Behind the Counter

Not a chance! At my stores we wish people the "Have A Merry Christmas" as they leave the store. Yah, yah, I know - not politically correct (by the standards of the minority who wish to tell everyone else how to behave). But, if you have been reading my column long, you know this already about me: I don't care.

After all, I am a Mormon who has nearly 30 tattoo’s, and a no-cover charge card to the local topless bar. If I cared what people thought of me, I’d be screwed!

I guess being retired from the US Army kinda did that to me: I was told how and why and where to do everything for too many years to be told by the PC Police how to wish folks a nice holiday.

Oh, I realize that some people will be offended by my wishing them a Merry Christmas. In my estimation those folks are looking to be offended, maybe even HOPING to find someone they can be offended by. Long before the comedian made it popular, my father used to say "You can't fix stupidity".

Now, before I piss to many of you constant readers off, let me say that while I am a Christian, I am fully okay with other people's beliefs, traditions, whatever. If you are an atheist, Jewish, Muslim, Catholic, Hindi or even if you celebrate Festivus – that’s 100% okay with me. But, isn’t it polite of me to wish you – my customer, who is in my store, a happy holiday of MY tradition? Why that offends anyone, I can’t understand.

Maybe I’m just too stupid to be offended much by other folks. Yup, that must be it.

When I was 14 I worked for Max and Maxine. They owned a book store. At this time of year they would tell every customer to “Have A Happy Chanukah”. They also had both a Christmas tree, and a menorah. (when I first saw the menorah, I asked them why they didn’t put it (it was small enough) on top of the Christmas tree – which made them laugh for a solid 5 minutes)

Anyway, they wished everyone a happy Chanukah, their traditional holiday - and, almost nobody was offended. In the two years I worked for them, I can only remember one time when someone was, and that lady stopped in her tracks, looked as angry as she could, and said “Well! You Have A Merry Christmas!!!” To which Max and Maxine replied “Thank you, we will” and continued to work. That lady stood there a minute, then left in a huff.

Know what I think? Well, let me tell you, even though I probably shouldn’t. I think there is a God. He/She must have a wicked sense of humor to have made us all different colors, and to believe different things. I once heard one of my College instructors say that “more people have been killed in wars over religious ideological differences, than anything else” (which may or may not be true). But, if not for being different colors, and believing in different gods, what would we kill each other over? Would Cat People and Dog People have wars? The K9-Feline wars of the middle ages would have been brutal, huh?

Seriously though.

When I wish someone a Merry Christmas – I am not trying to force you to believe in the god I believe in. I am just being polite, and friendly. I always thought it was kind, and compassionate of Max and Maxine to wish folks a Happy Chanukah, since nearly nobody in the small town they were from worshipped the same way, or the same God, that they did. But, they liked, maybe even LOVED, their customers enough to share their joy, and holiday with them – and, well, how much more CORRECT could you be? I am not a theologian, but I think that most holidays this time of year are about sharing love with those closest to you. But, then again, I can be stupid.

Now, some humor:

Over the years I have had people get snippy about my wishing them a Merry Christmas. Not many mind you, but I have been doing this for 23 years, so, there have been a few. Below I will share my favorites:

Customer: “I don’t believe in Christmas!!”

Me: "Oh, sorry – it does exist though, I can show you on the calendar."

Customer: "I’m a Jew!"

Me: “I’m a Capitalist. But, have a Happy Chanukah”

Customer: We don’t celebrate!

Me: Anything? Ever? Not even birthdays or the 4th of July?

Customer: That is Rude!

Me: Uhm, I don’t think rude means what you think it means. Want to borrow a dictionary?

Customer: Have a happy Chanukah!

ME: Thanks, I would if I knew how to celebrate it. (This one actually led to a discussion, and we have been friends for nearly 10 years now.)

Ad, in closing of my last Behind the Counter for 2009 – let me wish you, dear reader, a very Merry Christmas (or other celebration of your belief or tradition), and a joy filled New Year!

Marcus King
owner
Titan Games & Music
1504 West Michigan - Kalamazoo, MI 49006
637 Capital Ave SW - Battle Creek, MI 49015

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