired from battle the group makes camp for the night. As day breaks (*crash*) the group decides to continue down the cave, discovering a small branching tunnel to their left. Ted immediately walks down the corridor, building a small fire for the newborn dragon he's found.

It was fully my intention to scare Jaj's player witless by showing him a baby dragon. Let's see if it worked.

After calling for his companions Ted dubs the tiny dragon Sparky. Thomas decides to wait by the side cave once he's spotted the distinctly dragon tail shaped shadow on the far wall. Hikaru and Jaj proceed, figuring that Ted must be all right if he's simply calling for them instead of screaming.

Once upon the inept bard the two freak slightly at the sight before them, Ted merrily feeding Sparky some hay by the fire. After a quick retreat the trio find Thomas at the main cave, and so does Sparky. Jaj attempts to parlay with the baby dragon, which insists that Ted is it's mother. Ted then walks off one way, leaving the rest to ponder their situation. Sparky retreats to the safety of it's den after hearing some squealing sounds. Hikaru notices Sparky run off down the cave.

Okay, so it didn't work exactly. But I get enough rest that night and was fighting off sleep.

Noticing Hikaru notice Sparky Jaj decides to sense her motives, getting the impression that she does not like him, though his id bludgeons this thought into a creamy paste well before it could fully form. Thomas senses that Hikaru does not like Jaj while Hikaru senses that they know she doesn't like Jaj. Ted on the other hand senses that Jaj and Hikaru might be falling for one another. With that undecided, the troupe head deeper into the cavern, hearing some disturbing squeals.

Yes, everyone decided to look into the other's head, with mixed results. Perhaps the single most confusing moment up to that point.

Almost immediately after this session ended I quickly wrote 'the ballad of Jaj and Hikaru' for Ted to sing in the next town the group found themselves. Then I remembered my players' feelings. So I redoubled my efforts to make it horrible. Sadly, I've yet to get the chance to unveil it for them.

Hikaru and Jaj's femme fatale owl friend decide to check it out. Hikaru sees a horde of goblins at lunch, which causes her to flee in terror. To a goblin anything that flees might as well be food, so they chase her and eventually the whole group back the way they came.

Jaj made a point of his owl being female. I was obligated by all that is mean and funny to harp on this fact. Suggestions of unnatural relationships, yiffy behavior, and the like were made often.

On a completely unrelated and random note, it strikes me as odd that the weaker enemies tend to be humanoid in appearance, and the strange looking things are so much more powerful. Granted monsters are generally grotesque things with gaping maws filled with needly teeth and likely tentacles, but if our humanoid heroes can kick the crap out of them, why aren't there more powerful humanoid 'monsters'?

Suddenly a stream of acid sprays from the side of the cave, pushing Jaj by the river and eating away at most of the flesh on his backside. Hikaru artfully dodges the entire spray with a somersault tuck roll while Thomas leaps over most of the spray leaving minor acid burns to his shins and feet. The goblins however were not so lucky as a rather large number of grimy goblins ran through the stream and an impressive mass of bones exited the acidic shower, piling up in a jumbled mass.

As GM I have pleasures and duties. I take pleasure in doling out psychological damage to my players. It is my duty to come up with situations that fit the characters. I can't quite tell if Jaj's near nudity was the former or the later.

Nearly down, Jaj reprimands Sparky, who is too busy being scritched by Ted to notice. Thomas heals Jaj, smirking as the sorcerer discovers his robes have turned backless.

On this note I was reprimanded by my players for giving the mental image of a nekkid Jaj, and we broke for the night. I humbly apologize if any of you were traumatized by visions of the bumbler.

End session.

Bonus Section!

This is the first prestige class I've cobbled together. This is also the first joke class I've made, and I'm sure it shows.

The name was an unintentional joke which ended up influencing many of the abilities, including the verminous mount, one option of which being the dioder ant.

If anyone can show proof that they role played the Right Guard seriously I'd be very impressed, and likely give you a cookie, assuming you ever happened across my home.

