Wushu Skidoo

Two gunshots and one boot to the groin later, Handsome Pete was wrestling the helm away from an over-dressed limey. One strike with the butt of Pete's pistol sent him tumbling over the side. Pete cackled like a demoniac as he took the wheel, but the laughter died on his lips when he saw the man who stood on the bow.

He was dressed in rags and his skin was as pale as a drowned man's. Rust and mold spread out from his feet like frost on a still pond. He grabbed a sailor out of the crowd and coral erupted from the poor bastard's skin. He died with his feet rooted to the ground.

Yes, this is inspired by the Pirates of the Caribbean. No, I don't think that's sad. All three films are well-written bits of nuevo mythology. They deserve to be ripped off by every mother son what calls himself a gamer. (Plus, I came up with this a year ago. How was I supposed to know that "god bound in flesh" bit wasn't just a throw-away line?)

The Kin

They were nobility, long ago, the royal family of some Old World kingdom. When a new religion swept over the Old World, their secret societies and mystery cults earned them the name "heretic." They fled to their colonial holdings on an obscure string of tropical islands, where they were all but forgotten.

Since then, many generations of Kin have lived and died in isolation. Their religion has grown and mutated, giving rise to new mythologies and bizarre rites. They have split into two sub-cultures: one that retains the trappings of nobility (the People of the Shore) and one that has embraced the primitive life (the People of the Hills). Still, they consider themselves one blood and one faith.

One of their common customs is the eating of the dead, at least when it comes to family and friends. The Kin believe that cannibalism keeps a loved one's soul inside the tribe, to be reborn over and over again. Those they despise are cast into the sea, where a boogeyman called the Keeper of Lost Things claims them as his own.

The Keeper's sister is their patron deity, the Eater of Flesh. She is the dark mother of all living things, men as well as monsters. Her parents, the Dancer in Fire and the Dancer on the Wind, created the world. Storms, earthquakes, and volcanic eruptions are attributed to their love-making. The ultimate progenitor of the entire pantheon is The Uncreated Night, a god of wisdom and patron of ocean navigators.

The final character in the Kin's mythology is a trickster who, according to legend, created himself. It is said that this Wearer of Masks can take any form and delights in playing cruel tricks on mortals. This makes the Kin very suspicious of strangers; games of chance are strictly forbidden on their shores.

These are the Mysteries, gods of the Kindred Isles.

The Incarna

Among the Kin, religious services can best be described as wild parties. "Riders" take on the roles of The Mysteries and accept offerings of food, booze, and sex in their name. Once in a great while, these ecstatic fornications bear fruit: godlings called the Incarna.

The Doomed Lovers

These two Incarna are draw together, and torn asunder, by fate. The male is usually a blacksmith or miner, owing to his affinity for the earth. The female is sought after by pirates and merchants because her presence always brings favorable winds. That is, unless she's sailing towards her male counterpart. The closer they get to each other's arms, the more tumultuous the weather becomes. It is said that, when the Lovers embrace, the seas and the sky open up, new islands are born, old islands die, and no one is spared.

Skinweaver

In this Incarna's hands, flesh is a malleable as clay. She can mend it, mold it, and tear it to shreds. Her own flesh is virtually invulnerable; it flows around blades and bullets as if liquid, but her bones can still be broken. The crippled and the vain seek her out as a healer, but the price of perfection is steep. Unless you have something that she wants, she trades only in favors. Her home on the cliffs of a remote island is staffed entirely by perfect people, those who had nothing to trade but years of service.

Walker on the Waves

Despite his name, the Keeper of Lost Things doesn't always keep everything he finds. Sometimes, they wash up on shore or get caught in a fisherman's net. Whatever the method, the Keeper regards all these things as stolen property, and anyone who doesn't immediately cast them back into the sea is a thief. His Incarna hunts down such people and their ill-gotten treasure. His touch causes rapid decay: rust, calcification, infestation, any of the fates that await living things in the briny deep. He is often accompanied by a legion of drowned men, reanimated by his father's will.

