One Shot
The Wheel of Time
Face it: we're getting older. We, as a species (Ludo Sapiens), are aging. I have seen it with my own two eyes. At a recent gaming convention, I saw an old gamer trying to pass himself off as a young hipster. He wore boots, baggy jeans, and a Slayer t-shirt, but he was sporting the Reed Richards grey hair at the temples. The guy just didn't want to act his age. And lo and behold, the old dude was me, and I was looking in a mirror. Damn, I thought, it's the intro to Silent Hill 2. But no, it was only my life, staring me in the face. When 33 years old you reach, look as good you will not. Hmm?
Okay, the mileage has taken its toll on me, and perhaps on you as well. It's not just the rings around the tree trunk, either. We sometimes make bad choices. Maybe you went to Gen Con. Maybe you had a few too many at the Marriott lounge. Maybe you asked for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, and the bewildered bartender gave you a Mike's Hard Lemonade instead. And then you drank it, and a few more besides. Next thing you know, you're up on the fourth floor, in a room you don't recognize, getting it on with a short-term significant other in a Joxer the Mighty t-shirt. And it's great. Until you get home and realize that you failed your saving throw against chlamydia. Now, you've got to postpone your purchase of the Vampires of Southeastern Minnesota splatbook, because you need the money for azithromycin. Ah, love.
The Female Reproductive System
We're talking about your health, my friends. Health. Once upon a time, it was just a subject in school that didn't really hold my attention until they showed me a cross-section of the female reproductive system. Then I sat up straight. Aha, I thought. Finally, a decent cave map. I can set up the kobold ambush there, in the sigmoid colon.
Romance aside, your health is a diminishing resource. It's probably already started to decline. For example, if you're over thirty, you're losing about a half-pound of lean tissue each year, but adding a pound of fat (unless, of course, you're taking steps to prevent this). Why is this a problem? Because weight gain can put you at risk for high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and heart disease. The choices that you make now can have very serious consequences down the line. As Saruman said, the hour is later than you think.
What can be done to combat the inexorable march of Time? Well, the choices you make about nutrition and exercise can do much to improve the function of your machinery. But as a whole, gamers are not generally known for their healthy proclivities.
Pretend it's Chargen
Consider the following: a 30-year-old male, 5'10", 170lb (77kg), getting little to no exercise, requires about 2400 calories per day in order to function. Excess calories are converted to fat (roughly 3500 calories are stored in each pound of fat). A whopper with cheese, large fries, and large Coke are going to run you about 1550 calories. If you order Capellini Pomodoro at the Olive Garden, and you enjoy three breadsticks and a soft drink with your meal, then you're looking at 1380 calories. At the Lone Star Steakhouse, grilled pork chops with a loaded baked potato and a glass of Coke, followed by a dessert of some kind, will to run you about 2500 calories (if your stats are similar to the description above, then you could be looking at 104% of your daily allotment -- you've just added some fat tissue, and you've only had one meal today).
Traditional gamer snacks don't help. Check out the following calorie measurements:
1 oz. bag of Skittles = 270 2 oz. Snickers bar = 270 10 oz. bag of Baked Lays = 1100 Box of 12 Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets = 1280 10 oz. bag of Nacho Cheesier Doritos = 1400 10 oz. bag of Lay's Wavy Hickory BBQ Chips = 1500 10 oz. bag of Cheetos = 1600
A candy bar, a couple of pastries, a few handfuls of chips, and a fast-food dinner, and the calories are suddenly in the three- or four-thousands. Of course, there's more to nutrition than calories -- you should also keep track of fat and sodium intake. But if we ignore these for the moment and concentrate on calories, the numbers get pretty scary. Consuming an extra 500 calories a day equals a pound of fat per week. Holy adipose tissue, Batman! The fact is, the traditional meals and snacks that we as a species have learned to enjoy are going to kill us quicker than a neck massage from a Hook Horror. What are the alternatives?
1 oz. Guiltless Gourmet Spicy Black Bean Tortilla Chips = 110 calories 1 oz. Glenny's Organic Soy Crisps, White Cheddar = 110 calories Newman's Own 94% Fat Free Microwave Popcorn (1 bag) = 110 calories Quaker Low Fat S'mores bar = 110 calories 1 oz. Snyder's of Hanover Sourdough Hard Pretzels = 100 calories Quaker Low Fat Oatmeal Raisin bar = 90 calories Apple = 80 calories Orange = 70 calories 1 cup of raspberries = 50 calories 8 oz. glass of Tropicana Light & Healthy Orange Juice = 50 calories 8 strawberries = 45 calories Carrot = 32 calories 5 celery stalks = 30 calories 1 cup of broccoli = 30 calories
A huge factor here is portion control, of course. There's all the difference in the world between rooting around in that big old sack of Fritos and delicately peeling open that tiny little bag of soy crisps. But if you want to pull off that Legolas cosplay at next year's GenCon, you have to make sacrifices.
Fresh fruits and vegetables may not sound like fun, but they're good for you, and a vegetable tray laden with carrot sticks, broccoli, and celery stalks can be satisfyingly crunchy.
Athletic Activity
Walking at a moderate pace for an hour will burn about 225 calories. Sweating for an hour on the stationary bike will get you about 375 calories. An hour of moderate effort on the elliptical trainer will burn about 680 calories. And an hour of vigorous sexual activity will burn approximately 100 calories (don't fool yourself... an hour?).
The upshot of this is that you can offset some of your caloric intake through exercise. Potentially, you can actually take in fewer calories per day than your limit, resulting in weight loss.
Here are some other activities that can help keep you looking more like Kull and less like Orcus (please note that these are estimates, and that actual calories burned will be determined by factors such as age, weight, and intensity of exercise):
Slow, casual walking = 200 calories/hour Weight lifting, moderate = 250 calories/hour Stairmaster = 400 calories/hour Casual game of soccer = 500 calories/hour Dance Dance Revolution = 500 calories/hour NordicTrak = 600 calories/hour
Reality Check
The condition of your body is a reflection of the way that you treat it. Calories are just one factor; you also need to consider proper hydration, protein intake, fat, and fiber. Hopefully, this article has piqued your interest in such matters.
It's not easy to change your habits overnight, but by setting some realistic goals, you can extend the shelf-life of your meatspace avatar by years. It only took me a couple of trips to the emergency room to start taking my health seriously.
Of course, this article is no substitute for the expertise of a professional nutritionist or personal trainer (if you live in the Triangle area of North Carolina, I recommend Scott Anspach of Health Fitness Designs). Before attempting a serious lifestyle change, such as a serious change in diet or exercise, I strongly urge you to consult with your physician first. It's possible to do more harm than good if you haven't done all of the research beforehand. But if it's at least got you thinking about how many calories you consume in a day, then we're off to a good start.
Good luck!
Additional Resources
Estimated Calorie Requirements: By entering your height, weight, and exercise level, you can calculate a target daily calorie allotment.
Calorie Calculator: This calculator can help you estimate the caloric value of a number of different kinds of food.
2,000 Calories a Day: This presents a seven-day meal plan that offers a total daily calorie intake of 2,000 calories per day.
Calories Burned During Exercise: This list of activities can help you figure out how many calories you've burned per day.
