Abracadabra

Scott Adams, "The Dilbert Future", quoted from here

Those Adams folks are right funny: Douglas, Scott, Charles, John, Cecil, the whole bunch of them. But, out of humor comes truth, and Star Trek deux ex machinae science approaches magic. Teleportation causes problems in both real life and in gaming. What are these problems? Let me count the ways, and as a side activity, count the number of times I can repeat the phrase "from point A to point B."

Teleport Others and Rights. I’m thinking of Wild Cards, where Popinjay would skip the whole arrest process and teleport people directly to jail. However, the teleported person just got a lawyer, claimed that he was unduly placed in jail, and walk out. Popinjay got talked to in the books, but not much else. Technically, Popinjay could have been tried for kidnapping — a law from 1856 defines kidnapping as "The forcible and unlawful abduction and conveying away of a man, woman, or child, from his or her home, without his or her will or consent, and sending such person away, with an intent to deprive him or her of some right." Modern law has intent factored into this — was the person teleported to further some other crime? But it is vague, and heroes that start teleporting people left and right may find themselves attacked by lawyers. Likewise, larceny is defined state to state and nation to nation, but teleporting in of itself is not breaking the law, assuming the intent is not to deprive a person of his stuff without proper repayment. But, it is suspicious.

Instant death and miscalculations. There’s a long tradition of people screwing up teleportation. While this is an obvious deterrent, it may not be as much as you’d think. As a technology gets integrated into common life, we subconsciously allow for a certain risk. Case in point: the automobile. According to Wikipedia, road traffic accidents account for two percent of death worldwide. Yet, we continue driving. Part of the mystique is we believe we have the ability to control those odds by being a safe driver; another is the fact that deaths occur one by one or two by two, not the massive quantities that happens in an airplane crash. Whatever the reason, people will look the other way when confronted with these types of statistics.

Military issues. Two of the ironclad rules in warfare are you need to control land, and keep your sully lines open (a.k.a. An army runs on its stomach). With phrases like insurgent population and victory conditions, we’re being forced to change these rules. Some of these rules have been in flux since WWII (can anyone say "Maginot Line" (and I’m sure that posting military notes is like saying "I like Vista" in a UNIX convention, so that’s the last I’ll say of that)). But, my point is that teleportation of troops changes the rules — suddenly, owning land around your capital doesn’t mean your capital is safe. Sieges are a thing of the past; you can just pop supplies in.

Security. Teleporters have to be a security person’s nightmare. There’s a lot of effort in preventing people from getting from point A to point B, or at least without things like weapons or stolen goods, and teleportation bypasses all that effort. So, what’s a business to do? They may take some of the same steps businesses take to present an equally complex issue: shoplifting. A business just can’t just lock up their merchandise or prevent people from entering. They change their focus to watching people (closed circuit television and mirrors), making sure merchandise doesn’t leave the premises (electronic article surveillance), and old-fashioned guards. Instead of barring the doors, they make the assumption that a certain amount of merchandise is going to walk away, so they work to prevent as much as possible and apprehend and recover. Picture diamonds that have RIFD chips that can be tracked, or a heist where it’s not enough to get the goods, but you can’t be seen.

Sense of Privacy. Good fences make good neighbors, the saying goes, but what if the fences don’t work? Not even mentioning the security issues, there’s a psychological need for privacy. We can turn off the cell phone and not answer email if we choose, whether we’re deep in thought or, umm, addressing other needs. Teleportation allows folks to literally drop in whenever they want. Assuming that teleportation is something that’s fairly common, there may be societal norms preventing teleportation. GMs can enforce this through code of conduct, or just let the player characters break the taboo and face the consequences.

Jobs. If X% of the population can teleport, they’re going to have some lucrative opportunities. Some of the obvious ones are high-priced courier service, when it positively has to be there in the next two minutes. Assuming that teleportation doesn’t "cost" anything (no fuel, no material components that get used up), teleportation is a cheap way to get bulk goods from point A to point B. If a person can teleport ships or cars, they may end up being the world’s version of taxi drivers and rickshaws and truckers. As someone who can get around quickly and discretely, spies, assassins, and bodyguards are some other choices. There’s also a few more frivolous ideas, especially if that X% bumps up into the double digits — having a waiter or barista teleporting food directly to your table has some charms for the jaded rich. Ask someone who’s moved across the US how nice it would have been to just say "make it so" and have their property already set up in the new house. Athletes may use teleportation in the routines, and whole sport franchises may spring up around the talent.

Inertia. GURPS has an option to retain inertia when teleporting, but most teleportation waves its magic hands when it comes to inertia. But, if you’re trying to be realistic in the grand scheme of things, you may run into problems. Consider the fact that we’re constantly moving, and if you suddenly lose "all inertia", you’re going to have a nasty surprise as the Earth’s rotation comes into the balance. Keeping inertia protects you, assuming that you don’t try to jump to the opposite side of the Earth, but it radically limits your power in a high-tech society. If you’re traveling in a car or train, you’re pretty much restricted to teleporting within the vehicle. Mobile prisons may spring up, constantly moving 50+ miles per hour, and the mission is to drive your car to match its velocity so the hero can teleport safely. Of course, first you have to find its automated pilot so it doesn’t switch course.

Freedom and jails. Teleportation implies instant freedom, which means that if catching a teleporting thief is difficult, keeping one in prison is more difficult. How do you handle that? Well, there’s the above-mentioned flying prison, and the above-mentioned RFID, but there has to be other ways? There may be a mental block, some way to block his teleportation powers without deigning down to a "anti-teleportation shell." Reasoning, while unusual, may work. "If you stay here for 5 years, you’re safe. If you leave, we’ll track you down and kill you. You wouldn’t want that, right?" There’s also emotional blackmail; we can’t hurt you if you escape, but we can hurt the things you care about. Medicine and the classic "slow-acting poison and only we have the antidote" is also an option.

Ways to fix things. There’s the traditional "anti-magical/anti-teleport device," which works but seems rather crude. I mean, if this existed, then all the places that mattered would have one of the things, then why bother to actually have teleportation? One of the cardinal rules of GMing is if a player wants to have a power, don’t give it to them and then have everyone be able to counter it. Instead, use the above notes to change the nature of the mission. Society would need to adapt to teleporters. Modules will need to as well.

Next column was going to continue this theme of "magical devices that can totally derail a game" with invisibility and illusions. However, my Steampunk campaign, if you excuse the turn of phrase, is picking up some steam and I’m in desperate need of some alchemist-type knowledge (not to mention spirits and fae folk, although a liberal mix of GURPS Faeries, Tempest, The Water Babies, Brian Froud, Falkenstein’s Memoirs of Auberon of Faerie, and Strange and Secret People should plug that particular hole). Until then.

Teleport Anvil. Can teleport any one anvil, 16-ton weight, or banana peel. Any damage done by the teleported object will fade away in 1d10 minutes. Material components: a cartoon.