Vagabond

Also known as The Cursed Fool, this Incarna is never produced on purpose. Like his infernal father, he brings himself into being by "hijacking" another Incarna's rider. Such unfortunate women are exiled along with their star-crossed offspring, unwelcome anywhere in the Kindred Isles. The child is doomed to be blown about by the winds of fate, trapped in a labyrinth of synchronicity that never lets him gain a thing. Vagabond always breaks even, but the same cannot be said for anyone foolish enough to walk beside him.

Off the Map

No one has ever bothered to map the Kindred Isles. Truth be told, no one even knows how many there are. The original charter was purposefully vague about how far west the Kin's territory would extend. Now, the pirates who infest their seas manufacture fake maps to hide their favorite harbors. Some even say the smaller isles move about like living things.

Embassy

The first stop on every trip to the Kindred Isles is a long-extinct volcano known as Embassy. Unless a ship pays tribute on Embassy, usually a cask or two of rum, no other port will accept them. In fact, the Kin claim that their gods will send all manner of misfortunes to plague trespassers. Few are eager to call their bluff.

The People of the Hill who inhabit Embassy's jungle interior aren't nearly so hospitable. Apparently, they guard some kind of temple in the volcano basin. Except for a few trappers who show up to conduct trade every few months, they assiduously avoid contact with outsiders, even the People of the Shore. The last group of pirates who tried to sneak a peek at their temple were found two weeks later, swinging from the branches of a tree by their own entrails.

Moonshine

Ironically, the Kindred Isles' only representative from an outside government is a career criminal. Erron the Elder runs the pirate port of Moonshine in all but name. He fences stolen goods, sells supplies, and provides services to virtually every pirate who sails these seas. Many of them work for him as privateers, preying on the rivals of Erron's far-off masters.

Most of Moonshine's Kin have been reduced to second-class citizens. Most, but not all. The second-grandest house on the island belongs to the "mayor," a sycophantic back-biter named Josephus. It's been a long time since any of his people held any love for him; they're just waiting for Erron to lower his guard, then a red tide will rise.

The Devil's Spine

This winding string of eldritch islands appears on no map, but everyone seems to know an awful lot about it. They say the entire chain is guarded by a reef that has snared dozens of ships in its coral claws. Depending on who you ask, one of them is laden with the Devil's gold or infested by cannibals or harboring the elixir of life... or all of the above.

Those who tell such tall tales agree on only two things. One, the deep waters around the Devil's Spine are home to a monster that swallows ships whole. They call it Leviathan. Two, no one has ever seen the natives, only their handiwork: gigantic structures made from human bones, gnawed clean and sucked of their marrow.

Pick Me Ups

Pirates! Treasure! Sea monsters! The crew of the swiftest sloop ever to ride the trade winds sets sail for the Devil's Spine! Getting past Leviathan is the easy part. They quickly run aground on the reef and have to go ashore for supplies (lumber, water, etc). The natives don't exactly roll out the red carpet. For added fun, make Vagabond the captain. His (un)luck always makes things more interesting.

The captain of a ship owes one of the Doomed Lovers a favor. Guess where they want to go. First, the Kin try to stop them with magic and lynch mobs. Then, they start to encounter the other Incarna. Vagabond tries to cheat them, Skinweaver tries to bribe them (you know _someone_ on the ship needs a new leg), and Walker on the Waves just flat-out tries to kill them. As they finally approach their destination, nature herself rises up in rebellion.

A lot of people owe Erron the Elder money and not all of them are smart enough to pay their debts. The PCs are Erron's collection agency, the pirates who prey on pirates. Their latest job goes south when a particularly slippery mark pays them off with treasure he salvaged from a sunken ship... treasure that belongs to the Keeper of Lost Things. Do they cast it into the sea or race back to Moonshine and turn it over to Erron, knowing full well that Walker on the Waves is hot on their heels?

Next Up: H.P. Lovecraft meets post-Cold War conspiracy theory!