Right Guard (Neutral Paladins)
While there are crusaders for truth, justice, and the nice guy way, and they are opposed by villainous scum promoting the opposite, this prestige class remains eternally unconcerned. Those somewhat average men (women, goats, whatever) who wage a two pronged war on the boring forces of Good and Evil.

Table 1: The Right Guard
LevelBAB FortRefWillSpecial
1+1200Undetectable Odor, Abstinence
2+2300Strange Luck
3+3311Turn and Rebuke Undead
4+4411Remove Odor
5+5411Verminous Mount
6+6522Detect Any
7+7522Smite Any
8+8622Cure Light Meats
9+9633Lay on Back
10+10733Magic Circle against Any

Hit Die: d10

Alignment must be either Neutral or Chaotic Neutral.
BAB: +6
Feats: Cleave, Sunder.
Special: Must have contacted a Neutral Outsider to acquire true indifference.

Class Skills
The Right Guard's Class skills (and key ability for each skill) are Concentration (Con), Craft (Int), Intimidate (Cha), Handle Animal (Cha), Heal (Wis), Knowledge (Religion) (Int), and Ride (Dex) skill points 2 +Int per level

Class Features
weapon and armor proficiency: Right Guard can use all simple and martial weapons, with all armor and shields.

Undetectable Odor: Right Guards are naturally unscented and cannot be identified by the sense of smell (this defeats anyone using the scent feat to track them automatically).

Strange Luck: These guys have an addition to their saving throws equal to their Charisma modifier, but no one is quite sure why.

Turn and Rebuke Undead: The Right Guard can turn (and destroy) or rebuke (and command) as a cleric three levels lower than his Right Guard level. He may freely choose to use either ability as the need arises. This stacks with any previous Turn ability, which can now also be changed at whim.

This is the entire reason I originally came up with the concept. I was tired of the only characters with 'divine power' being either really really good or very very bad. So I made the Right Guard extremely uncommitted to either side of the coin, just sure that they didn't like being lawful. I have a strange feeling Daffy Duck would be a Right Guard.

Remove Odor: Once per level per day the Right Guard may cleanse one creature of odor for 8 hours +1 hour per level.

They're called the Right Guard, I was forced to!

Verminous Mount: Right Guards of 5th level may acquire an insectoid mount.

Detect Any: Cast detect law, evil, honor, etc... at will.

Smite Any: Once per every two levels per day you may add your Cha mod to attack and level to damage on any attack.

Cure Light Meats: Including skinless poultry, various foul, and most fish. Cured meat resists decay and makes for extraordinary trail food (Hmm boy jerky!).

Lay On Back: Once per day the Right Guard may heal himself a number of hit points equal to his level times his Charisma modifier.

Power nap!

Magic Circle Against Any: Able to cast magic circle against law, evil, honor, etc... at will. Only one such spell like effect may be sustained at any time.

Fallen Paladins / Ascended Black Guards (Abstinence)
Paladin or Black Guard characters who have strayed from their former paths gains benefits as a Right Guard for abstaining from their former profession.

1) ex-Paladins may use their Lay on Hands ability upon themself.

2) Previous smiting, turning, and rebuking abilities are added to the number of smites, turns, and rebukes the Right Guard may attempt per day. Additionally any smites, turns, or rebukes are enhanced, becoming as flexible as the Right Guard's own smite, turn, and, rebuke abilities.

3) Any Right Guard with 5 or more levels in Paladin or Black Guard may exchange those levels for Right Guard levels on a one for one basis. This decreases any abilities from abstinence according to the diminished Paladin and Black Guard levels.

Right Guard's special mount

Table 2: Mount Abilities
LevelMount Abilities
5Share Spells
8Share Saving Throws
10Spell Resistance

Verminous Mount: Right Guard calls a verminous creature (magical beast? outsider?) to serve as his mount, which gains the following abilities as the Paladin progresses.
Share Spells: Can cast personal spells on mount.
Share Saving Throws: Use better save between Paladin and mount.
Spell Resistance: Mount gains Spell Resistance 20.

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What do you think?

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