Dormitories & Dragons

This is about women and the gaming club.

Huh? Why are we discussing this?

Because there are issues that need to be addressed. Many times, people seem aware of other types of discrimination, but making the club "comfortable" for non-majority people, especially women, requires being aware of some of the ways we can unconsciously make the place hostile.

So this is some feminist thing?

Yeah, actually.

So why a feminist angle? Why not a racial or sexuality angle?

From my experience, gamers in college gaming clubs seem to be pretty open to such issues, or if they're not, they keep it pretty well under control. Women, however, trigger some inability to act civilized in some people, and gamers in particular have some issues with it.

(Admittedly, I have no experience with transgender members in a group. I imagine similar issues will likely occur, but I can't speak to issues involving transgender members and the gaming club right now, so while I see similarities between what I'm going to say about women and how transgendered people are treated, I don't want to claim that the two are completely interchangeable.)

That's just stereotyping! Gamer's aren't the only ones who act goofy around the opposite sex!

I wouldn't claim that, but let's recognize some facts: there are still a fair number of gamers who arrive at college having been social outcasts in high school, and they're thrust into an environment where women not only don't make fun of them, but interact with them as equals. This is unnerving for many, and while there are plenty of freshmen who need time to get used to this, there is still the chance that said person will act in an inappropriate way that can be detrimental to your club.

So if most freshmen work through this, why should I care about all of this beyond some mental exercise?

Because it only takes one comment to the wrong person to cause a legal firestorm for your club, and that's something the university will deal with quickly and harshly. Paying attention to the culture you're fostering in your meetings and your members goes a long way to heading off problems before they occur.

But my club doesn't discriminate.

I'm not necessarily talking about discrimination; almost all university clubs have to follow the university's non-discrimination policy. Likewise, there are very few clubs, if any, that would outright ban minorities or women from positions in the club, or have different requirements for them. However, there are plenty of ways in which the culture surrounding gaming acts in a sexist way.

Let's take, for example, this story. This is an established group with established ways of interaction. Yet at a table where women are present, the guys feel comfortable to make jokes that demean women. Worse, the guys seem confused at why the women aren't laughing along with the men. This sort of joking occurs a fair amount in our hobby, and while there are some women who simply ignore such comments, there are others who would, at best, walk away and never come back. At worse, these people would notify or take legal action against the club and/or university because the club is acting in a hostile way to women.

Here's a challenge: spend one club meeting just walking around and listening to the various people. I'm willing to be that, if you have some general gaming conversation going on, there are a fair number of sexual references, and not all of them are going to be positive ones. How many references are made to "getting raped" after losing in a video game? How many jokes are made about serving wenches or "hot chicks in chainmail" or other objectifying comments? How many comments are made about female gamers, especially ones noting that female gamers are strange or rare? How many are bragging about their character's charisma or sexual characteristics in game? It doesn't seem like a big deal, and maybe it isn't. Maybe it's meant in an ironic or sarcastic manner. But when you're a member of the group on the outside, it can seem like the sort of concept the old boys say to each other with a wink and a nod, lip service to an idea they don't want to bother with and they all know it.

Oh, geez, so this is all a political correctness thing? That stuff's just a waste of time to make a bunch of overly sensitive people comfortable.

Depends. I'm not saying that if you don't do this, you'll be sued within a year. But I am saying that for many universities, especially ones that pride themselves on providing a good experience for as many people as possible, a sexual harassment or discrimination case will not be treated with kid gloves. No university wants to have a sexual discrimination suit on their hands, and if they can placate said person or people by eliminating the offending group, they'll do it. Remember: you exist at the whim of the Student Affairs office. When you're deemed a liability, you stop existing, and if you're reading this column and trying to build up both your club and the gaming community, it would be a real shame to have all of that torn apart by a bad comment at the wrong time.

Okay, so how does this sexism take place?

Before we jump into that, let's remember the goal: we want women to be equal members in the club. To do that, women have to be treated as equal in all ways, not just on paper.

Ah! But if they're equals, it should mean that we can make the same jokes we always do, and they should handle it like everyone else. So this is all pointless!

Look at that sentence again--what does "we" mean? How about "everyone else?" Those words look inclusive, but they actually mean "men," and that's the kind of thinking that makes women into nonequal members of the group before you even start. "Equality" does not mean "assume women are men." It means acting in a way that takes both women's and men's concerns into account. This is the basic concept behind "being PC"--you're treating others the way they want to be treated, not the way you think they want to be treated. It requires some shifts in thinking, certainly, but it's the only way to create a truly equal, comfortable environment.

So what has to happen to ensure this equality?

The first step is awareness. Have a quick meeting at the beginning of the year to bring your general members up to speed. Make it a part of the new member speech. If you see it happen at official meetings and events, speak up and politely but firmly remind the offender that such speech isn't tolerated.

What if someone doesn't stop?

If you make it part of the expectations of members, this shouldn't be an issue, since most people inclined to such statements will probably stay away. Nonetheless, if a member keeps up the offensive behavior, make sure to have a set of guidelines in place--tell him he can't participate in major events, perhaps, or even revoke his membership.

