Author: Dan (---.aol.com)
Date: 12-15-2001 18:00
I have to say, this was a very good adventure. Just the sort of thing I like to do. I did have a couple of wee nits to pick...
First, you say that a *successful* Occult role identifies the old woman as a Valkyrie...? What? I think you failed the roll yourself there, sorry to say. An old woman walking in tatters picking up stray bits of anatomy does not make someone a Valkyrie. Besides, what's the point of the roll if it has nothing to do with the adventure? You'd be better off leaving the encounter unexplained that tacking this stuff on to it.
Second, you need to work on your hooks. Specifically, to get people into the building that ends the scenario, you expect them to find the cause of the insanity in a building completely untouched by it? Huh? Writing "It's incredibly out of place, which will prompt most investigators to check it out as a matter of course." doesn't make it so. As a player I would never bother going in, and it's not the sort of thing any player I have ever GMed for would do. It doesn't make sense. And then you make it so they have to crawl through three floors with absolutely nothing going on and make it to a back room...? Even if the players decided to go in none would bother looking around all the way to the top.
Third, the plane sounds like it might be cool, but I don't think you described it well enough for me to figure out what it really looks like or what it's supposed to be. I mean the pigeon shells, mundane and war-toen, I got... the plane... a snake(?) kite biplane? I'm not even sure that's what you were getting at. Maybe if, before the players make it into the restaurant, they see someone flying a red kite, or maybe someone has an oriental dragon style kite. (I also think seeing the nontransformed things first before things go crazy would make what comes later more understandable. Y'know, mention to the players that there are pigeons eating bread crumbs outside, mannequins in store windows, butcher's shop, etc.)
Fortunately, these are very minor things and easily fixed.
|
|
