Abracadabra

AD&D has spheres of influence for clerics, so a cleric of healing and a cleric of war aren’t exactly the same. This adds some flavor to the cleric class. But, can we do better? So, for the reader’s gentle perusal, let me present 26 gods and views of clerics.

Start with a slow pitch: A is for Apollo. But not the sun god, but Phythian Apollo, god of prophecy. This cleric would get visions, similar to the oracles at Delphi. As a GM tool, this can be a great way to communicate the plot to the players. If the players misinterpret the visions and go off on wild chases of geese, then that’s a bonus.

B is for Balder, Norse god of beauty and joy. Usually, the gods of good looking people are all female, and it’s refreshing to have a male god in this role. I imagine Balder’s clerics as James Bond in plate armor, always suave and knowing the right people. They would be natural diplomats and advisors to royalty.

C is for Cermait, otherwise known as the Honey-mouthed, the Celtic god of literature. Yes, they have a sphere for war, but literature? Clerics of Cermait would multiclass in bard, charged with writing stories of heroes, the first journalists embedded in wars. Or, they could be librarians; before the printing press, monasteries were havens for books. Clerics would be valuable resources of arcane knowledge.

D is for Daikoku. Daikoku is the Japanese god of wealth and farmers, kitchen and food. Clerics of Daikoku have vow of poverty, but only because they give away all of their money and goods to those poorer than him. The clerics are protectors of the innocent, but they don’t protect against just physical harm, but the harm of famine and disease. They are true saints.

E is for Erra, the Babylonian god of plague. These clerics are never seen and never invited into cities. Their temples are plague pits. Long in tooth, the clerics are beggars and lepers, immune to the disease they spread. They can summon rats and mosquitoes at well. And they’re going to summon something big.

F is for Fu Shen. Fu Shen is the Chinese god of luck, and his clerics are just as lucky. They are the confidence men of old, chaotic and free as the wind. So, what is a church of Chaos like? There is no organization, no church, no structure. Everyone is equal, but like the saying goes, some are more equal than others. People who stay alive and get experience enhance their reputation and become renown in their own way.

G is for Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh was a man, just like Hercules and Elric. And possibly just like some of the player characters? In a high-level campaign, you may throw in some worshippers. Even throw in a temple or offerings. I mean, if a thousand worshippers pulled together their hard earned money and gave you 100 GP, what would the typical player do? How about that treasured, magical sword?

H is for Hathor. The typical love goddess, but with an Egyptian twist. I mean, love goddess with the head of a cow? Not a typical love goddess after all. In fact, most of the Egyptian pantheon have a similar look and feel about them. The clerics of Hathor can have the same look and feel, instantly recognizable.

I is for Ixtab, Mayan goddess of the gallows. The Ixtab clerics are witnesses for the dying, part confessors and part executioners. Ixtab also protects suicide victims, and in a modern-day setting, they would be the ones to pull the plug. Clerics of Iztab will defend a man or woman’s right to die, even if the victim deserves worse punishment. The clerics may be in a weird position, pitting good (mercy) against good (justice).

J is for Janus. January is named after Janus, the Roman god of endings and beginnings. AD&D focuses on dawn and dusk as when they learn spells, but for all practical purposes clerics work just like magic users. But gods are more capricious. Janus’ clerics can only cast spells during dusk and dawn, or have severe penalties at noon and midnight. PCs need to plan their dungeon raiding around the sun and moon.

K is for Karuiles Siunes. Syrian old gods, taken over by the Hittites. Gods sometimes get forgotten, but often they are absorbed into a conqueror’s pantheon. Gods get changed, and clerics change positions. But, sometimes the old gods still live, and clerics can learn totally new spells by tapping into that ancient magic. That god of healing gives out cure light wounds, but a new sect can tap into more violent protection spells.

L is for Lares, Roman gods of home and hearth. And this is gods as in plural. Many. Every home had its Lares, and in this alternate world, every person could be a cleric. However, their range is very small, and their power is slight. Yet, even the most stalwart adventurer may hesitate on breaking into a house if every person has their own personal god.

M is for Mammon, the classic devil of greed. Ye cannot serve both God and Mammon. Clerics of Mammon would be paupers, fueled by their church to take from everyone to give back to the church. The highest level of priest, on the other hand, takes from their lower peers to build cathedrals. It is the ultimate pyramaid scheme. And their spells are legion. Healing spells, blessing, curses, anything is on the open market.

N is for Ndjambi, the sky-god of Herero people in southwest Africa. You don’t name him except for specific holidays. We bandy names of gods around – they are listed in Deities and Demigods, we talk about them both in and out of character, imagine clerics invoking their name. But, names are power and some cultures dictate that you cannot name your gods. They have affectionate names (the Kindly Ones) or mysterious ones (He That Cannot Be Named). Nothing exciting, but a simple way to add mystery to your campaign.