What if someone takes offense at something someone's character said?

This is tough, but I would argue that it first gets covered under the social contract; that is, if the group has agreed beforehand that such characters and themes are fair game, then it should be allowed. However, there are two problems with this. First, such boundaries aren't always discussed before a game begins. Even if they are, visitors to the game need to be aware of exactly what to expect.

The second problem occurs when someone outside the game overhears a person talking in-character and takes offense to that. There are ways you can help prevent this as well, such as putting games that deal with possibly offensive topics on a regular basis in a more secluded area, but you should be aware that there will probably be some point where you have to come over and explain the situation to an irate offended person. I don't know how well this will work, but you should be prepared for it.

Wait, so even if we do all of this stuff, we can still get in tons of trouble? What the point?

The point is to show you're trying. You can't plan for every possibility, so sooner or later, you're likely to offend someone, and you're going to have to apologize. But you can probably avoid the worst of it if you can demonstrate to others that you've thought about these issues before and you've proactively taken steps to address such situations, people will be more likely to believe you when you claim that an actual misunderstanding happened.

What if I'm female? What can you do about this sort of environment?

A lot of this depends on the person in question. When I asked one of my female friends who used to be in charge of a gaming society about this issue, she said "My gut reaction to this is that women should develop a somewhat thicker skin to these sort of comments! The fact that guys feel comfortable saying that sort of thing around you means that you're "one of the guys" in some respect." At the same time, though, she recognized that that particular answer wasn't always helpful or welcome. "If there is a person that's being a huge douchebag," she continued, "yeah, pull him aside. A lot of times men forget that women just don't communicate the same way as they do and might even see good natured 'ribbing' as all in fun." In general, if you feel offended and the people involved don't seem to understand why, bring your concern up to the president or VP and see what they can do. Ideally, they should know how to handle it.

What if the women don't feel comfortable with bringing the issue up to the leadership?

Clearly you can't force this sort of issue, but there are a few steps you can take to make sure that people feel comfortable bringing such issues to you in the first place. For one, you have to look like someone who you should bring problems to. As another one of my female gaming friends said, "you have to make sure your leaders of the organization are themselves approachable enough. If a young lady's had her feathers ruffled by one unsavory sort, what's the motivation to take it up with someone equally as unsavory?" A lot of this comes back to--what else?--leadership skills. Remember, you want to set the example, and while this is supposed to be fun for you, too, taking a little extra time to look respectable can go a long way in helping people feel comfortable in talking to you about such issues.

It's not easy navigating these kinds of social issues, and it will obviously take some work to instill these kinds of values into the culture of the gaming club. But as someone with an interest in growing the gaming culture in general, especially at your university, it would be a great idea to show people that your club doesn't have to conform to the stereotypical societal expectations of gamers. By addressing and planning for these problems before they become problems, you can hopefully create a space where everyone feels comfortable with who they're gaming with, which will benefit you by making a more attractive club for potential members, and create an environment where people may feel more comfortable telling the stories that require a greater amount of trust and understanding between players.

You may have noticed there wasn't a Dormitories & Dragons article the las couple of months--there was supposed to be, though. I was trying to write this piece, and I found it very difficult to do so. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I was torn as to how I should write this: I'm a self-described feminist, and my wife certainly seems to think I'm a pretty good one as well. However, many of my experiences with gaming clubs were when I was in my early to mid-20s, and naturally, I wasn't quite as aware of some of the problematic ideas I may have had.

I ended up asking several female friends I knew about their ideas of gaming clubs and what I should discuss, and I was somewhat surprised when almost all of them said that these things were something they just ignored. When I pointed out the feminist standpoints about the inequality happening, they acknowledged it, but they didn't seem to be burdened by it as well. One said "It's really just like any other social situation: if you're a good judge of character, you'll quickly pick out the people to avoid, and gravitate towards others. That's just people interacting. Gaming clubs just tend to get guys with a little more, ah, extreme personalities. As for clubs trying something to appeal to women? Nah. Why bother? If girls want to game, they'll find their way to a meeting just as well as anyone else." She also noted that she's one of the biggest trash-talkers at the table, and comments don't really bother her. Another said took it as a matter of pride that she was a "geek girl," and that a lot of the problems I mentioned were usually eliminated by explaining the social contract before anyone started playing.

So before anyone accuses me of being one-sided in this article, I want to point out that it's a pretty complex issue--on the one hand, a lot of people are willing to roll with the punches and see any problems that come up as problems with the individual, not the club. On the other hand, if you're already trying to build an ideal gaming culture on campus, it would make sense to make it as ideal as possible for as many people as possible. So it's something that I felt strongly about, and I didn't want to mess it up. I'm not sure how well I did here, but this is my best shot at it.

Next month, we'll get back to normal, and I'll discuss how to play well with others in inter-club projects.

See you next month!
Alec "Kid Twist" Fleschner