I read in a book somewhere -- I think it was something by Steven Barnes -- this idea: We are born broken, and learn by healing. That is not an exact quote. The Internet has failed me in finding the origin of that idea in philosophy. Doubtless, some hundred readers are mocking me for my incomplete education in matters of philosophy right this minute. They would be correct, I am painfully lacking in philosophy. Still, because of some primal wound in my own subconscious, I feel that I was born broken. This difference, this alienation, and this angst is the core of the World of Darkness: the feeling of being held apart from the rest of humanity at your very core.

White Wolf was built on this idea. While TSR became the largest company in roleplaying for decades out of as much sheer dumb luck as anything else, White Wolf became the second largest RPG company through specific planning and the force of will. This too echoes the themes of the World of Darkness (old or new) and their latest game, Promethean: The Created.

As much as I like the premise of this game, and make no mistake, I do like it, I am generally unmoved by the execution. Much like those it seeks to represent, Promethean seems stitched together from the dead parts of other games. It is a beautiful book, and aside from the illegible color text in a font resembling nothing so much as fingernail scratches on a blackboard the presentation is excellent. With the new World of Darkness, and its companion games Vampire, Werewolf, and Mage coming before, Promethean just feels flat. Of course, all of this could be due to my own alienation from the games I love so much.

With my friend Amy's death in the midst of GenCon I didn't have a chance to do about 75% of what I wanted to. I did have some great conversations and played some great games. During one such conversation with Adam Dray I mentioned that I thought in many cases that I did not need to play games so much and still be able to review them. He replied something about "when would I feel I couldn't any more". I replied, "never".

That conversation has haunted me since I got back. Even in the midst of the grief and recriminations that the last few weeks have brought, Adam's face, and his words, keep coming back. When would I feel I couldn't any more? Maybe now? P.S. Adam, this is not an indictment of you. You just happened to say some very insightful things that clicked in my head. No harm, no foul.

When I started this column over two years ago, I had no plans to stop. Not that I had plans to go on forever, but I never thought of a stopping point. I wrote things I liked and was interested in, and I got a lot of responses -- both good ones and bad ones. I wanted it to be fun, I expected it to be fun, and I needed it to be fun. It has been an incredibly fun time, but for some reason I cannot quite grasp or understand, it isn't fun any more. My column at RPGnet has allowed me to say what I needed to say. My editors have been incredibly helpful, supportive, and even occasionally understanding. I have had, as they say, a blast.

I would like to individually thank several people. First, Aeon. He was an incredibly supportive and positive guy throughout my time with him, almost two full years. I finally got to meet him, much too briefly, just a few weeks ago. For such a young man he has had an incredible effect on the net -- at Fark, and here, and in his incredibly gifted work elsewhere. He is one of those guys who I am slightly awed to know. From the day I asked him to host this cavalcade of insanity he has been a cheerleader and a reasoned voice. Go buy the Ninja Burger RPG, and employee handbook. Not just because of what he has done for me, but also because they are funny, well written, and entertaining.

I'd also like to thank Shannon Appelcline. While we had disagreements on a few things outside of the column, he has done more than asked on every occasion. His RPG histories are damn fine reads, well researched, and well written. My hat goes off to him as well.

Eddy Fate, Chad Underkoffler, Dan Bayn, Jared Sorenson, Jerry Grayson, Joshua Newman, and so many talented writers and creators that I have come to know and respect. Just, wow. Thank you all so much for being out there creating the next generation of RPGs. There are hundreds more, and I am sure I am forgetting someone. Oh! Marc Miller, one of my childhood heroes, and one of the creators of what we do. I think that the column on Traveller was probably the best column I ever wrote. Similarly Dave Arneson, the source, the originator, and the real deal; I just felt honored to be in the room with him. Kevin Siembieda was likewise a big influence.

No influences on this writer were larger than Mike Pondsmith and Janice Sellars. Mike took many huge chances on me, and entrusted to me a huge part of his vision. I hope that I did a good job for him. Janice Sellars took an ignorant fanboy and helped him become a competent writer. Maybe not always inspired or incredibly gifted, but competent.

To my wife, partner, proofreader and editor -- the lovely and talented Adrienne Winn. No man has ever been more fortunate, and no man ever will be.

If I named all of the people I need to thank, well, that may well be the start of an entirely different column, but we will get to that later. If you have read this, loved it, liked it, hated it, or even despised it, I thank you for reading. So much has changed in my life over the course of the two and a half years that I have been here. I simply cannot parse the changes. I hope that some of what I have said has entertained, made sense, stretched some horizons, or introduced some new ideas.

I may, after a time, to come back and write some more. I may call it Close to the Edit, or I may call it something else. I hope you come back.

Thank you all very much. Take us out, Groucho.