O is for Oz. Do you want to visit the wonderful far-off Land of Oz where the wizard lives and scarecrows can dance and the road is made of yellow bricks and everything is emerald green? Well, you can’t because there is no Land of Oz and there is to tin woodsman and THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS! Maybe someday you can go to Detroit. Gods can get forgotten. What happens when this happens? Can someone assassinate a god by wiping out his memory? Does the god lose power? Or does that just make him mad? Pratchett talked about this in Small Gods, how weak gods can fight back.

P is for Pan. The Greek nature god, he is the source for panic and pandemonium. Most nature gods are true neutral, but Pan is of a different cut. Nature is chaotic, following its impulses, and Pan is the same way. He chases nymphs, frightens people, and plays his music. His clerics are the same way, lusty people who live in nature and follow their bliss.

Q is for Quilla. This Incan moon goddess, she oversaw the Incan calendar. The Incan calendar is one of the most complex in ancient times, and each month had its own festival. Festivals are important in civilization, and clerics often lead the festivities. Yet, this is often neglected in campaigns, because clerics are stuck in dungeons or ruined castles.

R is for Raphael. Raphael is one of the Archangels, a messenger. Do you worship the second in command? The god who fetches? How your god interacts with others can dictate your cleric’s station in life. If the cleric worships a servant, those clerics may be servants themselves.

S is for Somnus, Roman god of sleep. Well, a cleric of sleep can’t be too exciting, right? Pretty harmless? A god of sleep is a god of dreams, so the clerics haunt the dreams and create illusions. Or, a cleric of Somnus could analyze dreams, become the pre-Freud and pre-Jung. Finally, a god of sleep can also take away sleep as well, causing the curse of insomnia. Lack of sleep means not being able to concentrate, not gaining spells, depressed immune system, and being tired. Sleep is something that happens to every living creature, so Somnus is omnipresent. Pretty powerful for a harmless god.

T is for Terpsichore. She is the Greek muse of religious chants and dance. Music and dance are a large part of religious ceremonies, and are another part of religion that is usually ignored in games. Clerics of Terpsichore are dancers, working with other religions to help with their ceremonies. They may end up being very powerful, but their spells take hours to perform, with a cast of dozens. And let’s skip to U before the Xanadu flashbacks start.

U is for Uzume, Japanese goddess of jollity, good health, and spring. Clerics of Uzume are another set of dancers, but while Terpsichore dances for religion, Uzume is a bit more unrestrained. Her clerics are the Girls (and Guys) Gone Wild of the medieval era, dancing without abandon and with spirit. They are the true Barbarian Clerics. And their power is highest in natural settings, in spring. During winter or in civilization, the power of Uzume’s clerics wane.

V is for Vor, the Norse goddess of marriage and contracts, one who nothing could be hidden from. Clerics of Vor are in sharp demand, witnessing contracts and treaties between warring parties. They are always Lawful Neutral, never lie, and an oath taken by one of these clerics will never be broken. Based on the needs, these clerics can be pacifistic or very militaristic.

W is for Wele, the supreme Bantu Kavirondo god. This god has two sides: light (omuwanga) and dark (gumali). Most gods have a single aspect – Wele has two very different aspects, and clerics will choose one or the other. Hermes and Apollo are two other gods (Hermes is the messenger, god of thieves, god of shepherds, and god of fortune, and as noted above Apollo has prophecy, the Sun, archery, poetry, truth, and a half dozen other spheres). This is a good closing comment, because clerics aren’t solely defined by their religion. Unfortunately, there’s three letters left.

X is for xylophone because X is always for xylophone! To me, xylophones make me think of toys, clowns, and puppets, and from there, it’s a short hop and jump to Banjo the Clown. From this frivolous comic comes questions deep – can you just make a god up, and that god then give clerical powers? And what of charlatans who convince people that their god exists because of some illusionary miracles? Can someone jumpstart a religion, and from there a pantheon?

Y is for Yaghuth, Arabian god of time. Clerics of time will look at the big picture. While most people will be wrapped up in their petty fights, clerics can wait them out. This doesn’t make them good player characters. Clerics who worship Yaghuth have powers over time, like haste, slow, and stop time. Many of them live forever.

Z is for Zeus, Greek god of the sky and leader of the Greek pantheon. I mean, it’s Zeus. Being Zeus’ cleric has to be good. Zeus is known for his ability to take what he wants, to be the leader of all other gods. Likewise, the clerics will be given a lot of power, but they’ll be placed in a leadership position just by virtue of their religion. Rank hath its privileges, but it also has its responsibilities.

Did you learn your ABZ’s? All right, now Uncle Shelby is going to teach you a magic word. Shhh---the word is “boobooruboo”. If you don’t like to wash inside your ears, just say the magic word “boobooruboo” and you will never have to wash them again because they will stay clean forever and ever. Isn’t magic fun?

All quotes are from Shel Silverstein, Uncle Shelby’s ABZ Book: A Primer for Tender Young Minds. A wickedly funny book I encourage all children of all ages to read. Next week, I try to connect the two puzzle pieces of Science and Magic.